Crystal
Member
Fighting against addiction can be so consuming. I personally believe it's important to take some time to enjoy clean humor. What's something clean that made you laugh this month?
One Sunday, a pastor asked his congregation to consider giving a little extra in the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most would be able to pick out three hymns. After the offering plates were passed, the pastor noticed that someone had contributed a $100 bill. Extremely grateful, he wanted to personally thank the generous person before the whole congregation. A quiet, elderly widow shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front. Slowly she made her way to the pastor. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and asked her to pick out three hymns. Her eyes brightened as she pointed to the three handsomest men in the congregation: "I'll take him and him and him."
A little girl asked her friend Sam, ?Where do humans come from?? Sam answered, ?God made Adam and Eve and they had children and that?s who we all descend from.? A few days later the girl asked her friend Jaime the same question. Jaime answered, ?Many years ago there were monkeys from which people evolved.? The confused girl returned to her friend Sam and said, ?Sam, how is it possible that you told me the people were created by God, and Jaime said people evolved from monkeys?? Sam answered, ?Well it?s very simple: I told you about my side of the family, and Jaime told you about hers."
Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Six."
Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven!"
Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!"
Johnny: "Because I've already got a freaking cat!"
In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
One Sunday, a pastor asked his congregation to consider giving a little extra in the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most would be able to pick out three hymns. After the offering plates were passed, the pastor noticed that someone had contributed a $100 bill. Extremely grateful, he wanted to personally thank the generous person before the whole congregation. A quiet, elderly widow shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front. Slowly she made her way to the pastor. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and asked her to pick out three hymns. Her eyes brightened as she pointed to the three handsomest men in the congregation: "I'll take him and him and him."
A little girl asked her friend Sam, ?Where do humans come from?? Sam answered, ?God made Adam and Eve and they had children and that?s who we all descend from.? A few days later the girl asked her friend Jaime the same question. Jaime answered, ?Many years ago there were monkeys from which people evolved.? The confused girl returned to her friend Sam and said, ?Sam, how is it possible that you told me the people were created by God, and Jaime said people evolved from monkeys?? Sam answered, ?Well it?s very simple: I told you about my side of the family, and Jaime told you about hers."
Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Six."
Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven!"
Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!"
Johnny: "Because I've already got a freaking cat!"
In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
