New to the group....want to change my life!

[diligent]

49 Years Old and completely and unequivocally addicted to PMO since in my early 20s. AOL started it for me when the internet was in its beginning stages for the general public. I have lost a marriage, a job and thousands of dollars to my addiction. Not to mention the joys and pleasures of life the way it was intended to be that the addiction has stolen from me......all due to PMO.

My health has suffered greatly! I edged for 12 straight hours back in February causing blot clots that nearly killed me. (Bi Lateral Pulmonary Emboli) Lost countless hours of sleep which he body needs for good health. I have neck issues from compressing my spinal cord to "get the right angle and position of my body" to press and maximize blood flow into my penis.

I have had PIED for at least 5 years. My current wife and I have not made love in 4 years. I am ripping her off from having what she deserves.....I cover it up as health related.....but I know better. It is PIED.

I must change. I must stop. So here I am.....I am an addict. I have the classic signs of being addicted. I right this moment am in a hotel room instead of at work where I should be. I could lose this job if I do not get on the road to recovery.  I was having major palpitations and anxiety from going 2 weeks without a PMO session. I relented. I need control over this.....

I wonder is the palpitations and general not feeling well all apart of my addiction. Dr visit showed all is well. Must be due to what damage I have done. I want to reverse it.....I want to feel complete and whole again. I want to make love to my wife. I want to leave this behind......

Thanks for reading...

 

[heroack]

Hey man i know exactly what ur going through because ive felt the way you do mentally. I also want to change. Just know that u can stop you just hve to believe in urself. Keep trying and u know that you can gain alot more by stopping. Ill recomend watching scientific videos of ur brain on porn and how can u reboot amd what will happen when u do. Thats what am currently doing now and it helps me to see that theres people like me struggling with the same thing and we can talk about it freely here. Keep going and have faith on ur recovery.

 

[lilnavadaa]

No ones recovery is exactly the same but most are a lot similar. For me learning about porn addiction was cool and made me feel like I wasn't alone and that my mental health issues were because of porn. BUT I think don't think about porn at all.. meaning do not even see the word porn do not think about it don't act like its a big deal (even though it is) because when you focus on trying to get rid of it you don't realize porn is on is now on ur mind and nowurges come and as time goes by in my experience they got more powerful. TTruly try and focus on something else and porn won't be on Ur mind as much causing urges. Don't go on Facebook don't lust after women in real life. Lust after them means to stare at their sex parts because that will cause urges. In the world we live in the way women dress cause urges for me. Do not do drugs for me it was like being possessed by a demon and would hurry to pmo I could not fight the urge nor did porn seem bad even though it is my worst enemy.

Good luck my brother I'm 18 and have struggles for years to shake this. Take my advice I wish I had focused more on something else rather than focusing on not doing pmo.

This is war. Stay strong and never give up!

 

[NewVerse]

hang in there man. this thing will suck the joy out of you. replaces real life for a feeling you wind up not even liking

a few months back twice in a row, i binged and edged really hard. when i woke up the next morning, my eyelid was half shut on one side. the second time, my eyelid was half shut and swollen. both times this lasted a couple days. it freaked me out. this happened twice to me in month, and i'm still not sure if the reason was just unknowingly rubbing my eye to much causing bacteria in my pores, or if it was an actual bloodflow issue because i was going so hard. either way, it scares the shit out of me just thinking about it.

either way it can't be healthy to edge so much.