To All,
I've been visiting this site for a few weeks in anticipation of getting started. Truth is, I'm not willing to part with my porn yet. I logged on today to start my routine PMO, but today I was overwhelmed by a feeling of disgust. Like others before it, my current favorite porn site didn't get me aroused. Almost reactively, I jumped over to REBOOT NATION and created an account. I think I'm ready to get started, but I'll need some brotherhood. I invite your comments and feel free to call me out and debunk my BS.
It's important to know about me that growing up I didn't have a dad. I think this is key because I was raised by a single mom. After she died I was raised by guardians. I mention this because I did not have a positive male role model to show me how to be a man or a father. I did have a "Dutch Uncle" of sorts that felt it was necessary to have the "man to Man" talk when I reached puberty. During this talk of birds and bees and biology he essentially let me off the hook and gave me permission to masturbate. He stated it was normal, biologically necessary and ALL guys do it so I shouldn't feel guilty about it. I understand his intention was to give me some relief and hopefully postpone my sexual activity until adulthood. I had no discipline for moderation so what I took from this conversation was "go at it".
The other point you should know is that my spouse is no longer interested in being sexually active with me. We always enjoyed a healthy sex life in our day but gradually over time this faded. During this slow decline I leaned more heavily on porn as a substitute. When real intimacy vanished altogether my consolation prize was more porn. Is my porn use the cause of the decline of activity with my spouse or is the decline in activity with my spouse fueled my PMO? I've used PMO for many purposes. To sooth me when I'm sad, to celebrate when I'm happy. To entertain me when I'm bored or to provide company when I'm alone. Like most guys I started with magazines and catalogs, then grew to VHS tapes, DVD's and now finally high speed internet.
There is a physical pain in the front of my head when I'm on a binge that doesn't go away when I walk away from my computer. It derails any logical thought or control to stop. I'm drawn back like a moth to a flame even after I swear that I'm done. After a heavy binge I'll be so disgusted with myself I'll swear to never do it again. That commitment only lasts as long as the refractory period, then I'm back at it. This has led to serious problems with delayed ejaculation during real intimacy. Like everyone, I use my computer for work, school, banking, and many other functions, so how can I stop this one single bad behavior with my devices? It's like a bartender being an alcoholic.
I consider myself functional because I do not withdrawal from social interaction; however, I do resist taking on additional responsibility because I know it will take time away from my PMO. I schedule days off from work or decline extended family functions for the purpose of a PMO. If I can create an opportunity to be alone, I do. I've lost entire days and weekends bingeing but when its over I'm able to return to being myself. My PMO leads to procrastination which only puts additional pressure on myself. I am still able to meet obligations but fulfilling those responsibilities are difficult because of the amount of time I waste on PMO.
I still wake up with morning wood and I am aware of erections during the night, so physically I am still functional. It's amazing how much of my masculinity gets wrapped up in and associated with my erections. It's comforting to be semi asleep and realize you've got wood. I take that as good news for my recovery.
I want to be a better man, and a better partner to my spouse. Without their awareness, this has impacted so many people. I'm tired of being a slave to PMO and would love to get back to just normal jacking off. What is a normal amount of frequency for a healthy grown man? I've always agreed with my "Dutch Uncle" that it was normal for men, but to what degree? To achieve one, do I have to give up both? There is a healthy physical and mental benefit to that release, but I've lost that purpose. If I eliminate the porn can I get back to that?
Thanks for reading this post. I'm just getting started on this recovery and it's been 1 day since my last PMO. Your comments and brotherhood are appreciated.
Sincerely,
Ted
I've been visiting this site for a few weeks in anticipation of getting started. Truth is, I'm not willing to part with my porn yet. I logged on today to start my routine PMO, but today I was overwhelmed by a feeling of disgust. Like others before it, my current favorite porn site didn't get me aroused. Almost reactively, I jumped over to REBOOT NATION and created an account. I think I'm ready to get started, but I'll need some brotherhood. I invite your comments and feel free to call me out and debunk my BS.
It's important to know about me that growing up I didn't have a dad. I think this is key because I was raised by a single mom. After she died I was raised by guardians. I mention this because I did not have a positive male role model to show me how to be a man or a father. I did have a "Dutch Uncle" of sorts that felt it was necessary to have the "man to Man" talk when I reached puberty. During this talk of birds and bees and biology he essentially let me off the hook and gave me permission to masturbate. He stated it was normal, biologically necessary and ALL guys do it so I shouldn't feel guilty about it. I understand his intention was to give me some relief and hopefully postpone my sexual activity until adulthood. I had no discipline for moderation so what I took from this conversation was "go at it".
The other point you should know is that my spouse is no longer interested in being sexually active with me. We always enjoyed a healthy sex life in our day but gradually over time this faded. During this slow decline I leaned more heavily on porn as a substitute. When real intimacy vanished altogether my consolation prize was more porn. Is my porn use the cause of the decline of activity with my spouse or is the decline in activity with my spouse fueled my PMO? I've used PMO for many purposes. To sooth me when I'm sad, to celebrate when I'm happy. To entertain me when I'm bored or to provide company when I'm alone. Like most guys I started with magazines and catalogs, then grew to VHS tapes, DVD's and now finally high speed internet.
There is a physical pain in the front of my head when I'm on a binge that doesn't go away when I walk away from my computer. It derails any logical thought or control to stop. I'm drawn back like a moth to a flame even after I swear that I'm done. After a heavy binge I'll be so disgusted with myself I'll swear to never do it again. That commitment only lasts as long as the refractory period, then I'm back at it. This has led to serious problems with delayed ejaculation during real intimacy. Like everyone, I use my computer for work, school, banking, and many other functions, so how can I stop this one single bad behavior with my devices? It's like a bartender being an alcoholic.
I consider myself functional because I do not withdrawal from social interaction; however, I do resist taking on additional responsibility because I know it will take time away from my PMO. I schedule days off from work or decline extended family functions for the purpose of a PMO. If I can create an opportunity to be alone, I do. I've lost entire days and weekends bingeing but when its over I'm able to return to being myself. My PMO leads to procrastination which only puts additional pressure on myself. I am still able to meet obligations but fulfilling those responsibilities are difficult because of the amount of time I waste on PMO.
I still wake up with morning wood and I am aware of erections during the night, so physically I am still functional. It's amazing how much of my masculinity gets wrapped up in and associated with my erections. It's comforting to be semi asleep and realize you've got wood. I take that as good news for my recovery.
I want to be a better man, and a better partner to my spouse. Without their awareness, this has impacted so many people. I'm tired of being a slave to PMO and would love to get back to just normal jacking off. What is a normal amount of frequency for a healthy grown man? I've always agreed with my "Dutch Uncle" that it was normal for men, but to what degree? To achieve one, do I have to give up both? There is a healthy physical and mental benefit to that release, but I've lost that purpose. If I eliminate the porn can I get back to that?
Thanks for reading this post. I'm just getting started on this recovery and it's been 1 day since my last PMO. Your comments and brotherhood are appreciated.
Sincerely,
Ted
