Interested to see how many people read this as I reckon it has an arresting title! Read on to see how the philosophy comes in...
I am on day 3 of my reboot, and am experiencing alot of cravings, although not having much trouble resisting them. So it is an uncomfortable place to be (cravings are making me irritable and on a short fuse), but a hopeful one. I think that the hypnosis video I mentioned in my last entry is a major reason why I am finding it relatively easy to resist the cravings. Thought it might help clarify my thinking about what helps to write about it - and this might also be useful to other people who are re-booting. Let me know your thoughts....
Existentialists philosophers have an interesting take on addiction, which is the opposite of most people's take. Most people think addicts lack freedom, and that is their problem. Someone addicted to P is not free to stop looking at P because the compulsion is too strong, and this overwhelms their rational thinking about it. Existentialist philosophers think instead that the problem is that we have too much freedom, rather than too little. Human beings are free to decide how to act in each moment, and because they are free, they can always change their minds. So no matter how bad it gets - how exhausted, demoralised and depressed I get say, or how many risks I take - how close I am to losing a job or a relationship, and how many times I say 'you know what I'm done. I can't do this any more', well, I can always change my mind. I can change my mind because I am free.
Existentialists liken this to the situation of looking down off a tall cliff. The original existentialist, Soren Kierkegaard (a fascinating christian philosopher - not all existentialists are atheists) talks about the vertigo you feel looking down. He thinks that anxious dizzy making feeling is because you know you could jump down - and part of you is scared you will. Similarly, I know that however bad it gets, I could look at porn. And that terrifies me. That feeling of fear is something very real for me - it grips my stomach and makes me feel sick.
This fear of my own freedom has been a very real issue in my recovery I think. I know I could look at P again. I also know how many times in the past I have given in. This can leave me thinking, when the urges strike, 'you know, it's inevitable you'll give in at sometime. Why not do it now? You'll feel awful about it, but it's agonising to resist. Why not do it now and get it over with?' It is very hard to feel confident that I can continue to resist P indefinitely, as I can always change my mind and look at it. And my doubt about this can undermine my attempts at recovery.
Now, back to the hypnosis. When I am hypnotised, I hear the suggestion that porn is not a problem for me, and that I find it easy to resist triggers. In that moment I feel confidence. My belief (and hope - I only have 3 days abstinence from P so far, so let's not get carried away...) is that in experiencing this confidence I am changing the neural networks in my brain from having a pattern of fear and terror that I may give in to urges to one of confidence that I will not. The more I experience this confidence, the more it'll become a habit, and the easier it will be to abstain from P.
I'll keep you posted about how it goes!
Good wishes to alll of you - I hope you get the freedom and peace of mind you seek. Will.
I am on day 3 of my reboot, and am experiencing alot of cravings, although not having much trouble resisting them. So it is an uncomfortable place to be (cravings are making me irritable and on a short fuse), but a hopeful one. I think that the hypnosis video I mentioned in my last entry is a major reason why I am finding it relatively easy to resist the cravings. Thought it might help clarify my thinking about what helps to write about it - and this might also be useful to other people who are re-booting. Let me know your thoughts....
Existentialists philosophers have an interesting take on addiction, which is the opposite of most people's take. Most people think addicts lack freedom, and that is their problem. Someone addicted to P is not free to stop looking at P because the compulsion is too strong, and this overwhelms their rational thinking about it. Existentialist philosophers think instead that the problem is that we have too much freedom, rather than too little. Human beings are free to decide how to act in each moment, and because they are free, they can always change their minds. So no matter how bad it gets - how exhausted, demoralised and depressed I get say, or how many risks I take - how close I am to losing a job or a relationship, and how many times I say 'you know what I'm done. I can't do this any more', well, I can always change my mind. I can change my mind because I am free.
Existentialists liken this to the situation of looking down off a tall cliff. The original existentialist, Soren Kierkegaard (a fascinating christian philosopher - not all existentialists are atheists) talks about the vertigo you feel looking down. He thinks that anxious dizzy making feeling is because you know you could jump down - and part of you is scared you will. Similarly, I know that however bad it gets, I could look at porn. And that terrifies me. That feeling of fear is something very real for me - it grips my stomach and makes me feel sick.
This fear of my own freedom has been a very real issue in my recovery I think. I know I could look at P again. I also know how many times in the past I have given in. This can leave me thinking, when the urges strike, 'you know, it's inevitable you'll give in at sometime. Why not do it now? You'll feel awful about it, but it's agonising to resist. Why not do it now and get it over with?' It is very hard to feel confident that I can continue to resist P indefinitely, as I can always change my mind and look at it. And my doubt about this can undermine my attempts at recovery.
Now, back to the hypnosis. When I am hypnotised, I hear the suggestion that porn is not a problem for me, and that I find it easy to resist triggers. In that moment I feel confidence. My belief (and hope - I only have 3 days abstinence from P so far, so let's not get carried away...) is that in experiencing this confidence I am changing the neural networks in my brain from having a pattern of fear and terror that I may give in to urges to one of confidence that I will not. The more I experience this confidence, the more it'll become a habit, and the easier it will be to abstain from P.
I'll keep you posted about how it goes!
Good wishes to alll of you - I hope you get the freedom and peace of mind you seek. Will.
