I'm not sure i can do this anymore. close to giving up completely.

[YoungFire]

turned 19 last week, that makes it 3 years of trying to beat this thing. relapsed again today, dont suffer from ED, just DE. means i've lost sensitivity in my penis due to deathgrip and masturbating to porn since i was about 15.

My fetishes have never gone up, i've never had to go to extreme measures to get off like watching the most fucked up things, it's your average HD brazzers etc.

but for some reason i've never been able to kick this habit and it's eating away at me as to why. i relapsed earlier on this afternoon and i've layed in bed since just thinking maybe this is what i deserve, i feel so close to giving up and accepting this is my fate now.

ive got such a beautiful girl who looks hurt when she sees that i can't cum from her alone, it kill me deep inside, i feel like i'm beginning to lose myself

there has to be someone who's gone through this, how did you deal with it? please help me. i dont want to give up, every bone in my body is telling me to give up, but somewhere in me deep down, still wants to fight this, but i can't see a light at the end of the tunnel anymore.

 

[sunny1219]

dude be a man and never give up... first of all why do you have a gf at such a young age ?.. i'm at uni and being at uni is like being at fort knox. too many women to pick from and sleep with. don't bother watching fake ass porn and desensitising your brain with that garbage. learn the red pill and stop being blue pilled saying how beautiful your girl is and shit. explore beautiful women and enjoy life.

 

[jkkk]

turned 19 last week, that makes it 3 years of trying to beat this thing. relapsed again today, dont suffer from ED, just DE. means i've lost sensitivity in my penis due to deathgrip and masturbating to porn since i was about 15.

My fetishes have never gone up, i've never had to go to extreme measures to get off like watching the most fucked up things, it's your average HD brazzers etc.

but for some reason i've never been able to kick this habit and it's eating away at me as to why. i relapsed earlier on this afternoon and i've layed in bed since just thinking maybe this is what i deserve, i feel so close to giving up and accepting this is my fate now.

ive got such a beautiful girl who looks hurt when she sees that i can't cum from her alone, it kill me deep inside, i feel like i'm beginning to lose myself

there has to be someone who's gone through this, how did you deal with it? please help me. i dont want to give up, every bone in my body is telling me to give up, but somewhere in me deep down, still wants to fight this, but i can't see a light at the end of the tunnel anymore.

have you read the William's thread?

No?

Then read it. If you have any questions after reading, let me know. If you can't find the thread, let me know.

One thing - never ever give up

 

[Hablablos]

Hello YoungFire,

I have a few question for you:

Why do want to recover from addiction? I know it sounds a silly question, but reason for that is simple. Your mind will play many tricks on you as you already know, you need to know exactly why are you doing this. And the best thing you can do is to write these reasons somewhere to have them as a reminder.

Who do you want to become as a person? If is too general for you, then start with who you don't want to become?

What hobbies or activities do you or need to do in order to become that person?

You will beat this, I am sure of that. Just don't give up!

 

[DontGiveUp7]

YoungFire,

Hey man, hang in there, you will get through this. Just remember you can never lose if you never quit. If you are trying to win by fighting your urges, i strongly advise you to watch the video in the below link about willingness. I was once trying to use all my willpower to fight urges when in reality that feeds the urge. I learned that by acknowledging the urge was there, and not being combative with it but instead accepting it for what it was things really started to turn around for me. Personally, I think it's because you aren't having to fight or use your energy to win. The best comparison I can think of that can help explain is the following situation: the urge is Bruce banner. Bruce banner is the uncombative version contrary to his alter ego, the Hulk. If you fight with him, you are going to make him an unstoppable force that will win every time. If you choose to accept that he is there and do not take action (in porn addictions case judge urges) he is powerless and will eventually go away. Once I learned this, I knew that I was going to beat this thing. That was the moment where I began to have hope and become myself again. Just something I wanted to share to help you out.

Best of luck to you! You will get through this. We all have your back and are rooting for you

 

[fapfreezone]

On your counter right now, you have a good streak of 28 days before your last relapse two days ago. Isn't that evidence that you're pretty close to quitting? That's a good streak and if you can do that well, there must be something you can do to get over that final hurdle to quit totally. 28 days is good.

 

[YoungFire]

Crazy that i wrote this thread on august 17th, and i'm now 49 days without relapsing. life is good. i'm having sex nearly every day, at least 5-6 times a week and having absolutely noooo trouble performing. 0, nada, nothing.

Literally, i'm hard, i have sex, i ejaculate, it's literally going swimmingly well, before i'd struggle to get hard, and i wouldn't even get CLOSE to ejaculation.

the only thing left now is my refractory system, i still only can have sex once a day.

 

[Walt]

Might as well try right? I'll probably fail a dozen more times before I get it right, quit porn, get my confidence back and find a new girlfriend. Trying is better than the alternative, screwups are bound to happen and often feel like they are beyond my control, but every time I do a little better than the last, learn a new skill to help me get a little further this time.

I always have a bit of a laugh when someone starts out on this journey with so much drive and ambition, everyone cheering them on and telling them they can do it, then they fall back in a few days later and feel like they let themselves and everyone else down. Perhaps it's time to be a little more honest with newbies to recovery, to present the cold hard truth that the odds are heavily weighted towards multiple failures and an eventual far off success. Perhaps it is better to see each failure as just another learning experience on the long road to success.

Glad to see you are doing well, there's never any point in giving up completely, even the smallest effort/steps in the right direction are infinitely better than doing nothing at all, and failure hurts more than any setback ever could. Failure is the unwillingness to ever put any effort in to become a better you, anything else, even the smallest step in the right direction is a success 

 

[JackTheNewOne]

How funny.
You don't have ED and can last for hours in bed. Have a beautiful girlfriend.

Believe me man, there are people in FAR WORSE situation compared to you. 

 

[Walt]

How funny.
You don't have ED and can last for hours in bed. Have a beautiful girlfriend.

Believe me man, there are people in FAR WORSE situation compared to you. 

Not really, women generally want to provide pleasure just as much as men do. Just because men tend more towards a dominant role doesn't mean that women aren't interested in the pleasure that they are able to provide for their partner.

Comes to fast, or can't come at all. One of them leaves her wanting, the other leaves her feeling inadequate, which is more harmful to a relationship?

Besides, I consider myself lucky that I don't have a girlfriend right now because I'm desensitized as well. Better to eventually have a good relationship with a girl free of porn than to be in a relationship when you're still hooked on porn.

We all have our problems, and we all have different reasons for being here, none are more valid than others.
This is an issue that i've noticed on this site in particular, yourbrainrebalanced may be full of trolls, but they get a gold star for community and acceptance of varying beliefs.

 

[JackTheNewOne]

How funny.
You don't have ED and can last for hours in bed. Have a beautiful girlfriend.

Believe me man, there are people in FAR WORSE situation compared to you. 

Not really, women generally want to provide pleasure just as much as men do. Just because men tend more towards a dominant role doesn't mean that women aren't interested in the pleasure that they are able to provide for their partner.

Comes to fast, or can't come at all. One of them leaves her wanting, the other leaves her feeling inadequate, which is more harmful to a relationship?

Besides, I consider myself lucky that I don't have a girlfriend right now because I'm desensitized as well. Better to eventually have a good relationship with a girl free of porn than to be in a relationship when you're still hooked on porn.

We all have our problems, and we all have different reasons for being here, none are more valid than others.
This is an issue that i've noticed on this site in particular, yourbrainrebalanced may be full of trolls, but they get a gold star for community and acceptance of varying beliefs.

hmm... yeah I was a dumbass.
But reading that this guy's concerns are just where I wanted to be made me feel a bit... envy?

But you're right about the girlfriend stuff, it's better being alone while we're not able to have a nice healthy relationship.

 

[DontGiveUp7]

NathanDrake,

Sorry to burst your bubble, but not every guy out there is out to sleep with a bunch of chicks. That's a "bro" mentality and it's quite sad you have it to be honest. Some guys actually want to have a meaningful relationship even at a young age and there's nothing wrong with that. So stop trying to push your views and desire for sleeping with women on someone. That's immature af and that mindset will never get you a girl worth while or a girl worth marrying. Sorry but that's the truth

 

[Walt]

NathanDrake,

Sorry to burst your bubble, but not every guy out there is out to sleep with a bunch of chicks. That's a "bro" mentality and it's quite sad you have it to be honest. Some guys actually want to have a meaningful relationship even at a young age and there's nothing wrong with that. So stop trying to push your views and desire for sleeping with women on someone. That's immature af and that mindset will never get you a girl worth while or a girl worth marrying. Sorry but that's the truth

Yes pushing a mentality on others and shaming them for desiring a committed relationship is wrong, so is shaming someone for promiscuity, it's not right to call women "s%#ts", so why is it any more correct to call men who sleep around "bros". What is so special about sex that it can't be enjoyed for connection and leisure?

 

[DontGiveUp7]

That's just it though. That type of mindset usually doesn't entail connection of any kind, therefore that would be lust. In NathanDrake's post he talked about there being so many girls at a university it's like Fort Knox. Sounds a little bit like objectification to me. Wanting to have sex just for the sake of it as opposed to wanting to connect and have fun is the difference between a gentleman and a douche bag

 

[Walt]

That's just it though. That type of mindset usually doesn't entail connection of any kind, therefore that would be lust. In NathanDrake's post he talked about there being so many girls at a university it's like Fort Knox. Sounds a little bit like objectification to me

Fair enough, don't stop there. At what exact point are 2 individuals emotionally connected enough to avoid objectifying each other, what is objectification to you and why is it wrong?
Do you have facts, data, anything to backup the concept of objectification and why it is "wrong", or are you simply pushing your own personal moral beliefs onto Nathan just as he has pushed his beliefs onto the op?

Everyone is different, some people need years to feel connected enough to have sex, others are comfortable and connected enough to have fun nsa sex within 30 minutes of meeting each other, there is nothing wrong about it.
Now if Nathan was preying on intoxicated college women who had lost control of their senses/passed out, that would be almost universally considered morally wrong!, and a fairly concrete case for objectification.

 

[DontGiveUp7]

I'm not going to argue with you because there would be no point in it on this forum and I already have been through that whole bit and it lasted for weeks. But I will end with this.

When I said connected, I meant to feel connected with the other person in some form. Seeing women as sexual objects and not as people is what I view as objectification and there is no doubt that's wrong. Women are not meant to be used and men aren't meant to be used either.

I agree that there's nothing wrong with nsa sex if you there is a connection in some way. If you don't like the other person for more than their looks and are just looking to have sex and dart, I personally think that's wrong. Im not saying there has to be love involved or anything of that nature but having sex without chemistry just to have sex is pretty lustful.

 

[DontGiveUp7]

Basically what I'm saying is if you view women the same way that P portrays them that's wrong

 

[Walt]

I'm not going to argue with you because there would be no point in it on this forum and I already have been through that whole bit and it lasted for weeks. But I will end with this.

When I said connected, I meant to feel connected with the other person in some form. Seeing women as sexual objects and not as people is what I view as objectification and there is no doubt that's wrong. Women are not meant to be used and men aren't meant to be used either.

I agree that there's nothing wrong with nsa sex if you there is a connection in some way. If you don't like the other person for more than their looks and are just looking to have sex and dart, I personally think that's wrong. Im not saying there has to be love involved or anything of that nature but having sex without chemistry just to have sex is pretty lustful.

So again, what balance of desire for sex and emotional connection is okay? 80/20? 50/50? 100/0?
I'm not going to argue either, it is indeed a waste of time, but do you understand why it is a waste of time?

I never said you are wrong to believe what you believe, I only said that there is no way for you to quantify/prove your relative moral belief in objectification. Therefore the only thing you are "wrong" about is suggesting that the relative morality of anyone else is less valid than your own, and proceeding to use shaming tactics in the same way as the person you disagree with.

I'm not saying your wrong and I certainly can't prove it, I'm just saying that you don't really know why your right, nor is anyone capable of proving their relative morality. If we could prove our relative moral beliefs, we wouldn't have different moral beliefs.

 

[Walt]

Basically what I'm saying is if you view women the same way that P portrays them that's wrong

C'mon dude  : What porn? Mainstream porn? Feminist Porn? Hardcore extreme bdsm?
Now you are describing treatment of women in porn as though it doesn't vary across production companies and genres, and you are entirely ignoring the component of informed consent.

You say objectification requires a lack of connection, well fine, unless your are communicating directly with pornstars in a chatroom, you aren't connecting with them on any level, so that is indeed a valid argument for the existence of objectification. Why are you then comparing a real life hookup with the obvious quantifiable lack of emotional connection that occurs when viewing porn? You still have no argument as to why objectification is wrong, you just believe that it's wrong because your personal ethics/values/morals have ingrained it in your mind.

I could shout from the rooftops that objectification is fantastic!, the greatest thing since sliced fking bread. Unfortunately I'm no more able to prove it to you using a valid argument than you are able to prove your stance to me, and I'm not about to shame you just because you happen to have a different set of personal beliefs than I do.

 

[DontGiveUp7]

Yeah I definitely do.

I just don't see how wanting to sleep with a bunch of girls is a good thing. It's like basically the same thing as porn. In porn, there is absolutely 0 connection and pure lust. Can we at least agree that P is wrong? Cuz if we can do that then I don't see why we can agree that the mindset behind it is wrong. That's probably why I came off as angry and in a shameful manner and for that I apologize. I just can't stand the P mindset that I was referring to. I don't think there's anyways to look at objectification as being right be that with using people for  sex, money, materialistic things, etc.

Sorry for not being specific, I meant mainstream porn on the Internet.