43YearsWasted
New Member
So I came across this whole "Reboot" thing last year and thought, makes sense, for THOSE guys. I obviously had all the symptoms but thought "I'm not addicted. For me porn is just a cheap thrill. Something to indulge in when not in the mood of facing human interaction."
I've always found human interaction straining, especially with strangers. I'm an Enneagram Type 5 (http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/) which predisposes me to watching, rather than participating.
When I was at school porn didn't exist really (was illegal in my country) so the little we did get to see was a super exciting dopamine overload. My sexual relationships were normal for a teenage kid I guess. It was only really when I went to varsity, started secluding myself from other and porn became legal, that things changed. I can see now that since then all sexual relationships where framed by porn. The way that I/others should look/behave/react sexually was all from a porn movie script.
Long story short, I tried rebooting for about 9 months now, but recognise that it has been half-hearted. I let myself have "little" concessions like "it's OK if it's only and image, and not a full blown porn movie". I recognise now that my behaviour has in fact not changed at all! I know this because I quit smoking 10 years ago (the most difficult thing ever!!) and I am fully aware of the total commitment needed to re-frame one's mind.
When I steal a puff from a cigarette at a party these days, I find it disgusting, and know that it will never ever even remotely be an option for me to go back there.
Thats where I aim to go with porn.
I've always found human interaction straining, especially with strangers. I'm an Enneagram Type 5 (http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/) which predisposes me to watching, rather than participating.
When I was at school porn didn't exist really (was illegal in my country) so the little we did get to see was a super exciting dopamine overload. My sexual relationships were normal for a teenage kid I guess. It was only really when I went to varsity, started secluding myself from other and porn became legal, that things changed. I can see now that since then all sexual relationships where framed by porn. The way that I/others should look/behave/react sexually was all from a porn movie script.
Long story short, I tried rebooting for about 9 months now, but recognise that it has been half-hearted. I let myself have "little" concessions like "it's OK if it's only and image, and not a full blown porn movie". I recognise now that my behaviour has in fact not changed at all! I know this because I quit smoking 10 years ago (the most difficult thing ever!!) and I am fully aware of the total commitment needed to re-frame one's mind.
When I steal a puff from a cigarette at a party these days, I find it disgusting, and know that it will never ever even remotely be an option for me to go back there.
Thats where I aim to go with porn.