A 30yr old's first reboot

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firstreboot

Member
Hey, so i've only been looking into this whole reboot thing for a couple hours now.  While I've been masturbating since i was, i don't know, maybe 10ish, and porn a few years later, i've slowing escalated the type of porn i view.  I started noticing issues a few years back but didn't really think too much about it.  For the past few years i've been masturbating between 3-4 times a week up to twice a day.  I notice that if i have a good social day i'm less inclined to view porn and vice versa.  However, i'm introverted and going out with a bunch of people doesn't usually happen.  I'm also busy with my working on a Masters program so i've used porn as quick relaxation.

Today, however, a girl that i'm just starting to see came over, and things carried to the bed for the first time, however I could not preform.  Thankfully the circumstance of our time together relieved any embarrassment, the fact that i could not get hard while making out (and more) with her  was difficult to experience.  Especially because i had planned for it, or at least i though it did.  I stopped masturbating a week or so ago, and a few days ago woke up in the middle of the night feeling aroused and, thinking it was a good sign, masturbated.  But today there was nothing.  I was fine in my bed with my hand and imagination, but failed with a real girl.  So frustrating. 

I've read some other posts and I completely agree with their experiences.  I felt disassociated from the actual act of being together, it was like watching myself in some outer-body experience, desperately want to get aroused, or trying to mentally force an erection, but not succeeding.  Honestly, it's been about 10 months since i've had sex, so I feel i should have been able to.  While I really just wanted to please her, and felt myself worried and annoyed with myself that I could not get hard.  So here I am, day one.  Not sure how this will play, I've tried stopping before, but never with this mentality or acknowledgement of the real physical effect porn is having on me. 

The one good thing about this new relationship is that it's kinda long distance so I will only see her once every two weeks or so, giving me time to be celibate before each visit.  However, I've read that it's best to not have sex for a while but i'm not sure how a new relationship, one where i'm definitely not willing to let her into this part of my life, and the feeling of being obligated to preform or she will go elsewhere.  So this is the journey before me: Rebooting while starting a new relationship.  While my motivation is high now, I see this as a long, slow struggle.  This is my plan (feel free to post comments and/or suggestions for it):

No porn, no fantasy, no masturbating, no orgasm for the first month at least.
While i'm not very good at keeping a journal, i figure whenever i'm struggling i'll come here and read and post.
I also plan to read to keep my mind off of porn when i'm struggling. 
Be more social since i know that decreases my urges.   
I'm also going to stop watching tv shows and movies with sexual images or actresses I general lust over. 
Restrict, and possibly stop Facebook, since i creep quite a bit on it.

Thanks everyone for your stories, know that they will help me get through and I hope mine will help you.

K.
 
F

firstreboot

Member
So it's been a week.  Surprisingly I haven't felt that big of an urge to PMO.  I'm not sure if it's because I have a perspective partner and therefore the most motivation that i've had for a while, or if last weeks encounter with her scared me enough to be motivated to change my habits, but either way the weeks gone well.  Since about the halfway through the week i've been waking up in the middle of the night with a hard on, but no real desire to act on it.  For the most part, it's just been limp down there which started to make me worry.  I broke down today a little and decided to test it a little with a facebook pic of my girl, just enough to make it hard, sufficing my want to see if it would react, which is did (only to maybe 70% though), quicker than usual too which was nice.  There was definitely a desire to continue though once i started, but after I stopped the urges subsided pretty quickly.  All in all it was a good experience and a good week.  But I definitely wouldn't suggest anyone testing it unless you've had no desire from the get-go and are highly motivated.
 
F

firstreboot

Member
So I'm 3 weeks in and definitely in flatline mode.  Its definitely weird to have such a limp dick but I've also began to notice it more, any little growth or tinkle I'm aware of unlike before were I didn't notice anything but porn.

I also think I have more energy and motivation than before. Hitting the gym more, have greater concentration towards my studies, and am happily persuing a girl who lives at a little distance so there much less of a sexual component and am just happy rewiring to connecting to a real girl, with the main goal of getting to know her or, when things do lead to more, just focusing on pleasing her.  It'll definitely be nice to be able to have good erections again, but since I won't be with the girl for another three weeks, I'm perfectly content in this flatline mode...though we have a date set for valentines so that could be interesting lol but I'll cross that bridge when. I get there.  Looking back to how addicted to PMO I was, this freedom is so great! So be strong, be content with where you are today, be thankful for the little victories. We can do this!
 
F

firstreboot

Member
This mornings been tough.  I usually use PMO as a way to boost my self confidence (totally counterproductive I know!) But I'm kinda depressed and have the day off for the most part some I've just be laying in bed.  In addition to this im really horny, the most I've been in a long time, which is probably a good sign.  Well on thing led to another and I end up play with my dick a little to see how hard it would get, but before I even got that's hard I could feel myself almost cum.  And now I'm worried about premature ejaculation when I with my girl in 10 days or so.  I think I might cum when I get myself hard enough for a condom, or if I do last that long, then as soon as I penetrate.  Any help on how to avoid premature ejaculation would be helpful!
 
P

pinkerton

Well-Known Member
If you're having these issues you might need to wait til you're rebooted to try sex. Just trying to help. Good luck.
 
F

firstreboot

Member
Thanks, we'll see.  So as for an update, up until this past week I've been waking up occasionally with a hard on but only about 70%.  The last three nights have seen two 100% and a 85%. Things are looking up.  Anyone know if this means the end of the flatline is near?
 
F

firstreboot

Member
The other night my girl came over and, although she was on her period which meant no sex, she did give me a great hand job.  My previous worry about PE was unrealized.  I was near O for probably 2min (this is on top of general stroking, which was amazing too), whereas when I was PMO'ing it might have lasted 30seconds before O.  So that was great, it felt so amazing.  Keep up the effort, there are great rewards afterwards. 

My only disclaimer is that I'm not having pretty decent chaser effect.  I'm not really that tempted to look at porn, but just to MO, however I figure that I still shouldn't O too offer so I'm gonna wait it out. The reward from the last five weeks of PMO free have strengthen my resolve.
 
F

firstreboot

Member
Opps, I meant to say that I am having pretty good chaser effect, and have MOd twice since the weekend.  The last time was disheartening since I only got 70% hard, meaning not hard enough for penetration.  But I think I'm back on track now and looking forward to seeing g what I'll be like in a week and a half when my gal is back in town.  I must say rebooting with a distance relation is pretty nice, personal connection through calling/texting and then a physical break to allow myself to reboot without the stress to perform.
 
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