First journal about the no fap thing, it's the first time I'm actually sharing the whole thing with anybody, and it's even the first time I'm "honest" about my sexual history or so, and it feels pretty good 
. I'm a guy in my mid-twenties who has developed a porn-induced erectile dysfunction through what I think are the following steps:
- I did not have meaningful interactions with girls when I was in middle and high school due to shyness and other issues (went to a rich kids school where me and a few other students did not fit, so we became the "troublemakers", excluded and excluding ourselves from the rest).
- So I started fapping to porn early and regularly and my brain got hooked on it without, what I think are the necessary interactions with girls a lot of teenage guys have at the time and which maybe protect them from future ED problems.
- When I entered adulthood and started studying, I realized that I was somewhat attractive to women, got much more flirty, however the damage was done and I just couldn't get it up the first time I got naked with a woman (okay that first time I was a bit stupid too, as I masturbated a few times before during the day in order not to do premature ejaculation ). I also realized I had another, more physical, problem, a phimosis (which makes it even more awkward because I came from an environment where most guys are circumcised and girls expect me to be so).
- So although I am a somewhat good looking guy (no male model though), and have interesting things going on in my life, this really felt like a cold shower and a humiliation, which created a barrier with girls. I would have many female friends, flirt with a lot of them, but there was always this psychological barrier which prevented me from going all the way. And so I fapped lol.
- Last year I finally got rid of the phimosis problem (got circumcised). At first it felt like a liberation. In 6 months or so, I dated a few girls and even had a one night stand. However, each time, when we went to bed, I experienced ED. I'd always blame it on something else and would stop seeing the girl due to the feeling of humiliation. And fapped on the side.
Meanwhile, I had vaguely heard of people giving up masturbation and porn because it supposedly gave them more testosterone and more sexual energy, so at the beginning of march, after one more failed sex attempt, I decided to give it a go. My first "no fap". The problem is that I had only vaguely researched it, had no idea about this site or yourbrainonporn. But it was a bad first attempt. First I would still look at porn, I just wouldn't masturbate and orgasm while doing so. Secondly, I had no idea about the flatline, so after two weeks or so when the flatline started, I panicked ("is this making shit worst? I'm becoming asexual"). Got the opportunity to have sex around day 20 or so and had ED. So I "relapsed" after 26 days because I saw it as non effective. Started thinking about viagra as another alternative...
In may this year, I stumbled upon YBOP and discovered the existence of dopamine, that porn seemed to have seriously damaged my brain much more than I would have imagined. I also learned that experiencing a "flatline" was nothing to be worried about, and that the whole process could need much more time than what I had previously thought. So I officially started no fap again, more motivated than ever. But I relapsed at day 12..... (I read too much about people relapsing on these sites so I started seeing it as something normal). It was quite stupid actually because I could have evaded it, I really "relapsed" again for the sake of it.
I followed with a three days porn binge, but it actually turned me off porn for good.
So this is my third time going no fap. It's interesting because the effects are pretty different from the (very short) 12 days no fap I did previously: the urges to watch porn in the first days weren't nearly as strong, it felt like my brain didn't start from scratch again and somewhat started where it left off before the previous relapse. I entered the dreaded flatline pretty quickly, which is good on the long term of course, but pretty annoying right now. Crazy shrinking genitals and more importantly, loss of any sexuality, sexual attraction, and will to flirt. I do think about women, but my ultimate fantasy right now just seems to be some cuddling and kissing..... which feels a bit emasculating. This is awkward because a girl I've set my eyes on for some time now, who likes me too and who is maybe future girlfriend material and who lives in another city for her studies is actually in town for the week and wants to see me. It's not so much the sex I have a problem with, as I don't plan to have sex with her and she's pretty conservative anyways, but it's the possible dull and non-sexual behavior I will have around her which worries me.
But anyways, apart from that it's getting good. Stopping porn has given me much more free time to work on other things, it also feels better morally not to participate in an industry which thrives on women's misery and takes advantage of them and as things are going on for now, I don't see myself "relapsing" at all.
Anyways, I didn't even set myself a goal, 90 days or 120 days. I really plan on making this a permanent thing. Maybe moderately masturbating again in the far future (not more than once a week) if I can do so by touch only with no fantasies would be the end of my "no fap" but that's it, and even this I'm not sure if it's a good idea. Former alcoholics shouldn't even take a sip of beer, same with us.
Anyways, thanks for taking the time to read all of that.
. I'm a guy in my mid-twenties who has developed a porn-induced erectile dysfunction through what I think are the following steps: - I did not have meaningful interactions with girls when I was in middle and high school due to shyness and other issues (went to a rich kids school where me and a few other students did not fit, so we became the "troublemakers", excluded and excluding ourselves from the rest).
- So I started fapping to porn early and regularly and my brain got hooked on it without, what I think are the necessary interactions with girls a lot of teenage guys have at the time and which maybe protect them from future ED problems.
- When I entered adulthood and started studying, I realized that I was somewhat attractive to women, got much more flirty, however the damage was done and I just couldn't get it up the first time I got naked with a woman (okay that first time I was a bit stupid too, as I masturbated a few times before during the day in order not to do premature ejaculation
). I also realized I had another, more physical, problem, a phimosis (which makes it even more awkward because I came from an environment where most guys are circumcised and girls expect me to be so). - So although I am a somewhat good looking guy (no male model though), and have interesting things going on in my life, this really felt like a cold shower and a humiliation, which created a barrier with girls. I would have many female friends, flirt with a lot of them, but there was always this psychological barrier which prevented me from going all the way. And so I fapped lol.
- Last year I finally got rid of the phimosis problem (got circumcised). At first it felt like a liberation. In 6 months or so, I dated a few girls and even had a one night stand. However, each time, when we went to bed, I experienced ED. I'd always blame it on something else and would stop seeing the girl due to the feeling of humiliation. And fapped on the side.
Meanwhile, I had vaguely heard of people giving up masturbation and porn because it supposedly gave them more testosterone and more sexual energy, so at the beginning of march, after one more failed sex attempt, I decided to give it a go. My first "no fap". The problem is that I had only vaguely researched it, had no idea about this site or yourbrainonporn. But it was a bad first attempt. First I would still look at porn, I just wouldn't masturbate and orgasm while doing so. Secondly, I had no idea about the flatline, so after two weeks or so when the flatline started, I panicked ("is this making shit worst? I'm becoming asexual"). Got the opportunity to have sex around day 20 or so and had ED. So I "relapsed" after 26 days because I saw it as non effective. Started thinking about viagra as another alternative...
In may this year, I stumbled upon YBOP and discovered the existence of dopamine, that porn seemed to have seriously damaged my brain much more than I would have imagined. I also learned that experiencing a "flatline" was nothing to be worried about, and that the whole process could need much more time than what I had previously thought. So I officially started no fap again, more motivated than ever. But I relapsed at day 12..... (I read too much about people relapsing on these sites so I started seeing it as something normal). It was quite stupid actually because I could have evaded it, I really "relapsed" again for the sake of it.
I followed with a three days porn binge, but it actually turned me off porn for good.
So this is my third time going no fap. It's interesting because the effects are pretty different from the (very short) 12 days no fap I did previously: the urges to watch porn in the first days weren't nearly as strong, it felt like my brain didn't start from scratch again and somewhat started where it left off before the previous relapse. I entered the dreaded flatline pretty quickly, which is good on the long term of course, but pretty annoying right now. Crazy shrinking genitals and more importantly, loss of any sexuality, sexual attraction, and will to flirt. I do think about women, but my ultimate fantasy right now just seems to be some cuddling and kissing..... which feels a bit emasculating. This is awkward because a girl I've set my eyes on for some time now, who likes me too and who is maybe future girlfriend material and who lives in another city for her studies is actually in town for the week and wants to see me. It's not so much the sex I have a problem with, as I don't plan to have sex with her and she's pretty conservative anyways, but it's the possible dull and non-sexual behavior I will have around her which worries me.
But anyways, apart from that it's getting good. Stopping porn has given me much more free time to work on other things, it also feels better morally not to participate in an industry which thrives on women's misery and takes advantage of them and as things are going on for now, I don't see myself "relapsing" at all.
Anyways, I didn't even set myself a goal, 90 days or 120 days. I really plan on making this a permanent thing. Maybe moderately masturbating again in the far future (not more than once a week) if I can do so by touch only with no fantasies would be the end of my "no fap" but that's it, and even this I'm not sure if it's a good idea. Former alcoholics shouldn't even take a sip of beer, same with us
. Anyways, thanks for taking the time to read all of that.