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[Grappler88]

So,I haven't written in sometime and wanted get a little insight with my reboot process.I have not PMO'd in 40 days and in that time I have had two mess ups with regular MO.What I have noticed with my reset is after 8 days  my wife becoming more sexually appealing and looking prettier..is this a good sign or am I fooling myself? Last night I walked in our bedroom and was just rubbing her and when I saw her in her panties My ying yang went up about 60-70 percent.I don't know if it was enough to penetrate,but it was better then my limp noodle in the past.Also,is this a sign of things getting better? Because I feel like I will never get those stiff erections I get when I masturbate.I am more rational about the process though.In a sense I don't get as frustrated if I am not rock hard. Don't get me wrong,this process still sucks big time and I feel like I am never going to achieve what everyone says I am going too.At first I thought this was a typical online wacko forum and I was just wasting my time,but I found that guys on here need each other for support and this journey.Hope I can get some insight.Be well everyone and hope you have a great week.

 

[Grappler88]

I haven't been posting very much on the sites that I have joined for a couple of reasons.1) I thought these were support boards? It seems like a lot of these guys on here have their favorites and post to whoever gives them hope,instead posting rebuttles regularly to anyone who's in dire straits of porn addiction 2) Kind been feeling pretty numb lately and have been so worn out from all these sexual thoughts and talk, that It has almost become boring.At first when I started I was almost house bound from all the sexual confusion thoughts...now I am just letting my mind figure it out instead people I have never met.Don't want to sound like a Debbie Downer,but after joining 3 different sites and getting basic bullshit feed back,I realized that I am kind of on my own.As much as everyone posts videos and excerpts about their success,it doesn't help a guy like me who is very much a newbie and is not at rational point right now.

With that said,If people want to comment they can,but odds are I am going to be writing to myself until I really find the proper help. I don't want to waste my time self analyzing things I have no concept of, which is this whole reboot process.For as much as I know I could be wasting my time,and maybe MOing is not as bad as everyone on here claims.You can't blame me for thinking like that when I get no support.What do they say? You'll never get good free advice.

With all that said,I am 52 days without porn and almost past my initial slip up MO'ing time frame ( lasted 11 days the longest).What I noticed is that It is really hard these last couple of days( because my new reset time is going to be broken in two days) that I have been really pushing myself to MO again.I was in NYC and my head was constantly looking for sexual stimulus either with men of women.One minute I was saying I am into girls the next I saying I'm in to guys.I couldn't even enjoy m,y afternoon with my children,but put on a good show for them to see that their dad was ok.It really sucks.I never looked at guys like this when I was in high school and now I am questioning who I am which is making me feel guilty of my relationship with my wife.I hope I can get some insight.If not,I'll just ride this out by myself and find a therapist.