5 months...still in the darkness

[rebooter23]

At 7 months now..Unfortunately still not noticing changes in libido. However relatives have noticed some changes in me after not seeing me for a while, so maybe something good is happening..One can only hope.

How much are you using your computer? Are you surfing YouTube for hours or playing a lot of video games?
Dopamine isn't just released from porn. It could also be the next big loot in a game, the perfect headshot, the funny video showing people doing amazing things... etc etc etc. That can be overlooked during a reboot.
If we get our dopamine from a screen (even facebook can do this), then the reboot might be suffering from that. Its just a theory on my part, but I think there is merit in looking at that if you feel yourself stuck.

Thank you for the advice. Actually not very much at all. My laptop broke last year and I haven't replaced it. I only use the computer (I go to the library) for work stuff and i don't browse the web nor do I have a facebook account. I don't watch tv for more than 2 hours a day. I don't play video games. I play a sport every day. I have been making a concerted effort to do this because when I tried this last time I was able to hold off on pmo for 14 months but the whole time I just stayed on my computer playing games like 8 hours a day, and I hadn't really learned about this site at that point. I did notice some positive changes after those 14 months but then unfortunately I got frustrated and dove back in again. The reason I am noticing my lack of libido now is that I still don't have any real motivation to do anything. Everything that I do I force myself to do with the hope that it will get better some day. Even when I play a sport well I guess my sensors are so numb so it doesn't feel fun to me.  It feels like my brain is screaming at me to pmo. It seems like all the fetishes I developed are stronger now than they were earlier in the reboot. It feels like my brain is screaming for dopamine and it is not finding it anywhere. I really hope this is the dark before the dawn.

 

[SETI]

At 7 months now..Unfortunately still not noticing changes in libido. However relatives have noticed some changes in me after not seeing me for a while, so maybe something good is happening..One can only hope.

Thank you for the advice. Actually not very much at all. My laptop broke last year and I haven't replaced it. I only use the computer (I go to the library) for work stuff and i don't browse the web nor do I have a facebook account. I don't watch tv for more than 2 hours a day. I don't play video games. I play a sport every day. I have been making a concerted effort to do this because when I tried this last time I was able to hold off on pmo for 14 months but the whole time I just stayed on my computer playing games like 8 hours a day, and I hadn't really learned about this site at that point. I did notice some positive changes after those 14 months but then unfortunately I got frustrated and dove back in again. The reason I am noticing my lack of libido now is that I still don't have any real motivation to do anything. Everything that I do I force myself to do with the hope that it will get better some day. Even when I play a sport well I guess my sensors are so numb so it doesn't feel fun to me.  It feels like my brain is screaming at me to pmo. It seems like all the fetishes I developed are stronger now than they were earlier in the reboot. It feels like my brain is screaming for dopamine and it is not finding it anywhere. I really hope this is the dark before the dawn.

Why did you get frustrated? I am thinking maybe you were expecting something to happen and it didn't?

 

[rebooter23]

Yeah, at that point I didn't really know what my problem was. I knew masturbation was a problem because it was the only thing that was still fun, but I hadn't reached out and hadn't been on this site. I guess I just assumed that not masturbating would fix everything. Then when I relapsed I kind of lost hope again and fell into it. Like I said I played computer games for like 10 hours a day so I really didn't commit to a "reboot" persay.  Another reason I fell into  it was because I had moved into a new place and had no tv and hadn't revived my 'natural pathways' of sports. So I was just sitting around with nothing to do and at first I thought of mo'ing but then my brain actually told me that was a low option, but I ended up doing it just out of boredom. One thing I noticed at that time though was that my morality and what my desires were actually matched up. My brain for once wasn't telling me to do something that I knew was wrong, it was just out of boredom.  I wish I had stumbled upon this site before then..

In any case now I am fully committed to the reboot. A couple positives to note is that a friend after not seeing me for a few months into my reboot said that I look good and healthy without knowledge of my reboot. Then a few months after that a relative said that there was something different about me, again just from seeing me. So apparently there is some kind of change in my appearance, which is good, but I am still not getting pleasure from natural rewards, so it is hard for me to notice progress. I guess what I am hoping for is to start noticing some emotion and some pleasure from natural rewards. It has been sooooooo long since I have felt emotion and since I got please from a natural reward. way too long.

 

[SETI]

Yeah, at that point I didn't really know what my problem was. I knew masturbation was a problem because it was the only thing that was still fun, but I hadn't reached out and hadn't been on this site. I guess I just assumed that not masturbating would fix everything. Then when I relapsed I kind of lost hope again and fell into it. Like I said I played computer games for like 10 hours a day so I really didn't commit to a "reboot" persay.  Another reason I fell into  it was because I had moved into a new place and had no tv and hadn't revived my 'natural pathways' of sports. So I was just sitting around with nothing to do and at first I thought of mo'ing but then my brain actually told me that was a low option, but I ended up doing it just out of boredom. One thing I noticed at that time though was that my morality and what my desires were actually matched up. My brain for once wasn't telling me to do something that I knew was wrong, it was just out of boredom.  I wish I had stumbled upon this site before then..

In any case now I am fully committed to the reboot. A couple positives to note is that a friend after not seeing me for a few months into my reboot said that I look good and healthy without knowledge of my reboot. Then a few months after that a relative said that there was something different about me, again just from seeing me. So apparently there is some kind of change in my appearance, which is good, but I am still not getting pleasure from natural rewards, so it is hard for me to notice progress. I guess what I am hoping for is to start noticing some emotion and some pleasure from natural rewards. It has been sooooooo long since I have felt emotion and since I got please from a natural reward. way too long.

What are "natural rewards" to you? Are you trying to force yourself to like things because that's what you *should* like?

 

[jacob2010]

idk if this will seem insensitive or not but have you tried counseling??? You don't have to go to counseling for porn addiction or anything like that but you can go to counseling to talk about your issues of depression. Just don't take any pills but they could help with some feelings and if you feel alone and need someone face to face to talk about some issues, counseling does help. You can always refuse their advice but it doesn't hurt to get help if you feel extremely depressed. =) 

 

[rebooter23]

Yeah, at that point I didn't really know what my problem was. I knew masturbation was a problem because it was the only thing that was still fun, but I hadn't reached out and hadn't been on this site. I guess I just assumed that not masturbating would fix everything. Then when I relapsed I kind of lost hope again and fell into it. Like I said I played computer games for like 10 hours a day so I really didn't commit to a "reboot" persay.  Another reason I fell into  it was because I had moved into a new place and had no tv and hadn't revived my 'natural pathways' of sports. So I was just sitting around with nothing to do and at first I thought of mo'ing but then my brain actually told me that was a low option, but I ended up doing it just out of boredom. One thing I noticed at that time though was that my morality and what my desires were actually matched up. My brain for once wasn't telling me to do something that I knew was wrong, it was just out of boredom.  I wish I had stumbled upon this site before then..

In any case now I am fully committed to the reboot. A couple positives to note is that a friend after not seeing me for a few months into my reboot said that I look good and healthy without knowledge of my reboot. Then a few months after that a relative said that there was something different about me, again just from seeing me. So apparently there is some kind of change in my appearance, which is good, but I am still not getting pleasure from natural rewards, so it is hard for me to notice progress. I guess what I am hoping for is to start noticing some emotion and some pleasure from natural rewards. It has been sooooooo long since I have felt emotion and since I got please from a natural reward. way too long.

What are "natural rewards" to you? Are you trying to force yourself to like things because that's what you *should* like?

Natural rewards are things that I had always liked and gradually stopped liking as I slipped into addiction. Primarily it was sports. I always used to love playing sports but as I slipped into this addiction I stopped liking sports, stopped wanting to go out, stopping liking girls. Everything just became meaningless and dull. Anything that I do that isn't mo is a chore, so all I am doing is trying to do the things I used to like and hoping that it will start to feel fun again. I just did a lot of damage which is why I know it is taking too long. When I was 15 I stopped mo'ing to porn that I actually 'liked' and just started to pursue fetishes because it gave me the new sensation or 'shock' factor. This just got worse and worse and I am 25 now, so pretty much 10 years of raising my dopamine levels needs to be undone. I have a feeling it is going to take a long time, a lot longer than your average addict.

 

[rebooter23]

idk if this will seem insensitive or not but have you tried counseling??? You don't have to go to counseling for porn addiction or anything like that but you can go to counseling to talk about your issues of depression. Just don't take any pills but they could help with some feelings and if you feel alone and need someone face to face to talk about some issues, counseling does help. You can always refuse their advice but it doesn't hurt to get help if you feel extremely depressed. =)

I actually have and I mentioned the porn addiction. The problem with counseling is that they seem to want to say masturbation is 'natural' and ok, etc. The ones that I talked to also seem to think depression has something to do with it. It is kind of the chicken or the egg thing. I think depression pushed me into this so I am sure there are elements of both.  I have tried medication in the past, and while it has increased happiness at times, I still didn't feel alive like I used to. I was just pacified. I am not really searching for happiness necessarily, I just want to feel alive again and have things matter again. Like I said I have not felt sadness/happiness for over 10 years. I have just completely numbed everything away as a defense mechanism against pain, so I guess getting it back is going to take a long while.

 

[Gabe Deem]

@ rebooter23

I actually have and I mentioned the porn addiction. The problem with counseling is that they seem to want to say masturbation is 'natural' and ok, etc.

The problem is not masturbation. The main problem is porn. Porn addiction is like an internet addiction, not a masturbation addiction. Most guys with porn-induced ED cannot even masturbate without porn. It is very important to educate who we talk to about porn addiction that clicking from video to video watching novel, increasingly shocking porn clips can keep dopamine elevated for unnatural amounts of time, ultimately leading to a numbed and re-wired brain. Masturbation alone historically would not win a guys desires over a real women, but internet porn can.