Is it possible to completely conquer this?

[Strugglesaurus]

Hello. I have an account over at nofap.com as well, but I wanted to post something here, as there is a lovely community of ladies here (and many more than NoFap, it would seem).

My fiance has gone very nearly 5 months without PMO, edging, searching for triggers, ogling women, etc. Although he has been wonderfully considerate, open, and understanding, I still cannot get over what has happened. It's a daily struggle to not have negative thoughts or flashbacks. I can't get the thought out of my head that, "Sure, he can make it 5 months, 10 months, a year, but how do you conquer something so enticing?" Porn is incredibly, incredibly enticing. Not just for men, but for women too. Porn is quite possibly the craftiest drug delivery system ever created. People are surrounded by sexual imagery in the media and day-to-day life. We're conditioned to hold sex above many other things in the world, and this applies to men in particular. It's freely available and you can watch anything and everything you could imagine. I feel like there will always be a temptation to PMO, always a way for him to get it. Anything could go wrong at any time. How in the hell can this thing be controlled over a long period of time? The only way I could see is taking it to extremes. For example, moving to a remote location with no internet. I am having difficulties imagining my fiance still clean 5 years down the road. He could get triggered one day and the measly bit of trust we have re-established could be back at square one.

Do the women here feel the same way?

Also: I'm having issues dealing with the fact that he works on a university campus and school is about to start soon. Many beautiful women walking around and in his building for class and such. Any tips on dealing with the anxiety this is giving me?

Thank you for reading.

 

[chickaboomski]

Welcome and sorry you are here in this boat. I have been telling everybody I know to practice Meditation. I even go to a professional for this at least every 2 weeks. I practice yoga at least once a week also. It is not a cure, but is a proven method particularly with the breathing techniques that it releases chemicals that neautralize the stress chemicals in the brain. Much the same way the addiction has a chemical neaurological base, while everything we feel is real, the stress chemicals emphasize and exaggerate this which makes it worse. This is such a shitty road. I have held back from posting when things are tough to try and keep it positive and not drag others down. But truth is, it hurts like hell and is a fuckin shitty ride. I screamed in my head the other day I just want to get off. My partner never really admitted addiction. He said he would stop when I first confronted him with my pain once I knew what was causing his DE and basic no interest in sex. It took several confrontations and eventually an ultimatum before he took it seriously. He has obstained from porn sites but the just last night I found his youtube history and he slipped. I still haven't dealt with this. We have so many other issues going on which leaves him in a position of depression and something that makes it all go away for just a moment is hard to resist is easy to understand if you know the situation. But by all means not easy to deal with. Its like a rabbit trap at times. One day I am up the next I am stuck. Knowing your man has done 5 months is although a positive thing. Communication and acknowledgement has to count for something. As for the lingering uneasyness. Try to manage the best you can, in the most positive way you can. Afterall, we chose to stay on this ride by sticking around. So I feel that means that we know our men are worth it.
Xx good luck and keep posting

 

[sodonewithit]

As a guy I can't tell you it isn't tempting but if he has stopped and is wanting to be clean he will be.  This isn't different than smoking, drinking or normal drug use in temptation will always be around the corner but once you are done it is a mixture of will power and desire.  Since starting I've seen a great improvement in stuff which convinced me I was on the right path such that I don't wish to go back. 

Other women will always look good just as some men should be enticing to your eye but that doesn't mean anyone will just go off cheating or fapping. 

Sorry this happened to you and him.  Good luck and have faith in the process, it works.

 

[SickOfIt]

Hello Strugglesaurus,

I think it is quite possible to complete conquer this if your SO wants to quit porn. My husband stopped watching it a year ago and so far he is doing good.  I think it is like with any kind of addiction, if someone wants to change he/she will no matter what!  Your finance is on a right path and he has done 5 months.It is possible and frankly after a year of porn free my husband says he doesn't need it and he feels better about himself. 
If comes to me, first I was so negative and skeptical  about him quitting  porn then I started to research more and more. It helped a lot. I totally understand now that his porn addiction was never about me, mind you he started watching when he was 12 years old. I wasn't even in a picture back then. More I knew about it than less I was insecure about it. So educate yourself as much as you can so whatever happens you will be prepare to accept it. There is a guy on you tube his name is Mark and he has an awesome channel called sacred sexuality project.  He is a very intelligent man and he helped me understand my husband addiction.  Another guy who is very intelligent is pastor mark gungor.  You can Google him up, he is on youtube and he has his own radio show.
Anyway my husband works with lots of women and I never was worried about other girls. I am sure some of them might be pretty than me but I just don't worry about them.  I guess I don't worry about stuff like that because he is married to me and he knows that I do not tolerate a cheating or flirting with another females.
I would suggest you talk to your fiance more often, even if it is something silly that bothers you. If you can't openly communicate than write emails to each others.  Good luck!

 

[Steam rolled]

Do the women here feel the same way?

Yes even 16 months of him being clean of PMO.
90% of the time i just keep it inside
The loss of trust is the main problem for me!!

But now that he has been clean he is a totally different man.
He dont gock at woman as objects, as a matter of fact its almost like they are invisable sometimes.
He works with all men and he hates it , now he sees them as totally rude he even stepped away from work for a year just to re group our life and himself and distance from them, lucky he is the boss/ owner and could do that.
He still doesnt go most times, we hired someone else to take over.
Music changed
Tv shows changed
So a lot of adjustments were made.
And yes it/ sex image is always there, but its about control and a plan.
And most of all seeing and excepting this is a big problem. ( nothing starts until then)
Life is better with a TON of work and a TON of tears.

I feel bad for men really they been brain washed at a young age to think woman were for there pleasure and once or if they GROW UP and find out they been dooped.
Life is so much better for them and everyone around them!

Best wish good luck!