Question regarding acting out your porn fantasy

[NeverSayNever]

Hi,

My porn "poison" so to say is shemale porn. Once I discovered that in my mid twenties (now I am 38), it has never failed to arouse me (and also maybe a bit of lesbian porn, otherwise, straight porn does not turn me on anymore). Anyways, about a year and a half ago, I was in Thailand for business, and one day I thought let me try it out and ordered a ladyboy escort to my hotel. She (he) was not that pretty, and the experience left me very shaken, specially because I almost regressed to my extreme religious childhood and saw myself as worthless and can't be saved after performing this act. How my family will completely disown me if they have known this, blah blah,,,,and wept almost the whole night through. A terrible terrible feeling.

Since then, I have been involved in some tantric group, taken some crazy workshops on sexual deconditioning and a bit more open to any kind of sexuality and fantasy, so lately I am having a deep urge to try it again (With a shemale) and see how it feels this time, as there will be no moral dilemma about it , I guess. So I started checking out escort sites about that, but all hte ones I have seen are a bit too masculine etc (the ones I am attracted to, at least in porn are those that can trick almost anyone to be a women, specially petite asian ones with a pretty face). So about few months ago, I saw one that is prettier than any woman I have ever been to, who advertised that she will come to my city soon. So I keep going there to see if she has come etc.... and most of the time, I end up visiting shemale porn after that (watching her pictures is just too much of a trigger). So I don't want to do that anymore and get triggered, but at the same time, I really really wanna sleep with this "girl" if she comes to my town, so don't wanna miss the chance.

So my main question is: what do you think of my urge to experiment with this in real life? Is it gonna fuck me up completely? Will it turn out to be an even more strong addiction, if I end up enjoying it a lot? That is actually what I am afraid of (getting addicted to that) as it can really ruin me financially, because the prices these escorts are quoting is 250+USD per hour!

 

[Chaos Mind]

Dear NeverSayNever,

that's a very good question you raise here...and even if no one has answered it yet I am pretty sure there will be contradictive advices. This is no question I'd go for a straight "no" or "yes" and I suggest you don't do either.

The major concern I see in this whole scenario is the fact that it was porn in the first place which changed your sexual desires. And it too makes no difference if you "only" go for this special fetish and not the usual man & woman stuff...porn is porn, no matter which kind of genitals are involved. So I think you can't say "I am not into porn, I am into the real thing". For me it sounds more like the incarnation of a porn fantasy and that's not better than viewing it. You mentioned your trip to Thailand and the continued disappointment about shemales in real life. Religion is one point, but I do believe real life shemales are just not your thing. There is a difference between porn sex and real life sex. It's the same for your fetish. shemale models are dressed by professionals. They spend the thousands of dollars they earn through their videos on plastic surgery and hormon therapy. Porn world is a fake world, no matter what you are looking at. Now there comes the one girl you are looking forward to visiting your town. I say: she won't be the perfect person for your dreams either.

Anyway, even if you do want to pursue this goal, you should by all means stay away from the video material. It feeds your fantasy in a disturbing way. My suggestion is: stay away from all porn videos or pictures. Stop MO'ing while thinking about this fantasy. You will surely recognize how your dream starts to change. Maybe the desire will disappear. Maybe it will stay but become different! No matter what happens, you will then be sure if you want to meet him/her or not. If you still do, it's for curiousity. There is nothing bad about experiencing new things in real life sex. But you need to get away from porn in order to understand what you REALLY want and what is just a created urge.

 

[NeverSayNever]

Chaos, what a wonderful reply. I can't agree more with what you have stated. Thanks a lot my friend!
I will try to stay away from the escort site as well, and see if the urge will still be on, say in a couple of months or so.

 

[challenged]

So my main question is: what do you think of my urge to experiment with this in real life? Is it gonna fuck me up completely?

I think it is a really, really bad idea.  I agree with ChaosMind that this is verily likely an outgrowth of your porn use, which we know can alter our desires and sexual fantasies.  Stop the porn use and this fantasy as well, and reboot your brain, and then see what you desire in terms of IRL sex when you have completed the process.

 

[Jimmy James]

NSN, you already know the answer to this question.  Of course anything related to porn and porn fantasy must be avoided.  The only way you should be with a transsexual woman if you just happen to meet her in the course of your daily life, get to know her, date her, fall in love with her, etc.  No different than with a genetic woman. 

 

[NeverSayNever]

Thank you all for the great and unbiased responses! As I said earlier, I will not do it at the moment...and get back and report if the urge still remains, say few months after rebooting (...now just 1 week on)..