67 days into 90 and I relasped and binged hard. 5 times in one day. I feel like I was doing great and coming off a natural high from having disciplined myself the night prior. Only to knowingly type that site in the next day thinking I was ok and could handle it. I couldn't. I feel disappointed and not progressive right now. It feels terrible, when will I grow up and stop being the reason to my unhappiness as I'm the only one responsible for my life decisions and how I choose to live. I am 26 and am lonely and been doing this with no significant other no girlfriend. I feel trapped in my own web of addiction, help me please.
I've failed once again
- Thread starter Eago
- Start date
Hey Eago, your username makes me think of Iago in Aladdin, a great movie! Its too bad you relapsed man but these things happen, its like any other addiction, it can grab you and beat the shit out of you mentally! My first attempt at rebooting went so badly, its insane; managed 1 month clean and then just completely reverted back to my old ways! I spent several months, 4-5 at least just binging on P and being in denial about my problem. And then when I started again now this summer I managed 11 days or so before relapsing AGAIN. But I've learned a lot from it!
You however have not wasted that amount of time in denial however! Your relapse is a small mistake! Does it suck to go back to day 0? Hell yeah. But dude, you managed 67 days of no PMO! That's HUGE! If you can do 67, this time you can do 90 or even 120 and then on to a life that can stay free from P forever.
I'm lonely too and I have no GF either, but at this point in time I don't feel like I'm ready for one either. Feeling trapped in your own web of addiction is something I think most of us here has felt. But posting your first entry here is a big step forward. When someone writes in my journal and I know they've taken their time to read about my thoughts, feelings and experiences... its a big relief! You get a sense that you're not alone in this, you will get that feeling too!
Now, as first steps of taking a better approach of no PMO, I'd suggest installing either k9 web protection or the Firefox/Chrome addons "Web Filter" (Same addon for both browsers). Review what triggered your relapse, did you just suddenly have a moment of weakness and think "I can look at just a little porn, its no big deal." or what happened?
How much have you read about your addiction? Did you perhaps watch Gabe's video's here on the starting page? Read any articles on yourbrainonporn.com? I'm going to give you a link to a very long post from a guy who I really feel like he hit the nail on the head when it comes to this addiction, it helped me change my mindset for the better!
http://yourbrainonporn.com/my-thoughts-rebooting-extremely-long-post
And finally, in my signature I have a small quote below my counter from a user here on the forum that I think you should take to heart!
You however have not wasted that amount of time in denial however! Your relapse is a small mistake! Does it suck to go back to day 0? Hell yeah. But dude, you managed 67 days of no PMO! That's HUGE! If you can do 67, this time you can do 90 or even 120 and then on to a life that can stay free from P forever.
I'm lonely too and I have no GF either, but at this point in time I don't feel like I'm ready for one either. Feeling trapped in your own web of addiction is something I think most of us here has felt. But posting your first entry here is a big step forward. When someone writes in my journal and I know they've taken their time to read about my thoughts, feelings and experiences... its a big relief! You get a sense that you're not alone in this, you will get that feeling too!
Now, as first steps of taking a better approach of no PMO, I'd suggest installing either k9 web protection or the Firefox/Chrome addons "Web Filter" (Same addon for both browsers). Review what triggered your relapse, did you just suddenly have a moment of weakness and think "I can look at just a little porn, its no big deal." or what happened?
How much have you read about your addiction? Did you perhaps watch Gabe's video's here on the starting page? Read any articles on yourbrainonporn.com? I'm going to give you a link to a very long post from a guy who I really feel like he hit the nail on the head when it comes to this addiction, it helped me change my mindset for the better!
http://yourbrainonporn.com/my-thoughts-rebooting-extremely-long-post
And finally, in my signature I have a small quote below my counter from a user here on the forum that I think you should take to heart!
Dont focus on the negative man.
You didnt fail
You stumbled.
Look what happened here. You made it 67 days!
Thats fucking amazing. Good job man.
So what you binged. You PMO'd.
Dust yourself off and start again.
I'm 27 and "lonely" too as i have no GF too.
This will always be my primary advice to anyone here on this forum.
Always be learning something new every day.
When you learn something, you give focus to it. Your brain focuses on that more and the porn pathways get weaker and weaker and weaker.
Especially when you get tempteed like I just did 10 minutes ago. I got tempted went to an old porn site and familiar model I fapped to and even started to fap then I stopped, BANG I remembered! I dont fucking want to to deal with this shit anymore.
It was hard. Porn is VERY ADDICTIVE. Porn sites have some very alluring ads, etc.My willpower must be getting stronger again because I've been stopping my self from PMO'ing every time i start to do it.
Gabe said in one of this videos that you want to change you mindset.
If you really want to give up porn ,you will go through whatever hell on earth to get rid of it.
Well, thats what i intend to do.
And what i'm going to do is this:
Live my life and become a better chef at my job. Learn more and more from my colleagues so I can become a better chef, and baker.
Play my cello which I've neglected for a long time.
Start going out with women and CONNECT WITH THEM.
Sex is like the topping on a cake. Being with woman, interacting with her, kissing, hugging that's the best part.
You didnt fail
You stumbled.
Look what happened here. You made it 67 days!
Thats fucking amazing. Good job man.
So what you binged. You PMO'd.
Dust yourself off and start again.
I'm 27 and "lonely" too as i have no GF too.
This will always be my primary advice to anyone here on this forum.
Always be learning something new every day.
When you learn something, you give focus to it. Your brain focuses on that more and the porn pathways get weaker and weaker and weaker.
Especially when you get tempteed like I just did 10 minutes ago. I got tempted went to an old porn site and familiar model I fapped to and even started to fap then I stopped, BANG I remembered! I dont fucking want to to deal with this shit anymore.
It was hard. Porn is VERY ADDICTIVE. Porn sites have some very alluring ads, etc.My willpower must be getting stronger again because I've been stopping my self from PMO'ing every time i start to do it.
Gabe said in one of this videos that you want to change you mindset.
If you really want to give up porn ,you will go through whatever hell on earth to get rid of it.
Well, thats what i intend to do.
And what i'm going to do is this:
Live my life and become a better chef at my job. Learn more and more from my colleagues so I can become a better chef, and baker.
Play my cello which I've neglected for a long time.
Start going out with women and CONNECT WITH THEM.
Sex is like the topping on a cake. Being with woman, interacting with her, kissing, hugging that's the best part.
Vincent
Active Member
Eago, I know the feeling you had or have really well. OK, you failed, now you get back on track and start anew. I personally think, that it is not the challenge that makes us strong here. its the mindset. You want to ban porn from your life? do it. You fail? start again! You managed to abstain for 67 days! that is great, really great. Make your next challange those exact 67 days to prove to yourself that they only were the beginning of your journey. but most importantly: do not reward yourself with porn after you get it done. just start again with another challenge. Until you do not need one anymore.
You wrote that you felt miserable afterwards. This is understandable - I felt so for years - but not the right way to go on. Get it together and go on. Because you controll your life and not the porn. And remember: you are not alone! We all togehter can manage this and you can do it as well!
Vince
You wrote that you felt miserable afterwards. This is understandable - I felt so for years - but not the right way to go on. Get it together and go on. Because you controll your life and not the porn. And remember: you are not alone! We all togehter can manage this and you can do it as well!
Vince