Hello

Crystal

Crystal

Member
Hi everyone, I wanted to introduce myself, and share my experience. As you can see, my screen name is Crystal. I'm 19 years old female.

I read erotica for the first time two years ago. I stumbled across it by accident looking up a term I'd come across, "Domestic Discipline". Very quickly I found myself reading all kinds of sexual/sexualish stories with topics ranging from spanking/BDSM to doctor play to enemas to vanilla sex and much more.  I was shocked to find myself experiencing orgasms from reading some of the stories or thinking about them later, all without touching myself. (If you haven't heard of this before, an article from Psychology Today titled "The Three Surprising Types of Spontaneous Orgasm" explains more about it.) I was even more shocked, quite ashamed and horrified to find myself enjoying stories in which people did things I'd consider incredibly wrong or unsexy in real life. I have read these stories on and off over the past years, but this month, I've found myself reading them much more frequently. When I tried to stop two weeks ago, I found myself compulsively coming back to it. Not only that, but the urge to read erotica has been competing with other commitments and duties in my life. Furthermore, I have religious convictions that erotica is not a part of God's plan for my life, and I want to live according to His plan. I found this site watching the documentary 'Porn On The Brain', and I really hope it will help me put erotica away for good.

Can anyone relate to my experience? I'd love to hear your advice. Nice to meet you all!
 
W

willtochange

Active Member
Welcome to the forum Crystal, i don't really struggle with erotica stories but i have found myself reading in forums as a porn sub a few times. I understand that Erotica is real common in women as it connects the reader in an emotional level. If you have any books or stories lying around i'd throw them away if you haven't done so already. Best of luck on your reboot.
 
Crystal

Crystal

Member
willtochange said:
Welcome to the forum Crystal, i don't really struggle with erotica stories but i have found myself reading in forums as a porn sub a few times. I understand that Erotica is real common in women as it connects the reader in an emotional level. If you have any books or stories lying around i'd throw them away if you haven't done so already. Best of luck on your reboot.
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Thank you!
 
Crystal

Crystal

Member
Well today I had a rather rough morning, waking up from a dream that triggered some raw memories. My self-esteem took a nose dive when I remembered today was September 1st, given the fact that I'm somewhat behind in school and expected in the past to be going to college at this point. I did some artwork and watched a few inspirational videos on YouTube to refocus into a more positive mind frame, and now I'm looking forward to a productive afternoon. Some time today I'd like to go for a run as I haven't done that for a while. I'm approaching a week without erotica, and I'm really happy about that.
 
Israel Brightsky

Israel Brightsky

Member
Hey Crystal. Rough starts to the day can put a damper on the whole day, but the fact that you took the initiative to turn it around is an achievement I rarely get to have. As for not going to college, don't sweat that! My dad dropped out during his sophomore year, took up carpentry, and now is the owner of the business he once worked for. Hope the afternoon productivity is going well and hope you got to take that run!
 
Crystal

Crystal

Member
Israel Brightsky said:
Hey Crystal. Rough starts to the day can put a damper on the whole day, but the fact that you took the initiative to turn it around is an achievement I rarely get to have. As for not going to college, don't sweat that! My dad dropped out during his sophomore year, took up carpentry, and now is the owner of the business he once worked for. Hope the afternoon productivity is going well and hope you got to take that run!
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Thanks Israel!
 
P

prozilla

Guest
Hi crystal,

I definitely can relate to your experience because before when I was not constantly looking at porn; I would be fantasizing during the day everywhere I went. It was like I constantly lived in my head. Over time, the thoughts and fantasies became more and more disgusting as I looked at people's wives, girlfriends, and relatives. Eventually, I became so miserable and fed up with my addiction that I was completely willing to give it up to God. One day, just as suddenly as it arrived, it was gone. I no longer felt compelled to look at porn or constantly fantasize. It was only because I was practicing God's will in my life every single day. By that I mean that I was praying multiple times per day when tempted. I also had to get rid of a lot of things that were contributing to my addiction like video games, junk food, explicit videos on my computer, and any relationships. Probably the first thing would be getting rid of any erotic books you have. I also realized that God's will is vastly different from my will when I was living in my addiction. Honestly, it was and is probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do, but it is worth it in the long run.
 
Crystal

Crystal

Member
prozilla said:
Hi crystal,

I definitely can relate to your experience because before when I was not constantly looking at porn; I would be fantasizing during the day everywhere I went. It was like I constantly lived in my head. Over time, the thoughts and fantasies became more and more disgusting as I looked at people's wives, girlfriends, and relatives. Eventually, I became so miserable and fed up with my addiction that I was completely willing to give it up to God. One day, just as suddenly as it arrived, it was gone. I no longer felt compelled to look at porn or constantly fantasize. It was only because I was practicing God's will in my life every single day. By that I mean that I was praying multiple times per day when tempted. I also had to get rid of a lot of things that were contributing to my addiction like video games, junk food, explicit videos on my computer, and any relationships. Probably the first thing would be getting rid of any erotic books you have. I also realized that God's will is vastly different from my will when I was living in my addiction. Honestly, it was and is probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do, but it is worth it in the long run.
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Thanks for your response Prozilla! Your testimony is very inspiring. :)
 
D

deelo

New Member
Erotica is also how i got started. I was already very into reading around 12-13 years old which was 10 years ago, one site in particular has thousands of stories about some really perverted stuff. I used to have tabs of erotica and porn both open so i can relate to you very much.
I'm barely into rebooting but hoping to get past this PIED and I also wonder if i got more "fucked up" in the head with so many filthy stories.
 
Crystal

Crystal

Member
deelo said:
Erotica is also how i got started. I was already very into reading around 12-13 years old which was 10 years ago, one site in particular has thousands of stories about some really perverted stuff. I used to have tabs of erotica and porn both open so i can relate to you very much.
I'm barely into rebooting but hoping to get past this PIED and I also wonder if i got more "fucked up" in the head with so many filthy stories.
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Thanks for sharing Deelo, good luck on your reboot!
 
M

ma7eus

Member
Hey Crystal. I'm surprise to see a female member in here. But I'm also happy, because it's a different perspective. By your writings, it seems to me that you are a very intelligent and creative person. You certainly have many gifts to work on and be proud of. Don't give up on this journey and keep searching for the Living Water. All my best wishes to you!!
 
Crystal

Crystal

Member
ma7eus said:
Hey Crystal. I'm surprise to see a female member in here. But I'm also happy, because it's a different perspective. By your writings, it seems to me that you are a very intelligent and creative person. You certainly have many gifts to work on and be proud of. Don't give up on this journey and keep searching for the Living Water. All my best wishes to you!!
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Thanks ma7eus!
 
Crystal

Crystal

Member
Hi all, here's an update on my journey. So far I have been successful in my goal of staying away from erotica. Having an accountability partner, having a plan for when temptation hits, daily prayer, knowing we're all in this struggle together here at Reboot Nation and keeping a positive perspective are all doing wonders. Thanks for your support!
 
Doc

Doc

Active Member
Yep Crystal,
It's definitely not an easy path but, I keep telling myself, the reward is worth it. We don't have anything in common except that Erotica is our poison of choice. I honestly believe it is one of the most powerful as our imagination provides all of the details and it is always suited to the reader perfectly. Imagine a drug where, once ingested, provided the perfect high needed at that moment.
It's tough to break but can be done. I think you are actually a bit ahead of me on your reboot.
Keep strong, stay true to what you know in your faith. All things are possible.
R
 
Crystal

Crystal

Member
Well today I relapsed. Looking at my calendar, it happened around the same time as my last relapse. I'm thinking it's quite possible that my hormones are making me feel more tempted certain days, and so I'm going to try to plan ahead with this in mind. I'm looking forward to reconciling with God in the Sacrament of Reconciliation.
 
Crystal

Crystal

Member
Well I had a relapse on the 30th again, but I've gotten back up, reconciled with God and I'm feeling very optimistic about the future. I can't do this. Not by myself. But we can do this and that's awesome.  8)
 
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