Well shit, after two years I guess I just relapsed....Kinda

campjac3

campjac3

Member
I suppose this is a testament to how important it can be to keep yourself out of a bad situation. Yesterday I was helping an older man move into a new home and he was giving away a large collection of old playboys. Being the opportunist that I am, I took them for free with the intent to sell them on ebay without even thinking of the old porn addiction... That's how confident I have been in my recovery, I thought that I would have no problem sorting through all that trash without wanting to M to them. So I brought them home and started researching the value of these old magazines. Here's where I got really stupid. I went and got high, THEN started perusing the magazines looking for rare/valuable editions... So needless to say I ended up doing the M to an old magazine last night. Not even thinking about what I was really doing. I mean I knew it was in the grey zone, but it was nothing compared to the old days of surfing internet porn... Right? This morning when I came back to I realized what had just happened. I slept through my alarm for 40 minutes until I woke, went to work late and couldn't think for half the day. I totally had a MASSIVE dump of dopamine last night. It was not resulting from internet porn like it used to. This time it was simply from a different source. The effect though, was largely the same. So now I am writing this after over two years of success. ITS BEEN OVER TWO YEARS AND I JUST FUCKED IT UP.  :( I am resetting my counter. I'll keep my old counter as it is still true for the last time I looked at internet P. I still am hopeful for my recovery and am certain that I will NEVER look at internet P again. I made a that promise to myself when I quit and I am going to keep it. But this has been a huge bummer for me.

Im looking at the collection of four large boxes as I write this, and now I am off to the city dump.

Thoughts and encouragements are always appreciated.

 
K

klarson27

Active Member
I'm no expert, but playboy is nothing compared to the internet stuff out there..

Playboy is actually nothing compared to the hard core mags that came out..

Go easy on yourself man..  You're vulnerable right now and if you beat yourself up too much you may trick yourself into falling deeper.
 
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NwaltRed

Guest
This is the problem with basing your entire "recovery" on the amount of days you have on that fancy ticker counter.
I've been porn free for 1 day, but I've moderated down to once a week for the past month, down from 3-5 times a day.

I feel fantastic, and I've made so many positive changes in my life. I am no longer addicted to porn.
If your mindset is porn is the spawn of satan, and you base your entire life around getting that ticker counter to over 700 days, then it will crush you when you "screw up" in such a minor way.

My advice would be to ditch the ticker counter and live your life, remember that you are not addicted to porn anymore and move on.
 
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NwaltRed

Guest
Honestly I've seen about as much skin browsing plenty of fish for a girlfriend as I remember in old playboy magazines  ::)
 
J

JG2690

Guest
lol..

Bro don't be too hard on yourself!

You've gone 700 days + without porn, I wish I was in your shoes.

Just move on, like people have told you, you're not addicted to porn anymore which means it has no hold on you.

People make mistakes, no big deal.


 
K

klarson27

Active Member
nwaltred,

what makes you think I'm basing my recovery on the number of days I've abstained from porn?

I'm basing my recovery on never using porn again.. isn't that the point?

I see you've ditched the ticker.. which is good.

Now try and ditch porn..
 
M

McQueen

Guest
Well I guess one can also count artificial sexual stimuli as not just pixels of artificial sexual stimuli but ofcourse porn / artificial sexual stimuli is physical objects like pictures, DVD's and magazines. All of it is the same.

I guess all I would say is not to sugar coat what you did. You relapsed intentionally. You decided to look at porn THAT was the relapse...not masterbation (even though masterbation has many many cons). If you just masterbated with no artificial sexual stimuli (again not advised for anyone to be honest but many do do it and are still happily rebooted) you would of been fine. Intentionally deciding to use them for arousal is where you fucked up. I personally would of not taken porn magazines obviously for obvious reasons to avoid them, or just go and immediately burn them and dump them. I personally would not want to PROFIT of them...

So my words would be never forget where you have come from and where you have been. On the other hand... although it is horrible porn ... it was a magazine and not pixels etc...as bad as it was ...it could of been a lot worse. Just never do it again and continue on. You can heal again.

*Edit - And to all the retards saying you are not addicted to internet porn anymore. That is not how ADDICTION NEUROSCIENCE WORKS. Once you admit to yourself you are a true addict...! You are a true addict FOR LIFE...so you abstain for life....your in recovery.
 
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NwaltRed

Guest
Nah bro, I like my porn occasionally, just not 3-5 times a day.
Maybe I'm not an addict, maybe I just have to much time on my hands :p
 
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