Hello all. I Recently found this website and the yourbrainonporn site, did quite a bit of reading, and have come to the conclusion that i have Porn related ed and a porn addiction. Im a 31 yo guy, my work keeps me on the road 24/7, i have laptop and a vita... The ps vita and smartphone are what really kicked my addiction up for obvious reasons. Rebooting makes alot of sense to me and im going to do it. I Started 2 weeks ago thinking i could do this on my own through will power but i totally relapsed today. and have decided to start a journal. IM a little disappointed in myself for it, but i look at it as telling me i need to do more to prevent another. My goal atm is to go 90 days with no PMO and then hopefully to give up porn altogether. ok, im not sure on how to do this but here go's. Please forgive my horrid punctuation in advance.
First week, i was doing good, was actually missing masturbating more than the porn, started to feel great, i've been doing very light exercise for years (walking) but have decided to add wightlifting and try to get back to jogging a few miles 5 days a week. thats been working out, i think the reboot is helping me stay focused on that. i noticed i was getting alot of energy and my libido went through the roof at about the end of the first week, i was even noticing more confidence and flirting more with women. i've been having some loss of interest into second week, and i guess what caused my relapse was lonliness, The increased interest in real women has been playing havoc with my mind this second week and i've been feeling a little melancholy . i also made the mistake of not clearing out my trash bin on my laptop when i "deleted my stash" i've made sure to delete it all from my computer this time.
Ok, im starting over on day one since i relapsed yesterday.
Day 1. Got to visit with my uncle and aunt for the day, drinking some beer and playing computer games. I got a very nice msg from someone a year clean of porn and it was very helpfull, installed k9 on my computer with a toatly random password i didnt even look at when hitting the keys and copy pasted to a txt file. Would like to add i dont drink often but im kinda on vacation for past few days. i came clean with my brother who knows what im trying to do and talked with him about it. Feeling good and hopfeull about doing a hard 90.
Week 2, I think i kinda squashed some of week 2 into week 1 lols. but ok, into week 2, i was having trouble thinking about anything other than girls, was starting to get morning wood and vivid sexual dreams, no wet dreams, i dont think i've ever had a wet dream that i can recall. it was honestly driving me crazy a little bit. was doing good but ended up having a few drinks last night, and some how rationalized that i could look at it today. I read something earlier i'll keep in mind and that helped me kick a drug habbit i had in my early 20's, dont listen to your brain, that is helpfull advise because i belive your brain will try to trick you into getting what it wants.
I have already noticed a difference between yesterday and today after my relapse, Im back to being antisocial when i was starting to feel more social in week 2. i dont know if i was just hitting the "flatline" or what and i just flipped out. i'll be ready for it when that comes back around if so and would appreciate any advise on how to deal with feelings of loneliness that can lead to a relapse. i dont know if that makes sense to anyone but i think part of my porn addiction is to deal with occasional loneliness
Im having trouble replacing things with other activitys, for some reason during week 1 and 2, i had major loss of interest, but not really depression, its a weird feeling and hard to describe. Im just glad i found a place to get some help with this problem as the last woman i was with i couldnt preform at all without the porn, i was really into her sexually but got zip. I thought for awhile it was just nerves, but it's not, i have no problem at all getting an erection with porn, but without zip. I'll try to update this everyday and read some other journals and contribute like the journal suggestions say.
Ok, startin over at day 1 April 23rd. Got to visit with some family today, Had a few beers and visited for the day. Ate pizza, thats about all i did, felt a little dissapointed in myself for relapsing but also think it taught me a few things. I got a very friendly letter from someone who has recovered and it was very helpfull, he recomended a porn blocker and i installed k9. I just hit random letters and numbers and copy pasted it from notepad and saved the notepad, made it too big to memorize so i think that should help alot.
Day 2, April 24th. Back on road today, Getting cravings, Fought them off, Been listening to an audio about the first year of the american revolutionary war, getting back into my exercise routine tomorrow. I dont drink very often but it was somewhat of an occation. I dont know if its the hangover or the relapse but the cravings were particuarlly strong to day but i resisted, about to take a shower then head back to the truck, might play a ps vita game for a little bit then go to bed.
First week, i was doing good, was actually missing masturbating more than the porn, started to feel great, i've been doing very light exercise for years (walking) but have decided to add wightlifting and try to get back to jogging a few miles 5 days a week. thats been working out, i think the reboot is helping me stay focused on that. i noticed i was getting alot of energy and my libido went through the roof at about the end of the first week, i was even noticing more confidence and flirting more with women. i've been having some loss of interest into second week, and i guess what caused my relapse was lonliness, The increased interest in real women has been playing havoc with my mind this second week and i've been feeling a little melancholy . i also made the mistake of not clearing out my trash bin on my laptop when i "deleted my stash" i've made sure to delete it all from my computer this time.
Ok, im starting over on day one since i relapsed yesterday.
Day 1. Got to visit with my uncle and aunt for the day, drinking some beer and playing computer games. I got a very nice msg from someone a year clean of porn and it was very helpfull, installed k9 on my computer with a toatly random password i didnt even look at when hitting the keys and copy pasted to a txt file. Would like to add i dont drink often but im kinda on vacation for past few days. i came clean with my brother who knows what im trying to do and talked with him about it. Feeling good and hopfeull about doing a hard 90.
Week 2, I think i kinda squashed some of week 2 into week 1 lols. but ok, into week 2, i was having trouble thinking about anything other than girls, was starting to get morning wood and vivid sexual dreams, no wet dreams, i dont think i've ever had a wet dream that i can recall. it was honestly driving me crazy a little bit. was doing good but ended up having a few drinks last night, and some how rationalized that i could look at it today. I read something earlier i'll keep in mind and that helped me kick a drug habbit i had in my early 20's, dont listen to your brain, that is helpfull advise because i belive your brain will try to trick you into getting what it wants.
I have already noticed a difference between yesterday and today after my relapse, Im back to being antisocial when i was starting to feel more social in week 2. i dont know if i was just hitting the "flatline" or what and i just flipped out. i'll be ready for it when that comes back around if so and would appreciate any advise on how to deal with feelings of loneliness that can lead to a relapse. i dont know if that makes sense to anyone but i think part of my porn addiction is to deal with occasional loneliness
Im having trouble replacing things with other activitys, for some reason during week 1 and 2, i had major loss of interest, but not really depression, its a weird feeling and hard to describe. Im just glad i found a place to get some help with this problem as the last woman i was with i couldnt preform at all without the porn, i was really into her sexually but got zip. I thought for awhile it was just nerves, but it's not, i have no problem at all getting an erection with porn, but without zip. I'll try to update this everyday and read some other journals and contribute like the journal suggestions say.
Ok, startin over at day 1 April 23rd. Got to visit with some family today, Had a few beers and visited for the day. Ate pizza, thats about all i did, felt a little dissapointed in myself for relapsing but also think it taught me a few things. I got a very friendly letter from someone who has recovered and it was very helpfull, he recomended a porn blocker and i installed k9. I just hit random letters and numbers and copy pasted it from notepad and saved the notepad, made it too big to memorize so i think that should help alot.
Day 2, April 24th. Back on road today, Getting cravings, Fought them off, Been listening to an audio about the first year of the american revolutionary war, getting back into my exercise routine tomorrow. I dont drink very often but it was somewhat of an occation. I dont know if its the hangover or the relapse but the cravings were particuarlly strong to day but i resisted, about to take a shower then head back to the truck, might play a ps vita game for a little bit then go to bed.