mightyaddictions
New Member
Hi All,
First of all a big thank you to Reboot Nation for setting up a powerful community and a tool like this.
I?m 38 years old and come from south of Europe (please ignore my spelling/grammar faults?). I have read a lot of different post since I discovered RN circa 1 month ago. As many guys here I first discovered YBON after a saw Gary Wilson TED Talk on Youtube. I recently, just a few days ago did a PMO for 30 days straight, my first attempt and I must say it was pretty straightforward. Then I relapsed and I will get into some of the interesting reasons why later in my story. Before I start with my background I would like say that this post will also focus on many things that is going on in my head right now ? which(maybe for the wrong reason) don?t see in a lot of other posts. For instant cross addictive behaviors as I call it ? or domino effects from drinking, doing drugs, boredom, frustration, hyperactive behavior etc, etc. Hope you guys here can help me to shine some light if my thinking is right and what is the negative synergies between this behaviors ? which is causing my quite severe ED.
Some background - as I mentioned I?m 38 years old. Lives in Europe ? been married for 10 years. Got three kids. My marriage and relationship has steady gone south as my addictive behavior around a lot of different things come and go ? but it is always a certain element of addictive behavior involved. I have a good education ? done a great career worked on a few Fortune 500 companies in high positions, good salary very social and a lot of friends around me to hang out with. Had my first girlfriend when I was like 17-18 years old, never really have had any problems to get a girlfriends but I would not say I have been a womanizer either. My relationships in the past has usually ended based on my ego centric view of life, so when the immediate passion and interest in the relationship vanished so did my interest to ?show? caring for that partner. I know this is not a pretty picture I painting of myself ? but it is the truth.
I think I know the date where things turn out really bad. I was M on a toilet ? hung over on conference(luckily on the hotel room) this was in 2011 after I fantasied about some hot kick. I can honestly say that is probably the last time I was real horny ? meaning that my brain worked with my body to get a spontaneous erection. I don?t have any clue what really switched that day ? to change my sex life, power of erection or feeling spontaneous aroused. My sex life with my wife has gone from bad to worse and my performance issues/?brain- ghost? start getting bigger for every year.
Masturbation ? I think I was like 14 years old when I M for the first time and every since then it has been a ?passion? and something that I have done from time to time abnormally much. 3-4 times a day ? the biggest break from M I have done was the last 30 days. Otherwise it is basically been M on the agenda every day for the last 24 years(which is frightening) ? regardless if I?m in a relationship or not. Before I go into the porn use ? I would like to point out that M is probably a bigger problem than my porn usage. I could really turn off porn for a few days ? but not M is much harder ? very easy to M based on fantasizing instead.
So a bit of background on my porn use. I basically start watching porn when the modems became available in Europe back in 1997. So well into 17 years of over usage of porn for sure. Which has been a very frightening discovery when I first staring reading about PIED at YBOP and RN. After we got kids both my M and P use start increasing even if we had a good sex life me and my wife. I have not entered a stage where I need weird things to turn me on. Naked girls and couple having hardcore sex(not anal) is usually things that still turns me on. However if I would guess - I def fall into the camp that I can basically only get an erection when I watch porn or masturbate ? fantasizing or visually on a screen. Touching my wife or any other girl would hardly get me off ? however I don?t know how much this is actually related to my performance issues ? that I think to hard on my ED when to have intercourse.
Now to the meat of my story. I can def say that I have been drinking way to much the last 20 years compared to any random other person. Pretty good job early in my career enable me to go to dinners, host parties, travel a lot etc. If I would look at myself I would say that I?m not the typical ?get super drunk twice a week and so wasted that could not take care of me?. No I?m the more typical southern European style drinker ? 3-4 glasses of wine a day, for months and years. I would like to say that this has been going on since 2003 ? 11 years. What I find surprising is that so few posts I have read make any cross connections between different addictions!
Where I am in my life I don?t know for sure ? weather it is my drinking that has caused my ED or it is the massive porn usage over the years I?m suffering from. I once tried 50 mg of Viagra, just had a few drinks before but not too much alcohol and it HAD ZERO effect on me. Obviously this scared the hell out of me which of course makes me lean more towards PIED. I would like to urge anyone of on this forum to write to me and let me know if you have the same problem. Gabe and the moderators ? if you can shine any light on how to qualify weather I?m just poisoned from alcohol or if it is PIED that is causing it ? I would be very grateful.
So elaborating further on addiction ? I?m a very addictive person. When I tested alcohol for the first time it was magic! I?m not big in to drugs but have tested coke a few times and it was nothing short of magic. I fact it was actually so scary good so I realized that this would actually kill me if I start doing it too often.
More addictions ? I started playing golf when I was 15 years old ? I played like crazy ? became pretty good at it but it occupied my life completely. Same thing when it comes to stock investing, poker or entrepreneurial adventures. When I look at my behavior all of these addictions weather its M, Porn, Poker, Alcohol or Coke all of them seem to be grounded in reality escapes! I live a pretty good life but need to run away and experience excitement and bliss. The everyday life with my wife and kids and work ? I can?t stand it ? I need to get the fuck out. Now to another key learning I have drawn ? when I drink my judgment vanish, I watched porn, I chase girls and can do drugs and M even more. My self-discipline related to M and Porn becomes even worse! The only reason I relapsed a few days ago was that I was hung over and said to myself ?fuck It I can?t take this boredom anymore!? So I seem to have a very destructive, reality escape driven side of me ? which is feeding my addictive behavior.
Now going forward I decided to go on a new streak and of PMO ? aiming for 90 days starting today the 7/7 2014. But what is scares me to death is that my ED might because I have damage myself when drinking too often too much over 10 years+?! I guess the only thing to find out is to PMO for 90 days to figure it out. To be honest I also worried it will take much longer of no drinking or PMO to restore me. I heard that Gabe took almost 9 months to restore fully. Then I think my wife will leave me.
Sorry for a long post but I just needed to dump all my worries and thinking on RN. Hope as much people can reply to my post. I?m not just seeking experts ? anyone who would like to share their story which is similar to mine and who could come with advices would be great! Lots of love to you all and RN keep up the good work!
Mightyaddictions ? Alfredo
First of all a big thank you to Reboot Nation for setting up a powerful community and a tool like this.
I?m 38 years old and come from south of Europe (please ignore my spelling/grammar faults?). I have read a lot of different post since I discovered RN circa 1 month ago. As many guys here I first discovered YBON after a saw Gary Wilson TED Talk on Youtube. I recently, just a few days ago did a PMO for 30 days straight, my first attempt and I must say it was pretty straightforward. Then I relapsed and I will get into some of the interesting reasons why later in my story. Before I start with my background I would like say that this post will also focus on many things that is going on in my head right now ? which(maybe for the wrong reason) don?t see in a lot of other posts. For instant cross addictive behaviors as I call it ? or domino effects from drinking, doing drugs, boredom, frustration, hyperactive behavior etc, etc. Hope you guys here can help me to shine some light if my thinking is right and what is the negative synergies between this behaviors ? which is causing my quite severe ED.
Some background - as I mentioned I?m 38 years old. Lives in Europe ? been married for 10 years. Got three kids. My marriage and relationship has steady gone south as my addictive behavior around a lot of different things come and go ? but it is always a certain element of addictive behavior involved. I have a good education ? done a great career worked on a few Fortune 500 companies in high positions, good salary very social and a lot of friends around me to hang out with. Had my first girlfriend when I was like 17-18 years old, never really have had any problems to get a girlfriends but I would not say I have been a womanizer either. My relationships in the past has usually ended based on my ego centric view of life, so when the immediate passion and interest in the relationship vanished so did my interest to ?show? caring for that partner. I know this is not a pretty picture I painting of myself ? but it is the truth.
I think I know the date where things turn out really bad. I was M on a toilet ? hung over on conference(luckily on the hotel room) this was in 2011 after I fantasied about some hot kick. I can honestly say that is probably the last time I was real horny ? meaning that my brain worked with my body to get a spontaneous erection. I don?t have any clue what really switched that day ? to change my sex life, power of erection or feeling spontaneous aroused. My sex life with my wife has gone from bad to worse and my performance issues/?brain- ghost? start getting bigger for every year.
Masturbation ? I think I was like 14 years old when I M for the first time and every since then it has been a ?passion? and something that I have done from time to time abnormally much. 3-4 times a day ? the biggest break from M I have done was the last 30 days. Otherwise it is basically been M on the agenda every day for the last 24 years(which is frightening) ? regardless if I?m in a relationship or not. Before I go into the porn use ? I would like to point out that M is probably a bigger problem than my porn usage. I could really turn off porn for a few days ? but not M is much harder ? very easy to M based on fantasizing instead.
So a bit of background on my porn use. I basically start watching porn when the modems became available in Europe back in 1997. So well into 17 years of over usage of porn for sure. Which has been a very frightening discovery when I first staring reading about PIED at YBOP and RN. After we got kids both my M and P use start increasing even if we had a good sex life me and my wife. I have not entered a stage where I need weird things to turn me on. Naked girls and couple having hardcore sex(not anal) is usually things that still turns me on. However if I would guess - I def fall into the camp that I can basically only get an erection when I watch porn or masturbate ? fantasizing or visually on a screen. Touching my wife or any other girl would hardly get me off ? however I don?t know how much this is actually related to my performance issues ? that I think to hard on my ED when to have intercourse.
Now to the meat of my story. I can def say that I have been drinking way to much the last 20 years compared to any random other person. Pretty good job early in my career enable me to go to dinners, host parties, travel a lot etc. If I would look at myself I would say that I?m not the typical ?get super drunk twice a week and so wasted that could not take care of me?. No I?m the more typical southern European style drinker ? 3-4 glasses of wine a day, for months and years. I would like to say that this has been going on since 2003 ? 11 years. What I find surprising is that so few posts I have read make any cross connections between different addictions!
Where I am in my life I don?t know for sure ? weather it is my drinking that has caused my ED or it is the massive porn usage over the years I?m suffering from. I once tried 50 mg of Viagra, just had a few drinks before but not too much alcohol and it HAD ZERO effect on me. Obviously this scared the hell out of me which of course makes me lean more towards PIED. I would like to urge anyone of on this forum to write to me and let me know if you have the same problem. Gabe and the moderators ? if you can shine any light on how to qualify weather I?m just poisoned from alcohol or if it is PIED that is causing it ? I would be very grateful.
So elaborating further on addiction ? I?m a very addictive person. When I tested alcohol for the first time it was magic! I?m not big in to drugs but have tested coke a few times and it was nothing short of magic. I fact it was actually so scary good so I realized that this would actually kill me if I start doing it too often.
More addictions ? I started playing golf when I was 15 years old ? I played like crazy ? became pretty good at it but it occupied my life completely. Same thing when it comes to stock investing, poker or entrepreneurial adventures. When I look at my behavior all of these addictions weather its M, Porn, Poker, Alcohol or Coke all of them seem to be grounded in reality escapes! I live a pretty good life but need to run away and experience excitement and bliss. The everyday life with my wife and kids and work ? I can?t stand it ? I need to get the fuck out. Now to another key learning I have drawn ? when I drink my judgment vanish, I watched porn, I chase girls and can do drugs and M even more. My self-discipline related to M and Porn becomes even worse! The only reason I relapsed a few days ago was that I was hung over and said to myself ?fuck It I can?t take this boredom anymore!? So I seem to have a very destructive, reality escape driven side of me ? which is feeding my addictive behavior.
Now going forward I decided to go on a new streak and of PMO ? aiming for 90 days starting today the 7/7 2014. But what is scares me to death is that my ED might because I have damage myself when drinking too often too much over 10 years+?! I guess the only thing to find out is to PMO for 90 days to figure it out. To be honest I also worried it will take much longer of no drinking or PMO to restore me. I heard that Gabe took almost 9 months to restore fully. Then I think my wife will leave me.
Sorry for a long post but I just needed to dump all my worries and thinking on RN. Hope as much people can reply to my post. I?m not just seeking experts ? anyone who would like to share their story which is similar to mine and who could come with advices would be great! Lots of love to you all and RN keep up the good work!
Mightyaddictions ? Alfredo
