Serendipity77
Member
Hi all,
I'm 37 years old & my husband 32. We've been married for nearly 1 year next month & we've been together for 3 & 1/2 years. When I met him he was open about his porn use, would make light of it & had a very casual attitude towards it. My previous partners had never been into porn, had watched a bit back in their teens but nothing heavy. My past sexual relationships have been positive & fulfilling.
When I first met my husband I did not really concern myself about his porn use. I'm fairly laid back & not shocked easily. He never watched porn in front of me & appeared to keep porn and our sexual relationship separate. I was very naive about the effect of porn back then but noticed from the very start that something 'wasn't right'.
A few months into our relationship I noticed he was different to the other men I had experienced. He is immensely loving and caring but sexually he appeared 'absent'. There was no emotion at all expressed during sex & as time passed he became less interested in intercourse and more into receiving oral. He would barely ever touch me & if we did have intercourse it would take him a long time to finish. Often the only way he could finish was to masturbate.
I find the lack of emotion during sex such a strange & difficult thing to deal with. I wonder what is going through his mind and the whole experience makes me feel used & degraded. There's no connection, I feel like I am merely an object & means to an end. I have persisted with this relationship as outside of the bedroom I cannot hope for a more loving & caring person to share my life with.
I ignored these cues & told myself I was to blame. I felt very confused. I was a sexually confident woman when I met him & adventurous. I worked out and kept myself fit. I didnt understand what was happening but felt an overwhelming sense of rejection & increasing sexual frustration.
That epiphanic moment occurred when I saw a documentary about porn addiction a few months ago. My husband exhibited so many of the features. In the last few years he has developed other 'symptoms' which I did not realise we're porn related ; Social anxiety & withdrawing from social situations; lack of energy; desensititised gentals etc. i brought up the subject with him & he rejected the notion. He was very angry and denied the fact that he could be an addict.
Fast forward to now. My husband says he feels 'confused about the problem you (me) think I have'. I decided to educate myself on the subject & have opened tabs to this site & YBOP on his iPad to help him. I want to support him & for us to emerge stronger from the experience but I feel I'm failing and fear our marriage will end. He refuses to talk to me about it & says he's 'handling it'.
I'm not sure if he has started a reboot. We have stopped having sex. He says he doesn't find me sexually appealing right now although he thinks I'm beautiful! This is soul destroying to hear. He got so angry when I brought the subject up a few weeks ago & told me to 'go f&&k other men!'
I don't know what to do anymore. I feel hopeless. My self esteem is rock bottom. I cannot talk to him as he doesn't want to talk & I have no one to talk to about this for fear of judgement. Do I stand a chance at changing our marriage for the better?
I'm 37 years old & my husband 32. We've been married for nearly 1 year next month & we've been together for 3 & 1/2 years. When I met him he was open about his porn use, would make light of it & had a very casual attitude towards it. My previous partners had never been into porn, had watched a bit back in their teens but nothing heavy. My past sexual relationships have been positive & fulfilling.
When I first met my husband I did not really concern myself about his porn use. I'm fairly laid back & not shocked easily. He never watched porn in front of me & appeared to keep porn and our sexual relationship separate. I was very naive about the effect of porn back then but noticed from the very start that something 'wasn't right'.
A few months into our relationship I noticed he was different to the other men I had experienced. He is immensely loving and caring but sexually he appeared 'absent'. There was no emotion at all expressed during sex & as time passed he became less interested in intercourse and more into receiving oral. He would barely ever touch me & if we did have intercourse it would take him a long time to finish. Often the only way he could finish was to masturbate.
I find the lack of emotion during sex such a strange & difficult thing to deal with. I wonder what is going through his mind and the whole experience makes me feel used & degraded. There's no connection, I feel like I am merely an object & means to an end. I have persisted with this relationship as outside of the bedroom I cannot hope for a more loving & caring person to share my life with.
I ignored these cues & told myself I was to blame. I felt very confused. I was a sexually confident woman when I met him & adventurous. I worked out and kept myself fit. I didnt understand what was happening but felt an overwhelming sense of rejection & increasing sexual frustration.
That epiphanic moment occurred when I saw a documentary about porn addiction a few months ago. My husband exhibited so many of the features. In the last few years he has developed other 'symptoms' which I did not realise we're porn related ; Social anxiety & withdrawing from social situations; lack of energy; desensititised gentals etc. i brought up the subject with him & he rejected the notion. He was very angry and denied the fact that he could be an addict.
Fast forward to now. My husband says he feels 'confused about the problem you (me) think I have'. I decided to educate myself on the subject & have opened tabs to this site & YBOP on his iPad to help him. I want to support him & for us to emerge stronger from the experience but I feel I'm failing and fear our marriage will end. He refuses to talk to me about it & says he's 'handling it'.
I'm not sure if he has started a reboot. We have stopped having sex. He says he doesn't find me sexually appealing right now although he thinks I'm beautiful! This is soul destroying to hear. He got so angry when I brought the subject up a few weeks ago & told me to 'go f&&k other men!'
I don't know what to do anymore. I feel hopeless. My self esteem is rock bottom. I cannot talk to him as he doesn't want to talk & I have no one to talk to about this for fear of judgement. Do I stand a chance at changing our marriage for the better?
