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This is exactly what happened with my 90 day reboot last year. I was simply waiting for 90 days to get over. There was a vacuum which I fell in right after that period. This time I did work on some of what you have described here. And this time was perceptively different. Thanks for the insights...

Thanks for this @TakeActionNow. Like 'some' people can consume P without getting addicted, I guess some people can MO without getting 'addicted'. What I understood since yesterday, thinking about this experience, is that I need to ask - am I ok sharing it with my partner, is what I am doing...

So I ventured into self pleasure without any porn or fantasy. And I was able to do it without any trouble. no PIED. It was very difficult to feel what I was feeling, but it was not shame. It felt familiar the second day and it scared me. I am going to take a week or so to really feel what I...

After resting for about 3 weeks after I resigned, I am now back to learning. I feel the motivation coming back to venture new unknown paths. I am not in full control, but I am so looking forward to it. There are a lot of discoveries of plain sight waiting for me, it seems to me. let's see...

When you watch porn with that kind of intensity, most likely you have not had to turn yourself on, as paradoxical as that may sound. It’s as if somebody has cooked for you your entire life. You don’t really know what to do when you’re sitting in front of the ingredients. EP Counter 90

I am starting therapy next week. Finding one who is covered by by insurance was some work! I am a little uncomfortable, but let us see what comes of it. I have also decided to practice split exercise everyday for the next three months and see how far I can go with it. Counter 89

I was feeling so good yesterday except in the night. I had a stressful conversation and decided to go to sleep. Then my phone pinged and I went to pick it up. It was some spam message. But then since I had the phone in the hand, I thought I will go check Linkedin out. And then I started to look...

I feel very positive today. I don't feel I am perfect like I wanted to during my addiction, but I feel really good today. I have this feeling of 'good enough' today, that with all the imperfections I have, I am still good to be living this bright day. I think, it is the good food I had today...

If you have somebody to talk to when you are triggered, just talk to them instead of acting out. It works wonders. Counters 85

I finished my tasks I had to finish today, and I can see the stress dropped after it. The trigger was the usual culprit - stress. My old ways to disassociate and the desire to cope with stress was what showed up today. The habit element is strong, and the pathway will be overwritten by...

I am so triggered today. I don't know why. Sometimes you just have a bad day and you simply have to stay put and let it pass, I guess.

This woman's story is so close to what I have to say about my past. Counter 82

The last week was wonderful for me. I was present every day, I was aware everyday. I can now see, somewhat, what 'completely consumed by sex' state of mind had been doing to me. There is so much more in life. I do see light. There is still a lot of work to do. I am convinced a therapist can help...

Here is everything you need to know. Painful but true. Disclaimer: some terms and images might be triggering to some here, so beware. Counter 78

Carnes analysis of childhood origin to addiction is also so relevant: From a child’s point of view, ”you can abuse me, humiliate me, exploit me, and not even believe me, but by far the worst is if you don’t even want me.” Fear of abandonment is a constant theme in all addiction. The first core...

I started reading 'out of the shadows' by Patrick Carnes today. This stood out to me in the first chapter. Each person has a belief system that is sum of the assumptions, judgements, and myths that he or she holds to be true. It contains potent family messages about a person’s value or worth...

The first step out of this darkness is openness, being open in face of all those uncomfortable feelings. It is a practice. and it is so hard sometimes. Counter 74

One day at a time. One thought at a time. One situation at a time. Counter 72

Today was a day of so much self doubt, slight triggers and dull moments. The 'dead phase' as they call it might be striking now after a couple of months! I keep thinking about if what I want is what I truly like or just an influence of what I have been watching for so long? It seems to me I have...

I noticed today that I no longer have an urge to come update my counter every day, and look for who responded or not. I am thankful for every input though. Last time my count keeping was so consuming that I will abstaining just for the count. I feel that keep current witch who I love, takes so...