goffredo
Member
Hi gang,
So I'm just going to say this once - triggers abound below.
My story is pretty much the same as the other ones I've read here. I particularly like how this is broken up into ages; even though I'm at the upper end (I'm 39), it's nice to identify with people who would pursue porn on BBSes, FTP sites, and alt.binaries.images, and the like. Kindred souls.
I've had issues with ED since I was sexually active, around age 14. It wasn't bad back then at all, and might even be considered normal - maybe 1 out of every 30 attempts it wouldn't work out 100%; having to use condoms certainly made things worse, thank god for the pill. As I got older and had more PMO under my belt, my incidence of ED increased proportionally such that at age 39, it would happen 80-95% of the time. Note that I was in a committed relationship -- married, in fact -- from age 29-39. I decided to start figuring out what was going on, and as a quick fix started taking Cialis during what turned out to be the last few months of my marriage; it helped REALLY well, rock hard erections, but I got a divorce soon thereafter (totally unrelated to ED issues).
Now, I've found that Cialis does NOT work for me when I'm with a 'new' woman. Or man. (I'm bi, but generally prefer women). At first I thought the Cialis pills might have expired, and tried taking a higher dosage, tried switching to Viagra, etc. Then it dawned on me that, with the anxiety ANYBODY gets with a new sexual partner -- it was simply too many things stacked against me, to the point that even mighty Cialis couldn't help.
Boy, what a terrible feeling that was.
My sexual experiences of recent, all with first-time partners, have been a LOT of work getting it up; the women I've been with think I LOVE to give oral, but the truth was that it gives me an opportunity to try and secretly jerk myself to some semblance of hardness while she's paying attention to other things, so that I can quickly jump on top and stick it in. Which works, and then it's like "oh god please don't go soft, oh god please don't go soft!". Man I'm tired of this.
I have hope and confidence now, having stumbled across this group and read everything I could on PIED, and have been PMO-free for 19 days now. The first few days, I had crazy morning wood, and would actually wake up with some pre-cum on my boxers. Then the crazy morning wood / horniness subsided. I had a MO relapse on day 11 but I used a prostate massager to get off, so I don't know if that really counts as M since there was no penile stimulation. Hell, I'm just making excuses, but I'm sticking with the 19-day figure because it's my damned journal and I can do what I want. ;D
I met a new girl, and on our 3rd date (a few days ago) we started making out in the hot tub. I felt a stirring in my loins when she rubbed against me there; admittedly, it wasn't a rock hard boner as I had hoped for, but it was nice to feel that again, it's been a LONG time. We went back to my place and ended up in bed and just cuddled for a while and I told her I wanted to take it slowly -- both because I knew I probably couldn't perform "like they do on TV," but also because I'm kind of in a weird mental state and I really like this girl for more than just a fling so it seemed like the right thing to do. My father just died horribly of cancer 2 weeks ago, and I split up with my wife about 6 months ago, so she was aware that I had some pretty serious shit going on in my head. I'm kind of a mess, but you know, one day at a time.
So anyhow I ended up going down on her, and I got a kinda-boner (maybe a 6 out of 10) and started to move up to slide it in (no condom, I'm a naughty boy) and she kind of rolled me over, probably because of the no-condom thing, and started going down on me instead. So there I was, "oh my god please don't go soft, oh my god please don't go soft ... man that feels really good." Turns out she gives transcendently great head - I don't know what the hell she was doing down there, but god damn. And my basis for comparison is staggering: I've had head from dudes, and dudes really know how to suck a dick. So anyway I stayed hard and had a freaking amazing O. And turns out she swallows, which has always been a huge turn on for me. Did I mention she is 29? I hope I don't fuck this up.
As the old joke goes, she sucked my dick so hard I had to pull the sheets out of my ass.
So, I totally cut out porn and MO with nary a twinge of anxiety nor remorse. No urges at all to go back to PMO, and after about a week of MO urges, I haven't had any and it's been 20 days. But I've somewhat hedonistically decided to try this reboot thing out WHILE having normal sexual relations with this girl. See, I have a weakness for awesome BJs, and my body thus far seems capable, so I'm going to roll with it.
Anyhoo, I'm going over to her place tomorrow (for the first time) for dinner and definitely planning to spend the night. I think she might be planning to go "all the way" and I'm a little nervous that my equipment won't work (especially if she wants to use a condom*), and it will set me back on my reboot. But fuck it, I'm going to do my best with sexual relations, and hope to hell that just cutting out PMO is good enough to fix me. We'll see, maybe I won't have the same stance in 3 months.
But hopefully I'll have a success story instead. Gotta think positive.
*: As I think about it, I've had what is defined as "high risk" sexual behavior (e.g., no condoms, anonymous sex, many partners) entirely because it's difficult for me to keep hard with a condom. I suspect a correlation can be drawn between having ED and an increased risk of getting STDs. Geez I better get tested I probably just jinxed myself.
So I'm just going to say this once - triggers abound below.
My story is pretty much the same as the other ones I've read here. I particularly like how this is broken up into ages; even though I'm at the upper end (I'm 39), it's nice to identify with people who would pursue porn on BBSes, FTP sites, and alt.binaries.images, and the like. Kindred souls.
I've had issues with ED since I was sexually active, around age 14. It wasn't bad back then at all, and might even be considered normal - maybe 1 out of every 30 attempts it wouldn't work out 100%; having to use condoms certainly made things worse, thank god for the pill. As I got older and had more PMO under my belt, my incidence of ED increased proportionally such that at age 39, it would happen 80-95% of the time. Note that I was in a committed relationship -- married, in fact -- from age 29-39. I decided to start figuring out what was going on, and as a quick fix started taking Cialis during what turned out to be the last few months of my marriage; it helped REALLY well, rock hard erections, but I got a divorce soon thereafter (totally unrelated to ED issues).
Now, I've found that Cialis does NOT work for me when I'm with a 'new' woman. Or man. (I'm bi, but generally prefer women). At first I thought the Cialis pills might have expired, and tried taking a higher dosage, tried switching to Viagra, etc. Then it dawned on me that, with the anxiety ANYBODY gets with a new sexual partner -- it was simply too many things stacked against me, to the point that even mighty Cialis couldn't help.
Boy, what a terrible feeling that was.
My sexual experiences of recent, all with first-time partners, have been a LOT of work getting it up; the women I've been with think I LOVE to give oral, but the truth was that it gives me an opportunity to try and secretly jerk myself to some semblance of hardness while she's paying attention to other things, so that I can quickly jump on top and stick it in. Which works, and then it's like "oh god please don't go soft, oh god please don't go soft!". Man I'm tired of this.
I have hope and confidence now, having stumbled across this group and read everything I could on PIED, and have been PMO-free for 19 days now. The first few days, I had crazy morning wood, and would actually wake up with some pre-cum on my boxers. Then the crazy morning wood / horniness subsided. I had a MO relapse on day 11 but I used a prostate massager to get off, so I don't know if that really counts as M since there was no penile stimulation. Hell, I'm just making excuses, but I'm sticking with the 19-day figure because it's my damned journal and I can do what I want. ;D
I met a new girl, and on our 3rd date (a few days ago) we started making out in the hot tub. I felt a stirring in my loins when she rubbed against me there; admittedly, it wasn't a rock hard boner as I had hoped for, but it was nice to feel that again, it's been a LONG time. We went back to my place and ended up in bed and just cuddled for a while and I told her I wanted to take it slowly -- both because I knew I probably couldn't perform "like they do on TV," but also because I'm kind of in a weird mental state and I really like this girl for more than just a fling so it seemed like the right thing to do. My father just died horribly of cancer 2 weeks ago, and I split up with my wife about 6 months ago, so she was aware that I had some pretty serious shit going on in my head. I'm kind of a mess, but you know, one day at a time.
So anyhow I ended up going down on her, and I got a kinda-boner (maybe a 6 out of 10) and started to move up to slide it in (no condom, I'm a naughty boy) and she kind of rolled me over, probably because of the no-condom thing, and started going down on me instead. So there I was, "oh my god please don't go soft, oh my god please don't go soft ... man that feels really good." Turns out she gives transcendently great head - I don't know what the hell she was doing down there, but god damn. And my basis for comparison is staggering: I've had head from dudes, and dudes really know how to suck a dick. So anyway I stayed hard and had a freaking amazing O. And turns out she swallows, which has always been a huge turn on for me. Did I mention she is 29? I hope I don't fuck this up.
As the old joke goes, she sucked my dick so hard I had to pull the sheets out of my ass.
So, I totally cut out porn and MO with nary a twinge of anxiety nor remorse. No urges at all to go back to PMO, and after about a week of MO urges, I haven't had any and it's been 20 days. But I've somewhat hedonistically decided to try this reboot thing out WHILE having normal sexual relations with this girl. See, I have a weakness for awesome BJs, and my body thus far seems capable, so I'm going to roll with it.
Anyhoo, I'm going over to her place tomorrow (for the first time) for dinner and definitely planning to spend the night. I think she might be planning to go "all the way" and I'm a little nervous that my equipment won't work (especially if she wants to use a condom*), and it will set me back on my reboot. But fuck it, I'm going to do my best with sexual relations, and hope to hell that just cutting out PMO is good enough to fix me. We'll see, maybe I won't have the same stance in 3 months.
But hopefully I'll have a success story instead. Gotta think positive.*: As I think about it, I've had what is defined as "high risk" sexual behavior (e.g., no condoms, anonymous sex, many partners) entirely because it's difficult for me to keep hard with a condom. I suspect a correlation can be drawn between having ED and an increased risk of getting STDs. Geez I better get tested I probably just jinxed myself.
