LifeWarrior
Member
This is my first post ever, so here we go!
I am currently in my 2nd true effort to live above PMO. There have been times in my life where i wondered if P was negatively affecting me, but I never thought I could go without it. It was honestly unthinkable because A) I would be admitting struggle with something that every other guy appeared (on the surface) to have no problem with, and B) I had this idea that I would be giving up a type of pleasure that had no replacement (LOL).
For the few before the previous 2 months or so, I didn't have much drive to bring real sex into my life. I didn't feel attracted to 99% of women and I felt very frustrated about not finding someone new that I was truly attracted to and could connect with sexually. I thought it was the girls for quite a while, then I started to think that it was me. Why was I struggling so hard with no libido? When I did have sex, I didn't finish. I was also really concerned at times about my sexual orientation. That sucked, but was still bearable and I thought I just had really good endurance. I just went on without really thinking about it. If I was concerned, I would PMO and move on. Then, a few months ago, something big happened.
The first time I experienced legitimate ED in my life was the biggest kick in the balls to my self-concept that I have ever experienced. I was ready to go, then when it was time to dive in--shutdown. I felt really fucking bad. Then, a couple weeks later, I drove 2 hours to go hook up with a girl that I have been attracted to for years. Once again, dead. I have never felt like less of a man in my entire life.
This anxiety has impacted me, but I am determined to move through it. I began seeing a therapist about a month ago to work through some depression and anxiety issues in addition to getting back on board with my reboot and I am noticing flashes of true life here and there. Brighter colors, beautiful women magically being around again, easier laughter, desire for adventure, less instant judgement of others, free-floating confidence, increased desire to bond--those kinds of things. I haven't felt like a million bucks all day every day, but there IS at least one moment every day that I do and it seems like those moments are getting more frequent.
To be honest, I am still scared of not performing sexually and of being alone. I am impatient and frustrated at times with the process of re-learning how to be my genuine, confident self around potential partners. I'm scared that I am missing out on the greatest pleasure in life by "breaking up" with those fake girls on the internet. I also know that the greatest happiness and joy in my life is still to come, and I feel stronger every day.
I'm sick of all the fake shit controlling me, and I'm ready to fight for my true life.
Thanks for reading. Now, let's go kick some ass.
I am currently in my 2nd true effort to live above PMO. There have been times in my life where i wondered if P was negatively affecting me, but I never thought I could go without it. It was honestly unthinkable because A) I would be admitting struggle with something that every other guy appeared (on the surface) to have no problem with, and B) I had this idea that I would be giving up a type of pleasure that had no replacement (LOL).
For the few before the previous 2 months or so, I didn't have much drive to bring real sex into my life. I didn't feel attracted to 99% of women and I felt very frustrated about not finding someone new that I was truly attracted to and could connect with sexually. I thought it was the girls for quite a while, then I started to think that it was me. Why was I struggling so hard with no libido? When I did have sex, I didn't finish. I was also really concerned at times about my sexual orientation. That sucked, but was still bearable and I thought I just had really good endurance. I just went on without really thinking about it. If I was concerned, I would PMO and move on. Then, a few months ago, something big happened.
The first time I experienced legitimate ED in my life was the biggest kick in the balls to my self-concept that I have ever experienced. I was ready to go, then when it was time to dive in--shutdown. I felt really fucking bad. Then, a couple weeks later, I drove 2 hours to go hook up with a girl that I have been attracted to for years. Once again, dead. I have never felt like less of a man in my entire life.
This anxiety has impacted me, but I am determined to move through it. I began seeing a therapist about a month ago to work through some depression and anxiety issues in addition to getting back on board with my reboot and I am noticing flashes of true life here and there. Brighter colors, beautiful women magically being around again, easier laughter, desire for adventure, less instant judgement of others, free-floating confidence, increased desire to bond--those kinds of things. I haven't felt like a million bucks all day every day, but there IS at least one moment every day that I do and it seems like those moments are getting more frequent.
To be honest, I am still scared of not performing sexually and of being alone. I am impatient and frustrated at times with the process of re-learning how to be my genuine, confident self around potential partners. I'm scared that I am missing out on the greatest pleasure in life by "breaking up" with those fake girls on the internet. I also know that the greatest happiness and joy in my life is still to come, and I feel stronger every day.
I'm sick of all the fake shit controlling me, and I'm ready to fight for my true life.
Thanks for reading. Now, let's go kick some ass.
