My suspicion is that he hasn't quit and from what he says he doesn't really see any need to be "giving up what he really likes" as he puts it. You want him to quit. He doesn't seem willing or able to. You can't police him. You can't control his behavior. That's the bottom line. Tough love, and all that. He has to want to quit. If not, there's nothing you can do.
The question is, do you want to be with him if he won't quit? Because that's your only option. Him + porn. Or not at all.
Personally I would not want to be in a relationship with someone where I was always having to monitor their behavior, their internet usage, or whatever, because they are hooked on porn and refuse to quit. That's your situation. You can't change him. He has to want to change otherwise he won't. You can only change your own behavior, nobody else's.
OK. My relationship was probably different to yours in that we had a history before Internet porn fucked up our sexual relationship, and even thoughout a very long period of porn addiction there were parts of our relationship that were still strong. His porn habit went on for 15 years, maybe 20+ years before he quit. But he wouldn't quit. In the early years, when I found out, he said he wouldn't watch it anymore. But it kept on happening. He learned to hide it better so I wouldn't find it. But he never quit. Eventually I realised I had to catch him in the act to prove he was still watching it. So I did exactly that. But that didn't change anything. I didn't know what else to do. So I gave up trying. But the sad truth is that at that time he had no intention of quitting.
I won't repeat my story but it took many years for him to even suspect it was causing him problems. Eventually porn wasn't doing for him what it did in the early days. I'm not sure whether he went further than "just porn". I suspect he might have but I won't go there. His porn use had long since killed off our sex life so I have no fucking idea what was going on with him. I always feared the day when porn would no longer be enough because he wasn't showing any interest in me. But anyhoo...it had to go right to the eve of destruction before it stopped once and for all.
Quite honestly, living like that was destroying me. I thought I could accept it, deal with it. I thought he was "happy" with porn because it was what he wanted. In the early years I think it was true that he'd rather have porn than a sexual relationship with me. He never made any effort for me at all but he couldn't stay away from the porn. He said he would quit but he never did. I gave up. Confrontations over porn were stress all the way. Nothing ever changed so why put myself through it all over again? But I wish I'd been stronger and decided not to tolerate it. Pull the plug on the internet connection, whatever it took, counselling, telling him to choose between me or the porn, not putting up with it. But what did I do? Nothing. Could I have stopped him? Probably not. But I should have prevented the situation from hurting me. Living with that hurt and the powerlessness and helplessness has really fucked me up. I was a basket case by the time it all came crashing down. That's when he realised what his porn had done to me and to our relationship. I wish it had never came to that. Years of misery pretending to myself I was fine with it. Well, not exactly 'fine' but accepting as long as I didn't have to think about it. In reality I suffered in silence for years.
So don't do it. Don't suffer needlessly. Think about yourself and what YOU want. Porn addiction will fuck up your life. Make an informed decision. He won't be quitting any time soon and even if he can stay off for a while it might be on/off/on/off indefinitely and it will drive you mad. Don't compromise your sanity. Don't compromise your dignity, your self esteem, or your mental health.
