In this war of mine I wont survive it, I'll win it.

[Lucien94]

Hello all! This is my first time on this wonderful site. I have been struggling with this addiction of mine for so long. I have tried to quit, to abstain from this conscious mutilation of my soul, for years. I turned 22 in April I am a college student with a multi page research paper due TODAY and I was up all night PMO-ing to the internet. Chasing some Dragon only to fall back down to earth a wrecked individual. This, I am sad to say is a frequent activity, I abhor this absolute waste of my life. And to pour salt into the wound my Dog, my best friend in this world died the Friday before last. He was my companion through the Hell-scape of my formative years. Going with out him in the morning, noon, and night has been the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I am not meaning to digress to far from the point, but you know how that age old saying goes, "you never knew what you had until it/they are gone."? Well I remember nights turning into days into weeks and so on where I was behind the computer giving in to my debased whims rather than spending time with a true friend an entity of pure compassion and patience. I feel like, no I know he deserved better, and so do I. Today I am putting my foot down, hammer to anvil! I will overcome this, I will be better, For me, For those around me, for the memory of my Best friend.

-I do apologize for droning on. I have had so much angst building up these last few weeks, and even before that. Writing this made me feel like some weight has shifted around on my shoulders.
I have read some of your stories, and I will continue to do so for inspiration. If anyone out there is looking for a co-pilot through blitzed out aerial dog fight we now find our selves in message me, I'll be your Goose.

 

[willtochange]

Hey man thanks for sharing with us, i'm sorry to hear about your companion. I'm proud that you are seeking help. I to would go hours at a time often starting at 10pm and not stopping to about 6am. It's a very vicious cycle surfing the next hit of dopamine. You are in good hand here bro. Keep your head up and i'm only a message away if you need to chat.

 

[APositiveGuy]

Hey Lucien!

I understand your place. Loosing someone who is really close to you is one of the worst thing in life!
But you have to be strong, for him, and for yourself! Only time can heal your wounds, but you will overcome this.
One day, you will meet again, but since then, make him proud, and keep his memory alive!

 

[Lucien94]

Thank you for you replies! I'm only on day two and I have been doing everything in my power to avoid triggers. I even deleted games that didn't help and were distracting. Heck I even changed my background wall paper. I am keeping my chin up. I feel a lot more hopeful knowing that I have you kind folks to turn to for support, and wisdom!!