Should we escape porn by avoiding triggers or face it and fight it?

[PhoenixRevival]

Shoud we avoid triggers or face them and try understand them?
If we escape the triggers, aren't we preparing ourselves for something worse later on?

 

[macondo]

I think you should do a bit of both. Without a doubt, triggers will lead  you to relapse, and you def don't want that, so removing triggers, whether it be not surfing the web at night or in bed, is very important. At the same time, you need to train your mind not to want to look at P. I think we've all been there, laying in bed at night, thinking about surfing the web for just a bit to help us relax, and there's no way of removing the trigger of lying in bed.

Luckily for me, something just snapped in my mind, triggered by a horrible case of ED, and now I just don't want P. I realize how horrible it really is, and don't feel the urges like I used to. I still feel them though, have thought about looking at P, and when I do I go back to this site and go through peopel's posts, it helps.

Since my reboot, I've noticed huge changes, and that's the biggest encouragement. My voice is much deeper, I have more confidence, less anxiety, and my erections are coming back. There is the occcasional flatline, but for the most part I'm coming back strong.

Good luck Phoenix, we each face a different fight, hopefully you'll be able to find the right resources to help with yours.

 

[bzarfas]

Shoud we avoid triggers or face them and try understand them?
If we escape the triggers, aren't we preparing ourselves for something worse later on?

Ever dieted?
You don't hang out around the snack cart/fridge/bakery.  and you can't avoid food, it is everywhere, commericals, on signs as you drive down the road. etc

You must eat, you dont need to fap.  you'll want to, but remind yourself of the pros and cons, what brought you to this board in the 1st place.
stay strong

 

[bzarfas]

Whether a person can avoid triggers in a western country depends on their lifestyle. For example if they go to public school every day, then it's probably impossible to avoid triggers and pointless to try. But if they work from home and don't go out much, then they can probably successfully avoid triggers.

I didnt see an answer to his question? 

 

[Taka]

Shoud we avoid triggers or face them and try understand them?
If we escape the triggers, aren't we preparing ourselves for something worse later on?

Well I think me personally I am trying to understand them. Maybe not so much understand them but to use them to change my mindset. For example lately I am getting triggered by random places that reminds me of some scene I have watched in the past. Now what do I do with this fantasy in my mind? I have rationalized to myself that this is just my brain sorting out the trash and taking it out during the reboot. How that helps? I can take out the trash immediately whenever such fantasy occurs and focus my mind on something else. So I am not trying to avoid triggers because trigger can be anything. By this definition some of them cant be avoided. The thing might not be to understand them but to be able to deal with their consequences. I think I am starting to develop a "rational mindset" that helps me to overcome the urges.

 

[daws]

I don't avoid looking at wome in real life. Part of this whole thing is sexual shame which manifests itself in lurid acts of watching porn. If there is a beautiful woman who has taken hours getting ready putting her outfit on and going out. Why would you not look? I think its just what you need to think about her when you look which needs to be honed.

 

[dc6]

It depends on who you are. I think the most important part of making any kind of real life change is it teaches you about who you are. When you know who you are, you know what motivates you and what you can handle.

I have been through a few things in my life that required a great deal of willpower. Because of that, I know when I'm at a point where temptation can cause me problems and when I simply won't be tempted. To use the dieting example someone brought up earlier, I know when I can stand by the snack cart and not even be tempted to look at the pastries and other junk food. I also know when I will be tempted and need to keep myself away.

So the real answer is that it depends on you. I think if you can handle being tempted, it is not entirely unhealthy to test the waters so to speak. That does not mean, however, that I will ever advocate looking at porn. That is not testing the waters; that is relapsing as far as I'm concerned.

Part of this journey could be trial and error. It may involve testing out a trigger, and being happy with successfully staving off a relapse, or it could involve testing a trigger and learning something about yourself because you end up relapsing. Either way, you will learn something about yourself and get stronger.

 

[CrazyGopher]

I didnt see an answer to his question?

Well, I wanted to point out that totally avoiding triggers is impossible for many people.

 

[PhoenixRevival]

Thanks for replies guys. really helps.
So far, I am avoiding triggers, For example I look at women in real life but not stare for long.
But I am avoiding going porn sites or looking at artificial women on magazines or elsewhere.
It is working fine till now. Just now there was a porn act in a serie, I watched it, feeling a little turned on.
So I came back to forum to try get myself back on track, refocus on my objectives and my aim in life.
Concentrate on the important, real stuff. Ideally I should have zapped since that has derailed me some. So what I've understood from the posts is try to know my limits but not at the expense of a relapse. Came very close just then.

 

[Taka]

Yes for example TV series like true blood, spartacus or game of thrones can be quite graphical and explicit sometimes. (Talking about he morale gone lose in todays society). They have some dangerous material in them for sure For some it is best to avoid visual media at all.
I think you have summarized it well. You should know what can throw you off the balance and try to prepare some methods or actions of how to null the effects of these things. Like many of us said it is not always possible to avoid triggers but you can learn how to deal with the consequences.

 

[bzarfas]

Yes for example TV series like true blood, spartacus or game of thrones can be quite graphical and explicit sometimes. (Talking about he morale gone lose in todays society). They have some dangerous material in them for sure For some it is best to avoid visual media at all.
I think you have summarized it well. You should know what can throw you off the balance and try to prepare some methods or actions of how to null the effects of these things. Like many of us said it is not always possible to avoid triggers but you can learn how to deal with the consequences.

Yes, but ever try to go on a diet and you realize FOOD is everywhere, on tv shows, commericals as you drive down the road you see so many signs.
you have to deal with these stimuli and learn to not respond.
So you avoid food or porn triggers would be hard to do,  and in the end much easier to learn how to deal with them when you see them.

 

[PhoenixRevival]

Taka, some series are really tough to watch yea. It's getting harder and harder each day, at first it was easy but now am avoiding tv.
Bzarfas, for me avoiding porn is harder than a diet. For a diet, there are alternatives you can replace usual sugary food with to calm you down...  but for porn, there isn't many alternatives. Even drug addicts have alternative drugs to take to calm their cravings, what is the alternatives for porn then?

 

[Taka]

Yes Phoenix, it is not exactly you can go for soft porn or erotic movies. But hey there are great body activities that can give you satisfaction and dopamines - swimming, working out, running, hiking. I know it is not quite the same you are describing. If you look closely at it, it might be faster healing for drug addicts if they are not using substitutes for their drug. The can become addict to the substitute and its all over again for them. Well you can get addicted to excersise very easily so it is kind of a substitute why not as a substitute for porn addiction.

 

[bzarfas]

Taka, some series are really tough to watch yea. It's getting harder and harder each day, at first it was easy but now am avoiding tv.
Bzarfas, for me avoiding porn is harder than a diet. For a diet, there are alternatives you can replace usual sugary food with to calm you down...  but for porn, there isn't many alternatives. Even drug addicts have alternative drugs to take to calm their cravings, what is the alternatives for porn then?

there are alternatives to food? like what?  Rice cakes?
if there are alternatives why is most people so fat?

I need some help in understanding that idea,?  what alternatives?
skip the pizza and eat a rice cake?

What is porn really doing for you?

I like porn cause afterward, I'd go to sleep...otherwise going to sleep is an active process I have to go DO.

but I'm working to stop eating food, I got a treadmill($25/craigslist) and instead of eating and watching tv, I'll walk and watch tv and see how that goes.

I stopped the porn and started eating more, now I'm stopping eating and going to walk more

so when you get the desire to PMO, go do something else, even a walk, or learn something, or PLAY TERTIS/etc