My first Erectile Dysfunction.

jacob2010

jacob2010

Member
Hi, my name is Jacob... N I do not know if I am addicted to porn or not but I came for advice because I am very na?ve and I make little problems huge and obsess about them so I felt this site might help me a little or I might discover that I actually have an addiction. I hope no one judges me for being a gay male and no one says hurtful words but I am 23 and wanting advice to ease my anxiety. I was performing sexual acts with a partner yesterday and I couldn't keep an erection. We've known each other for 5 years and recently we went through a half a year with having issues and I feel it's too soon to seek comfort from him. He was my best friend and recently we have been talking again to rekindle. However we talked and this was our second sexual act from our gap of communication and I couldn't keep an erection.. It made me worry because I never had an issue before or the first sexual act after the gap but I've been worried of being able to keep an erection. Anyways.. I have actually reached to my soul and been soul searching a question society and the universe. I am a huge conspiracy theorist, but to keep on track, I just trusted my intuition and my intuition was telling me to stop watching porn because it gives us false expectations and it actually hurts our sexuality. I questioned this because before, my male best friend/hope to be partner and I did sexual acts I watched porn for probably 5 to 7 hours. (HOPEFULLY THIS DOESN'T TRIGGER PEOPLE'S NEGATIVE WAY OF THINKING) but I have noticed that If I am off work and bored I will watch porn for 5 or 6 hours a day... just to watch it.. N I question Why.... but I just thought to myself that it's just what I do and I'm sure other guys are worse.... Anywho...I realized that I have watched a lot of pornography in my lifetime. Not only for pleasure but because I also tried to change my sexuality because it wasn't accepted in my family and my step dad mentally abused me.. (not trying to play the victim or blame them for my issue, however it seem I could have started an addiction when I was younger and not realized it.) Is it possible to be addicted but have episodes where you go away from the substance and then come back? PROBABLY. Anyways... I couldn't keep my erection yesterday... n for some reason I came to a youtube site about porn addiction and this guy was talking about erectile dysfunctions, not being focused, and having major anxiety.. So, I could sorta relate but in my mind I do not have an addiction. Something in my heart just told me to not watch porn anymore and that it's bad for the soul and for the expectations. Before I fell in love with my best friend, I did have an idea of what my partner should look like and in my mind this fictional character looked like the men in the porn industry. These men with unrealistic looks, that I don't even have. However, recently, I have been in touch with my inner being and soul searching and the other night, after watching 5 to 7 hours of porn and not even getting off just staying erected.. I thought it was wrong and unhealthy and weird and then after this erectile dysfunction episode.. I got nervous cause I don't want to not be aroused to someone I love.. I want to be able to please this person... (hope people are not offended by homosexuals.. sorry if you are.. I'm just seeking help because I've never experienced a erectile dysfunction and I was told that it only happens to old men 40 years or older.. but because I worry, I have been researching erectile dysfunctions and they say erectile dysfunctions can happen to younger men psychological wise...

Anywho.. I used to watch straight porn as well to try and change my sexual orientation and I would spend hours and hours everyday to try and get aroused by women.. n now and again I would watch gay porn for 5 or 6 hours a day.. but I did have episodes of not watching porn but I would always come back.. so... anyone give good advice to help me a little. I scheduled an appointment with a therapist but I don't go until June 9th.. wish it was sooner.... Anywho... thanks to those who have read and didn't judge cause of my sexuality.. Thank you
 
L

liveradiance

Member
Hi,

No one here is going to judge you and if someone does they'll probably end up banned from this forum.

Seeking answers within yourself is something that very few people have the courage to do because they are afraid of what they will find there.

There are lots of things that can influence how do we get aroused by our partners. Not getting aroused by your partner happens sometimes, if you are seeing each other often it is normal not to be in a mood sometimes because of stress, anxiety or just because you don't wanna do it right now. There is no reason to panic it will only make things worse, one philosopher, Bertrand Russell, had a habit of making the list of what he is afraid that it is going to happen if he does something. He often found out when he did the thing that he was afraid of, none of the things from the list came true.

Watching porn 5-6 hours a days is a lot and your intuition was probably right when it told you to stop.

Hang out with your partner again, go slow, relax, forget about the past and focus on the moment. See what happens, just because you couldn't get hard once does not mean that it became a rule.

If your problem starts to repeat than you will now for sure, this may be just a one time thing.
 
jacob2010

jacob2010

Member
Thank you for your encouraging words... I am afraid that this might happen again and I do not want this to happen again... I mean, I used to be able to stay aroused by my partner before, even though he isn't the best looking, but I do love him.. N I tend to worry too much but I feel it's too soon to start my worrying again.. We've known each other for 5 years.. and lived with each other for four years and we got into a huge fight and it went on for months and then we stopped talking to each other for a couple months but now he's coming back.. SLOWLY... So, I'm a little afraid to confide in him so soon cause I know one of my issues is worrying about small things and then obsessing about them. But anywho... it won't hurt me to quit porn... =) I just don't like that I'm starting erectile dysfunctions so early lol.. with someone I love... ya know?? I'm sure you understand.. Actually, now when I have the urge to watch porn, I just youtube anti-porn videos lmao! But I  do know I overreact on a lot of things and I'm sure if I worry about this thing all the time, it will happen more and more. Thank you again for the kind reply and actually easing me. Maybe I'll try to learn to let things go and try my hardest to learn that I can't control everything. I feel a little more at peace, now. YAY!
 
Bibbity

Bibbity

Active Member
I mean, I used to be able to stay aroused by my partner before, even though he isn't the best looking, but I do love him
Click to expand...

I had to highlight the above quote to let you know that a big benefit of being away from porn and sexual imagery is that the partner you love becomes the most beautiful partner in the world to you.  They become the image of perfection in your eyes!  When you can view a person for their whole being and not just their parts or their attractiveness you transcend the very idea of "good looking" :)
 
Viper

Viper

Well-Known Member
Bibbity said:
I mean, I used to be able to stay aroused by my partner before, even though he isn't the best looking, but I do love him
Click to expand...

I had to highlight the above quote to let you know that a big benefit of being away from porn and sexual imagery is that the partner you love becomes the most beautiful partner in the world to you.  They become the image of perfection in your eyes!  When you can view a person for their whole being and not just their parts or their attractiveness you transcend the very idea of "good looking" :)
Click to expand...

what she said-
 
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