Better see who moved

[Gracie]

On the forums, there is discussion about wives and how they are.  I feel that some of these are akin to the old saying, "If God seems far away, better see who moved." 

All of these marriages and or long term relationships, began with two happy people dedicated to creating a life together and sharing their lives.  They talk till the wee hours of the morning, laugh at each others jokes and make love  spontaneously and fun.  Then something changes and the people that could once talk, don't.  And at least looking at it from the perspective of this forum porn steps in.  It is the answer for not talking, it is the answer for bad day at work, it is the answer to money problems, it is the answer to wife is ill I have to do more, it is the answer to she said no not tonight (maybe more than once), if there is a problem, it is the answer.  And since it is a secret thing it gets you through. 

But, the talking is gone first.  Because the problem can be soothed for a time with porn and talking about the problem is not necessary and you have all the women we need.  Then the sex goes because you have all the women you need and they are ready whenever you are and they do not say no.  So you do not talk anymore, cuddle anymore. You have a new go to.....porn.  So as each of these steps take place you move away from your wife/GF.  She is still there.  She has to take care of everything that you do not feel like doing anymore.  And she does not feel the connection that was there.  It has changed. 

If we once were your reason for living, why do you change us to a bystander?

 

[Feetfirst]

Thank you Gracie for your profound insight. Always good to see things from another angle. One thing for sure. There is no logic to it, but then that could be said for all addiction. FF

 

[Steam rolled]

That is the sad truth, brought tears to my eyes.

Addiction made me think of another heart breaking life experience.

I had a ex of 5.5 years who had a cocaine addition( found out 1.5 years in ) and on his third binge / strike in the 5.5 years
He was gone in a weeks time!
Not because i didnt feel pretty enough, not that i was not enough in bed, not beacuse i didnt  know exactly what he was doing,Wonder what type of sex act he preferred, never felt like i could never be enough.....thats what porn does!!
It was coke- plain and simple!
Our lives were GREAT he loved my son and was great to my son, we talked ,we laughed, we loved but Coke would take over out of the blue, not evey day or when i took a shower or went to the store, or while i was sleeping ,not during work or at lunch break.....thats what porn does.

So i lost my best friend to coke, and it was easy to say good bye.
My son was #1 priority- and drugs in our lives were NOT a option.

Now I feel like i lost my best friend to porn / lies and its NOT easy!
Though he has been clean 1 year now, i cant help but feel like that bystander everyday!!!
We went from so close to yet im so far away now, and i hide it.
It has torn me apart and will never be the same!