Diario de los Muertos

[harpoon]

So I had a thread up on here about trying to reboot, but I relapsed as such and i just need a clean start so this is it.

I havemt pmo in 24hrs, and I'm delighted to be honest, I had lost all control with porn and it really had taken over me.

At the moment I'm feeling the brain fog, and i can feel the tension and anxiety within my body.

Why am I back? Well I began feeling like I wasn't present in my own life, my thoughts weren't my own anymore, I just barely existed.

I crumbled when I had to travel for work, I was unhappy and you know the rest, alone in a hotel room with free WiFi,  I lost the plot completely.

When I realised that I had just looked up to see if there was any place I could hang myself I knew I was f****** and needed to help myself and get back to reality.

Anyway, i^m here and gonna give this another go. I know from experience that it gets better so i'm OK with it.

Harpoon

 

[malando]

It's great you have recommitted to quitting. You must decide that this time it's forever. It's the only way.

New counter?

 

[harpoon]

Thanks for the reply Malando

Just a thought I had today: Abstaining from porn is not as bad as the horrible feelings I get after using porn.

 

[malando]

Thanks for the reply Malando

Just a thought I had today: Abstaining from porn is not as bad as the horrible feelings I get after using porn.

Oh yeah, man, no question! PMO is so short term. Regret lasts as long as you aren't living the way you should. You can do this.

 

[harpoon]

I'm not putting pressure on myself w/ this reboot attempt, i'm just going day by day and setting small goals, but it's ok right now.

 

[harpoon]

Day 4
I was watching TV last night and there was a woman on who I found attractive, I felt a small "buzz" and usually the next step is to Google images etc but what I tried to do was to remain in the moment and let it pass. It did pass.

Anyway, still on track for a week

 

[harpoon]

So day 5 (I'll stop counting after 10 days!)

I understand this is a long process and I know from experience that you don't wake up on day 5 with morning wood and life is awesome, however these two things do eventually happen.

So at the moment it's just avoid porn and establish some new healthy habits.

I do feel "flat" and to be honest I had forgotten about the flat line process (I really lost the plot for awhile) but my energy is returning so I have something to work with.

All the best to anyone struggling, keep fighting, it gets easier ; )

 

[harpoon]

Being honest, this is brutal.

I feel uncomfortable in myself, and very down, I know it's withdrawal but it's still horrible.

Anyway i'm on course for a week and i'll be delighted to make it.