I'm happy to have found YBOP and Rebootnation. Because of these two sites I actually realized that my ED was cause by porn.
My story:
I'm 22 years old. I have been watching porn and masturbating regularly since I was a kid. I never had any ED or reasons at all to think that watching porn was a problem. But about 2 years ago I left my first girlfriend and watched a lot of porn instead of having real sex as well as watching. And this is where the problems began.
1,5 years ago I was going to have sex with a girl and got such a bad erection that there was no way I could penetrate her. I had no clue what was going on which made me quite depressed. I were never to see the girl again anyway so I just tried not to think about it too much.
About 3 months later I found myself in bed with some one night stand, once again my penis didn't want to behave. She gave me a blow job and I was quite hard but when turning to penetrate i wasn't hard enough. This time I was really wondering what was going on with me, twice in a row can't be normal I thought. But when I thought about it I just blamed the alcohol and moved on.
Another 3 months later I again found myself in bed with a girl and the same problem AGAIN. Now I knew I had a problem but what? I got depressed after this time, watching more porn to care less about my failure.
Some time after that I by some miracle found YBOP and read about all of this. I remember not beeing sure about what to make of all this. Was the porn the cause of my ED? Didn't make sense to me. But the more I read about this and guys telling their stories I knew it was true. I had to start a reboot.
So I decided to not watch porn or masturbate for 2 months. 3 days later... You know what happend. Telling myself that all of this was bullshit I keept masturbating daily to porn for a few weeks. My second try, I decided to get of porn and masturbation for 3 months to fully recover. This time I lasted about 10 days and started of a marathon of PMO. I now gave it all a few weeks more before deciding to stop watching porn completly but keep masturbating. That worked good. I kept masturbating without porn for like a few months and then I met a girl.
When I started dating this girl I really thought I would have no problems in bed. I was actually certain about that. But when we lay there naked doing some sexy foreplay it struck me, THIS WONT WORK. It sure didn't. However though we kept dating and more or less giving each other hand jobs for a living. Trying to have normal sex but everytime we tried we gave up on it more and more. We dated for about 4 months. She knew about the cause of my problems but together I knew it was going to be impossible to resist getting orgasms. So one day I decided to tell her it's over. I wanted to fix myself before digging myself deeper into this relationship. I think that the few days after breaking up with her I never have been so sad in my whole life. I had to give up an amazing girl cause of ED. It was heartbreaking. However it gave me motivation.
Back to today:
Since breaking up I'm free of PMO for 63 days and counting, the initial goal was 90 days but I won't MO before I consider myself fully healed and I will not O before being able to do so INSIDE a woman.
I actually didn't care to much about noting what days I had MW or flatline periods and stuff but I know that week 1 I was horny. Week 2-3 or something was kinda flat. After that it has been diffrent on a daily basis. I wake up with MW that are 70-80% erections. A few days so far I had really good MW erections. I think I had like 1 or 2 random erections but I can't be sure if they came from something else, like some stupid ads on the internet or a hot chick outside.
The first 3 weeks I had a lot of mood swings. I've read that guys normally get's those. But I'm not sure wether they were from not PMOing or from missing the girl I dumped. I lean to think it was the later or perhaps a combination.
I have had NO problem what so ever keeping away from porn, I've been of that for about 7 months anyway. And to be honest I don't have much problems keeping my hands away either. I just remember two times where I really wanted to masturbate. Once I just had a nice morning wood stepping in to the shower but easily shrugged it off me. The other one is kinda funny/stupid. One night I was out with a mate and we ended up in a stripclub after having bad luck with ladies in the bar. We watched a striptease, nothing more to it. Waste of money actually. But they also had a shop there so I somehow talked myself into buying a fleshlight. That night I REALLY REALLY wanted to try it, when the thought of how it would feel came to my mind I got super horny. But after consideration I decided to keep that shit for later.
What I do feel is so hard about this is that I can never know when I'm fully healed. I can't know before trying if I'm enough healed to have sex. I don't feel like trying out a one night stand to find out where I'm at, I'm really afraid that I will push myself to O without doing it properly. At the same time I don't want to date a girl and tell her about all of this just to find out I need more time. But I don't think I have much of a choice, perhaps i'm already healed, perhaps I need a whole year without PMO. I was never into really hardcore porn or used deathgrip masturbation that I read about so I really do hope that 90 days will be enough.
Tonight I was out to a club with a couple of friends. Me and a buddy hooked up with two girls who were friends. Just making out, talking and having a great time. I got her number and I told her that we are going shopping next week. So I have a date if I want to go. But my ED is always in the back of my head and I can't decide if I wanna try just yet, maybe I should just wait a month before dating. I don't have a lot of trouble getting girls these days so I certainly have the option.
I will update this post when I feel like I have something to write so stay tuned.
Lastly I want to wish everyone out there with ED or other porn related problems good luck on your journeys. So far I've gone from masturbation addict to not having any urges at all, almost. And I'm really proud of that, even if I might have a long road to complete recovery ahead of me.
Good luck to me and you!
FishY
My story:
I'm 22 years old. I have been watching porn and masturbating regularly since I was a kid. I never had any ED or reasons at all to think that watching porn was a problem. But about 2 years ago I left my first girlfriend and watched a lot of porn instead of having real sex as well as watching. And this is where the problems began.
1,5 years ago I was going to have sex with a girl and got such a bad erection that there was no way I could penetrate her. I had no clue what was going on which made me quite depressed. I were never to see the girl again anyway so I just tried not to think about it too much.
About 3 months later I found myself in bed with some one night stand, once again my penis didn't want to behave. She gave me a blow job and I was quite hard but when turning to penetrate i wasn't hard enough. This time I was really wondering what was going on with me, twice in a row can't be normal I thought. But when I thought about it I just blamed the alcohol and moved on.
Another 3 months later I again found myself in bed with a girl and the same problem AGAIN. Now I knew I had a problem but what? I got depressed after this time, watching more porn to care less about my failure.
Some time after that I by some miracle found YBOP and read about all of this. I remember not beeing sure about what to make of all this. Was the porn the cause of my ED? Didn't make sense to me. But the more I read about this and guys telling their stories I knew it was true. I had to start a reboot.
So I decided to not watch porn or masturbate for 2 months. 3 days later... You know what happend. Telling myself that all of this was bullshit I keept masturbating daily to porn for a few weeks. My second try, I decided to get of porn and masturbation for 3 months to fully recover. This time I lasted about 10 days and started of a marathon of PMO. I now gave it all a few weeks more before deciding to stop watching porn completly but keep masturbating. That worked good. I kept masturbating without porn for like a few months and then I met a girl.
When I started dating this girl I really thought I would have no problems in bed. I was actually certain about that. But when we lay there naked doing some sexy foreplay it struck me, THIS WONT WORK. It sure didn't. However though we kept dating and more or less giving each other hand jobs for a living. Trying to have normal sex but everytime we tried we gave up on it more and more. We dated for about 4 months. She knew about the cause of my problems but together I knew it was going to be impossible to resist getting orgasms. So one day I decided to tell her it's over. I wanted to fix myself before digging myself deeper into this relationship. I think that the few days after breaking up with her I never have been so sad in my whole life. I had to give up an amazing girl cause of ED. It was heartbreaking. However it gave me motivation.
Back to today:
Since breaking up I'm free of PMO for 63 days and counting, the initial goal was 90 days but I won't MO before I consider myself fully healed and I will not O before being able to do so INSIDE a woman.
I actually didn't care to much about noting what days I had MW or flatline periods and stuff but I know that week 1 I was horny. Week 2-3 or something was kinda flat. After that it has been diffrent on a daily basis. I wake up with MW that are 70-80% erections. A few days so far I had really good MW erections. I think I had like 1 or 2 random erections but I can't be sure if they came from something else, like some stupid ads on the internet or a hot chick outside.
The first 3 weeks I had a lot of mood swings. I've read that guys normally get's those. But I'm not sure wether they were from not PMOing or from missing the girl I dumped. I lean to think it was the later or perhaps a combination.
I have had NO problem what so ever keeping away from porn, I've been of that for about 7 months anyway. And to be honest I don't have much problems keeping my hands away either. I just remember two times where I really wanted to masturbate. Once I just had a nice morning wood stepping in to the shower but easily shrugged it off me. The other one is kinda funny/stupid. One night I was out with a mate and we ended up in a stripclub after having bad luck with ladies in the bar. We watched a striptease, nothing more to it. Waste of money actually. But they also had a shop there so I somehow talked myself into buying a fleshlight. That night I REALLY REALLY wanted to try it, when the thought of how it would feel came to my mind I got super horny. But after consideration I decided to keep that shit for later.
What I do feel is so hard about this is that I can never know when I'm fully healed. I can't know before trying if I'm enough healed to have sex. I don't feel like trying out a one night stand to find out where I'm at, I'm really afraid that I will push myself to O without doing it properly. At the same time I don't want to date a girl and tell her about all of this just to find out I need more time. But I don't think I have much of a choice, perhaps i'm already healed, perhaps I need a whole year without PMO. I was never into really hardcore porn or used deathgrip masturbation that I read about so I really do hope that 90 days will be enough.
Tonight I was out to a club with a couple of friends. Me and a buddy hooked up with two girls who were friends. Just making out, talking and having a great time. I got her number and I told her that we are going shopping next week. So I have a date if I want to go. But my ED is always in the back of my head and I can't decide if I wanna try just yet, maybe I should just wait a month before dating. I don't have a lot of trouble getting girls these days so I certainly have the option.
I will update this post when I feel like I have something to write so stay tuned.
Lastly I want to wish everyone out there with ED or other porn related problems good luck on your journeys. So far I've gone from masturbation addict to not having any urges at all, almost. And I'm really proud of that, even if I might have a long road to complete recovery ahead of me.
Good luck to me and you!
FishY
