RaidenJack
New Member
I've been struggling with trying to quit for about a year and half now; I figured it was time to join one of the forums and share my story.
My porn addiction started when I was 11 years old and would steal 6 hour VHS tapes out of my dad's dresser. Let me tell you folks, my dad was into some pretty hardcore shit. There was no building up for me, I began watching porn from Anabolic and thought it was completely normal to see chicks getting railed in the pooper. This continued all throughout middle school and early high school. When I got my first job and debit card I started to rent DVDs online and tape them on VHS. By 16; I had my own nice little collection.
My first sexual experience was at age 16 with a cute girl my age that lived a couple houses down. We were high and watching porn together in my garage. We went into my room and I went down on her for about fifteen minutes, after which she almost demanded that we go all the way. Low and behold at age 16 I can't get it up in front of a smoking hot little blonde. Needless to say I never got another chance with her. Fast forward a couple years my first time actually having penetration I could barely keep it up the whole time. It was like a half boner the whole time. The next three girls were the same way. I could get rock hard for porn, but not them. Fast forward another two years I finally had my first real relationship at age 21. Guess what? Couldn't keep it hard for her either. I even went as far as got prescribed Viagra which helped somewhat, but not really. I was able to get hard and screw her about half of time, but it would start to go limp about five minutes in out of boredom. After all, I was into kinky porn where girls deep throat guys after being anally demolished, of course a girl putting no effort into cowgirl and sucking me off as if it was a chore wasn't going to get me off. Needless to say, that relationship didn't last, but mainly for other reasons.
Now, lets talk about my first deployment in the Navy. Whores, whores, whores, and more whores...well, I think I had five total actually. One I couldn't keep it up with, one I smashed, one I was half and half with, smashed the next two, and the last one was half and half. The ones I did good with were complete crazy freaks that loved white boys; they did all the porno shit that 99% of women will not do. Another factor that may have helped was that I really couldn't watch much porn on deployment. Yes I did order a bunch of DVDs from eBay adult section and had my own little jerk off spot on the ship, but for the most part I didn't get many chances to watch porn. When I did jack off it was by stimulation and imagination alone.
When I got back to Hawaii the floodgates opened on really really getting into the internet porn. This was 2010 when the Russian teen anal scenes were at their height. Before I knew it I had a hard drive completely filled. During this year I had sex with two women, one crazy freaky Filipino girl on vacation and you guessed it...another whore. She was a young blonde white girl that mostly had mostly middle-aged Japanese customers so she was thrilled to see a young white guy walk into the parlor. At first I couldn't get it up with her, but she made me feel comfortable and before I knew it I had the best sex of my life. I went back there two more times. The catch, I could keep it up pretty hard most of the time with her (she was freaking great), but I could not cum. Before I knew it, it was time for deployment again and this time I had a full hard drive.
This deployment I was good compared to the last one; I got two happy endings at massage parlors, but no sex. One of them was a failure as the girl could not get me to cum, and the first girl had to work a very long time at it to where I asked her to stop but she was very insistent on finishing for some weird reason. I watched tons of porn on this deployment and had my own secret spot on this ship...it was bad. When I got back from deployment I started downloading more and more and more. I went back to the parlor to see if the white girl was still working there, she was not. I tried having sex with another girl there but it was a complete limp failure...never got it hard. This was my last time with a prostitute.
The next girl I was with a single mom that I was really into. We had sex three times, two of which were pretty good. It helped I was raw dogging it (for the first time ever) and she was really freaking hot...seriously if she didn't have the baby I would have not have had a chance! I could not cum with her though. That relationship ended over some really complicated shit. After this I bought a shit ton of DVDs again and starting downloading like crazy.
The next girl was a serious relationship that lasted five months with us living close by, and a year long distance. The sex with her was always pretty good; however, with the exception of a few times I would go to the half/half state within five minutes and stay there the whole time. I was using condoms every time with her and would have to "fake it" because I couldn't cum. I can easily judge how many times we had sex by boxes of condoms; roughly around one hundred times. After I had left Hawaii to come to San Diego my porn addiction took on a new height.
At one point my hard drive had videos from Anabolic/Diabolic, Platinum X/Redlight, Evil Angel, Bang Bros, Elegant Angel, Hardcore Gangbang, Blacksonblondes, WCPClub, JulesJordan, TeenCoreClub, FirstAnalQuest, TeenMegaWorld, DevilsFilm, and 21Sextury. I would say I had almost 2TB worth of videos. I live in a beach neighborhood full of hot girls but could not talk to them at all because of anxiety. I decided it was time to quit so I did not delete my harddrive, I threw it away along with all of my DVDs. However, since then I have been going through a viscous cycle of rebuilding and deleting the collection. I had one girl for a couple weeks during the last two years who was the biggest freak I have ever encountered: you name it, she did it. I was honest with her and told her I was trying to recover from a porn addiction. She was pretty cool with it and very patient if I couldn't perform. I was too embarrassed about the whole thing though and didn't want her to stick around for other reasons (girls that freaky come with VERY HEAVY baggage).
This is where I am now. I am on day one after a relapse on day nine. I have no porn on computer at all and canceled all of my memberships. I am planning on using a gym membership, my guitars, my online college, and my retro game collection to keep my mind, body, and hands busy. Anytime I feel the urge I am going to slam my computer shut, grab my dog (who is a chick magnet by the way), and take him out for a walk and talk to some real girls on the street. I luckily live in a beach neighborhood so there is no shortage. I'm not going to bother trying to date any of them; I merely want practice at talking to random girls I have never met before and wasn't introduced to me through some kind of social situation. I do good sometimes, but all of them end up having boyfriends...like the super cute girl at the record store down the street (funny thing is her boyfriend is me but with brown hair...I was hoping he would be easy to hate but I can't haha). Anyways guys, if anybody actually read all of this I thank you for reading my story. It was completely uncensored and a lot more raw than most, but I really needed to get all of that off my chest. I feel good that I told somebody my dark secrets and that there is a group here that can support me to become normal again.
I will write progress reports every two weeks.
My porn addiction started when I was 11 years old and would steal 6 hour VHS tapes out of my dad's dresser. Let me tell you folks, my dad was into some pretty hardcore shit. There was no building up for me, I began watching porn from Anabolic and thought it was completely normal to see chicks getting railed in the pooper. This continued all throughout middle school and early high school. When I got my first job and debit card I started to rent DVDs online and tape them on VHS. By 16; I had my own nice little collection.
My first sexual experience was at age 16 with a cute girl my age that lived a couple houses down. We were high and watching porn together in my garage. We went into my room and I went down on her for about fifteen minutes, after which she almost demanded that we go all the way. Low and behold at age 16 I can't get it up in front of a smoking hot little blonde. Needless to say I never got another chance with her. Fast forward a couple years my first time actually having penetration I could barely keep it up the whole time. It was like a half boner the whole time. The next three girls were the same way. I could get rock hard for porn, but not them. Fast forward another two years I finally had my first real relationship at age 21. Guess what? Couldn't keep it hard for her either. I even went as far as got prescribed Viagra which helped somewhat, but not really. I was able to get hard and screw her about half of time, but it would start to go limp about five minutes in out of boredom. After all, I was into kinky porn where girls deep throat guys after being anally demolished, of course a girl putting no effort into cowgirl and sucking me off as if it was a chore wasn't going to get me off. Needless to say, that relationship didn't last, but mainly for other reasons.
Now, lets talk about my first deployment in the Navy. Whores, whores, whores, and more whores...well, I think I had five total actually. One I couldn't keep it up with, one I smashed, one I was half and half with, smashed the next two, and the last one was half and half. The ones I did good with were complete crazy freaks that loved white boys; they did all the porno shit that 99% of women will not do. Another factor that may have helped was that I really couldn't watch much porn on deployment. Yes I did order a bunch of DVDs from eBay adult section and had my own little jerk off spot on the ship, but for the most part I didn't get many chances to watch porn. When I did jack off it was by stimulation and imagination alone.
When I got back to Hawaii the floodgates opened on really really getting into the internet porn. This was 2010 when the Russian teen anal scenes were at their height. Before I knew it I had a hard drive completely filled. During this year I had sex with two women, one crazy freaky Filipino girl on vacation and you guessed it...another whore. She was a young blonde white girl that mostly had mostly middle-aged Japanese customers so she was thrilled to see a young white guy walk into the parlor. At first I couldn't get it up with her, but she made me feel comfortable and before I knew it I had the best sex of my life. I went back there two more times. The catch, I could keep it up pretty hard most of the time with her (she was freaking great), but I could not cum. Before I knew it, it was time for deployment again and this time I had a full hard drive.
This deployment I was good compared to the last one; I got two happy endings at massage parlors, but no sex. One of them was a failure as the girl could not get me to cum, and the first girl had to work a very long time at it to where I asked her to stop but she was very insistent on finishing for some weird reason. I watched tons of porn on this deployment and had my own secret spot on this ship...it was bad. When I got back from deployment I started downloading more and more and more. I went back to the parlor to see if the white girl was still working there, she was not. I tried having sex with another girl there but it was a complete limp failure...never got it hard. This was my last time with a prostitute.
The next girl I was with a single mom that I was really into. We had sex three times, two of which were pretty good. It helped I was raw dogging it (for the first time ever) and she was really freaking hot...seriously if she didn't have the baby I would have not have had a chance! I could not cum with her though. That relationship ended over some really complicated shit. After this I bought a shit ton of DVDs again and starting downloading like crazy.
The next girl was a serious relationship that lasted five months with us living close by, and a year long distance. The sex with her was always pretty good; however, with the exception of a few times I would go to the half/half state within five minutes and stay there the whole time. I was using condoms every time with her and would have to "fake it" because I couldn't cum. I can easily judge how many times we had sex by boxes of condoms; roughly around one hundred times. After I had left Hawaii to come to San Diego my porn addiction took on a new height.
At one point my hard drive had videos from Anabolic/Diabolic, Platinum X/Redlight, Evil Angel, Bang Bros, Elegant Angel, Hardcore Gangbang, Blacksonblondes, WCPClub, JulesJordan, TeenCoreClub, FirstAnalQuest, TeenMegaWorld, DevilsFilm, and 21Sextury. I would say I had almost 2TB worth of videos. I live in a beach neighborhood full of hot girls but could not talk to them at all because of anxiety. I decided it was time to quit so I did not delete my harddrive, I threw it away along with all of my DVDs. However, since then I have been going through a viscous cycle of rebuilding and deleting the collection. I had one girl for a couple weeks during the last two years who was the biggest freak I have ever encountered: you name it, she did it. I was honest with her and told her I was trying to recover from a porn addiction. She was pretty cool with it and very patient if I couldn't perform. I was too embarrassed about the whole thing though and didn't want her to stick around for other reasons (girls that freaky come with VERY HEAVY baggage).
This is where I am now. I am on day one after a relapse on day nine. I have no porn on computer at all and canceled all of my memberships. I am planning on using a gym membership, my guitars, my online college, and my retro game collection to keep my mind, body, and hands busy. Anytime I feel the urge I am going to slam my computer shut, grab my dog (who is a chick magnet by the way), and take him out for a walk and talk to some real girls on the street. I luckily live in a beach neighborhood so there is no shortage. I'm not going to bother trying to date any of them; I merely want practice at talking to random girls I have never met before and wasn't introduced to me through some kind of social situation. I do good sometimes, but all of them end up having boyfriends...like the super cute girl at the record store down the street (funny thing is her boyfriend is me but with brown hair...I was hoping he would be easy to hate but I can't haha). Anyways guys, if anybody actually read all of this I thank you for reading my story. It was completely uncensored and a lot more raw than most, but I really needed to get all of that off my chest. I feel good that I told somebody my dark secrets and that there is a group here that can support me to become normal again.
I will write progress reports every two weeks.