Hotshot007
Member
Hello there, I was hoping to get some advice/stories/any feedback from the partners of PIED sufferers, as I am kind of at a loss when dealing with this. The full written story is at [http://legacy.rebootnation.org/index.php?topic=6104.0][/url], but for the tl;dr version, meet woman recently through close friends, have tried to be intimate as have been in the past, ran into problems, trying to reboot because figure it cannot hurt although am also scheduled to be checked out by doctor as well to rule out everything I can.
Looking back now, have had some intimacy issues previously, a lot to do with physiologically (under)performing/dealing with this as well as relating to different partners. The straight-out ED, that is relatively recent, as I didn;t really have that problem before (thank you young libido), although previously I could feel that I was 'slowing down' in bed (long lead up, short duration) and wasn;t able to get ready again as soon, but I thought that this was due mostly to aging a bit, as I was 30 now, not 13 anymore. It wasn;t until I had the ED, in front of a VERY willing and ready to go partner, that i realized this may be a problem, and have been trying everything ever since. The reasons to reboot sound very like the reasons I am trying it myself, PIED, trouble getting and staying hard with a partner, as well as the associated pain and stress it can cause on a relationship, are what have led me to try this reboot in the first place. And if it turns out that this reboot is the only way to go and there is nothing wrong physiologically, its going to take a little while, which can be hard on any relationship, even if both partners have been around and known each other for a long time, but most especially on a new relationship. So it makes me feel like I want to tread around her on tiptoes, around all the emotional landmines here, both hers and mine, just for the sake of staying with her.
The biggest emotional issue I think I have now is I do not want to not hurt this woman anymore than she already has been. She has had a serious of bad relationships in the past (although at the age we are at now I would say that no one has gone through their lives without experiencing some bad things). So the first thing is I just don;t want to hurt her anymore, although i don;t want to lose her either. If she said tomorrow that having to deal with my stuff on top of the stress her own problems was just too much and she didn;t think this relationship was going to work, I would be devastated. At the same time though, I don;t think i could blame her one bit, as I didn;t even know I had this problem until it revealed itself at a very inopportune time. So while I would hope, and love, and fight like hell to try and stay with her, logically I can see why she wouldn't want to subject herself to going through all this (possibly again, in her case). Feels like I just can;t blame her for not wanting to stay with someone who is only good as half-a-man (or possibly even less) here. Really my words there, not hers, as she has assured me that she doesn;t view me that way, but its hard to get that version of me out of my head(s) until I can prove to her, and to myself, that I am NOT that.
But right now, due to all this and other various things, it feels like our relationship has really kind of been cooling off. I mean, we used to text each other alot, at least every day, with jokes and sexts and just other various electronic BS just to try and keep close when we had to be physically apart. Now with everything that has happened, it just feels like there is this gulf between us now, that she doesn't want to breach until there is at least an idea of what is wrong here, as she can;t help feeling like psychologically some of it is her, and unless she has unconsciously been secreting sexual suppression pheromones I know it has to be all me. And I don't want to breach this chasm yet because i am scared that i will push her away even more here by trying to go at it ham-handed, or without a decent focus. Does anyone have any advice here, experiences or thoughts on the matter here, as since this is probably the first person i could honestly say i have ever contemplated spending the rest of my life with her and being totally happy so i REALLY don;t want to lose her...
Looking back now, have had some intimacy issues previously, a lot to do with physiologically (under)performing/dealing with this as well as relating to different partners. The straight-out ED, that is relatively recent, as I didn;t really have that problem before (thank you young libido), although previously I could feel that I was 'slowing down' in bed (long lead up, short duration) and wasn;t able to get ready again as soon, but I thought that this was due mostly to aging a bit, as I was 30 now, not 13 anymore. It wasn;t until I had the ED, in front of a VERY willing and ready to go partner, that i realized this may be a problem, and have been trying everything ever since. The reasons to reboot sound very like the reasons I am trying it myself, PIED, trouble getting and staying hard with a partner, as well as the associated pain and stress it can cause on a relationship, are what have led me to try this reboot in the first place. And if it turns out that this reboot is the only way to go and there is nothing wrong physiologically, its going to take a little while, which can be hard on any relationship, even if both partners have been around and known each other for a long time, but most especially on a new relationship. So it makes me feel like I want to tread around her on tiptoes, around all the emotional landmines here, both hers and mine, just for the sake of staying with her.
The biggest emotional issue I think I have now is I do not want to not hurt this woman anymore than she already has been. She has had a serious of bad relationships in the past (although at the age we are at now I would say that no one has gone through their lives without experiencing some bad things). So the first thing is I just don;t want to hurt her anymore, although i don;t want to lose her either. If she said tomorrow that having to deal with my stuff on top of the stress her own problems was just too much and she didn;t think this relationship was going to work, I would be devastated. At the same time though, I don;t think i could blame her one bit, as I didn;t even know I had this problem until it revealed itself at a very inopportune time. So while I would hope, and love, and fight like hell to try and stay with her, logically I can see why she wouldn't want to subject herself to going through all this (possibly again, in her case). Feels like I just can;t blame her for not wanting to stay with someone who is only good as half-a-man (or possibly even less) here. Really my words there, not hers, as she has assured me that she doesn;t view me that way, but its hard to get that version of me out of my head(s) until I can prove to her, and to myself, that I am NOT that.
But right now, due to all this and other various things, it feels like our relationship has really kind of been cooling off. I mean, we used to text each other alot, at least every day, with jokes and sexts and just other various electronic BS just to try and keep close when we had to be physically apart. Now with everything that has happened, it just feels like there is this gulf between us now, that she doesn't want to breach until there is at least an idea of what is wrong here, as she can;t help feeling like psychologically some of it is her, and unless she has unconsciously been secreting sexual suppression pheromones I know it has to be all me. And I don't want to breach this chasm yet because i am scared that i will push her away even more here by trying to go at it ham-handed, or without a decent focus. Does anyone have any advice here, experiences or thoughts on the matter here, as since this is probably the first person i could honestly say i have ever contemplated spending the rest of my life with her and being totally happy so i REALLY don;t want to lose her...
