HalfStepInHell
Member
Hi All
I am 35 and for most of my life I used porn, regular, hentai, comix, different genres. It came to the point I needed more stimulation and I started to browse more extreme sites containing bestiality. However I was picky, I mean I didn't like/watch things that were clear abuse, thank god for some common sense that I had left. I am in the relationship, we are together for 7-8 years, we married last year, and this whole time we had problems with our sex life. I thought it was because we were overworked, couldn't find a good time slots for some quality time, we had some great sex from time to time, but we had our own issues, she is seeing a therapist for her and I have seen one few times for mine. As I recently started to read about porn addiction I started to see patterns. As I wrote in the title, I looked back on my life, alone and while together I saw clearly how wrong I was this whole time, lying to myself "I don't hurt anyone". In fact I didn't hurt anyone when I was a single man, anyone but me. But as I am married now, this has hurt my wife also. To be honest, I did think "when I will have a girlfriend, I am not going to need to masturbate" but as it happened I did not stop and now I know why, I am/was addicted. Everything that I did, everything that happened to me, few depression episodes, randomness of satisfaction from sex, erection fading mid-sex, not to be able to climax, unless I did think about scenes I was very turned on by online, apathy, bad mood, guilt and other unwanted things.
I did try from time to time go without porn/masturbation for several days to build up my libido, but that probably added fuel to the fire, as I needed consistency and it has made things worse in the long run.
So I started porn embargo, cleared all history on my phone, my pc, I am trying to avoid any sources that are remotely erotic and this is 3rd day, and as I have larger plan, to get clean and reset myself, it's only 3rd day out of many. First step in a long journey. I am happy to start it and I know it will not be easy.
Cheers.
PS: I am not native speaker, sorry for my "hard to read" English
I am 35 and for most of my life I used porn, regular, hentai, comix, different genres. It came to the point I needed more stimulation and I started to browse more extreme sites containing bestiality. However I was picky, I mean I didn't like/watch things that were clear abuse, thank god for some common sense that I had left. I am in the relationship, we are together for 7-8 years, we married last year, and this whole time we had problems with our sex life. I thought it was because we were overworked, couldn't find a good time slots for some quality time, we had some great sex from time to time, but we had our own issues, she is seeing a therapist for her and I have seen one few times for mine. As I recently started to read about porn addiction I started to see patterns. As I wrote in the title, I looked back on my life, alone and while together I saw clearly how wrong I was this whole time, lying to myself "I don't hurt anyone". In fact I didn't hurt anyone when I was a single man, anyone but me. But as I am married now, this has hurt my wife also. To be honest, I did think "when I will have a girlfriend, I am not going to need to masturbate" but as it happened I did not stop and now I know why, I am/was addicted. Everything that I did, everything that happened to me, few depression episodes, randomness of satisfaction from sex, erection fading mid-sex, not to be able to climax, unless I did think about scenes I was very turned on by online, apathy, bad mood, guilt and other unwanted things.
I did try from time to time go without porn/masturbation for several days to build up my libido, but that probably added fuel to the fire, as I needed consistency and it has made things worse in the long run.
So I started porn embargo, cleared all history on my phone, my pc, I am trying to avoid any sources that are remotely erotic and this is 3rd day, and as I have larger plan, to get clean and reset myself, it's only 3rd day out of many. First step in a long journey. I am happy to start it and I know it will not be easy.
Cheers.
PS: I am not native speaker, sorry for my "hard to read" English