Hello there.
Good luck with your journal!
I can relate a lot to your story especially the part about how you were a promissing student and how P destroyed it all. I've been said very often during my teens that I had great potential and I feel like P destroyed all of my self discipline/confidence. I can remember going back from school, PMO a couple of time and then all of a sudden not wanting to do anything related to studies, and I did this for such a long time not knowing what was happening...