Honestly I didn't want to post this, because its very upsetting, but I don't have anyone else to talk to. I am really struggling, ending up going back to porn, even when I don't really get erections anymore. I am tired and frustrated, it even gave me OCD regarding the genres I have seen. I read some serious stuff, hardcore would be one way of putting it. Stuff I have scene, not sure if you have heard of these, but here goes. Netorare, Cheating, Rape, lolicon and more. I honestly don't feel like I can heal full stop, even if I did stop this addiction, I wouldn't fully recover, probably because it is to extreme, for me to ever be in a relationship, or mentally heal, that's if I ever get erection now. Please help me, this is to personal, for me to even consider posting on the forums. Have you seen cases like these, and did they ever recover?. because I feel like scum and disgusting....I cant even leave the house anymore, because I hate myself. Apart of me wants to die, because of this shit, including lolicon
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Scared
- Thread starter Un1111
- Start date
We can always recover... Remember.. its not you.. its the addiction. Think back through your life and see how your taste has evolved. Its just like drugs. I have had a major porn addiction since I was 13.. now I'm 31. It started out as masturbating then internet porn. Just to deal with anxiety and underlying issues. My particular porn was foot fetish.. it went from innocent pictures to dominatrix stuff. I have an amazing girlfriend and she is so supportive.. ive come very far in the last two years cutting down immensely but still caught up in occasional urges and looking. Its truly a demon. But just stay in the light and never give up. Stay in the light. Stay in the light...
Are you, or anyone else familiar to the genres I am talking about?, and seen anything about people recovering from it?. If so, could you chat to me, or help me understand. Manga/hentai, I spent years of my life in the drain, watching that, with it emotionally effecting me. It's hard to try and fix something, that's already effecting my brain so badly. There's times I think about it, especially the lolicon, I seem a therapist, he said that its just fiction, but never seems to make me feel any different.
yesyes1234
Active Member
Escalating porn taste seems to be more the norm rather than the opposite. From what it seems like, people don't talk too much about how this thing actually feels - most posts seems to be focusing on progress, days since last relapse, Ed and issues with women - but I think the shame, guilt, selfhatred and anxiety about other people is very common, probably something all porn addicts can relate to. I think a lot of us (if not all of us) have been in the situation where we are honestly scared to leave our homes.
As one of the other posters said, it is important to be aware of how you think about this thing. This is not you in the sense that this is want you want for yourself, who you want yourself to be. You are a person, struggling with something far stronger and manipulating than you ever anticipated. The extreme genres are just what your addict brain have lured yourself into in order to get it's dopamine fix. The thoughts, desires and cravings are not produced by you, but by your addiction. This also goes for the guilt, shame and anxiety that is a result of this addiction.
I can really recommend the mindfulness approach where you try to distance yourself from the thoughts in your head. Just let them be there without judging them or trying to change them. Especially mindfulness meditation can be a good way to get into this mindset.
http://www.mindful.org/a-five-minute-breathing-meditation/
(This website has a couple of short meditation practises)
Also, as a way to remind yourself that you are not a bad person and that you don't want to do bad things to other people, I can recommend loving kindness meditation. This one really helped me a lot with the selfhatred. The pornthoughts and general unpleasent desires to dominate and degrade that comes with it can be really difficult to tackle. Suddenly you start to think of yourself as a person who wants this, but you are not. These things just appear in your mind.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sz7cpV7ERsM
Also, I can recommend writing down your vision about who you want to be. How you want to be as a person. This is who you want yourself to be. This is who you want yourself to be. This is who you can work towards becoming. It will hopefully help you seperate the part of yourself you have an option to choose on from all the things that just appear in you. Remember, we can't control our impulses we can only try to control the way we respond to them. And addiction is literally and alterations of the structure and intensity of the impulses that are created in our brain. A lot of these porn memories are literally hardwired in our brain which is why they are so absurdly difficult to escape. However, they are all reversible.
So, there is definitely hope. If you are at a point where the cravings are so absurdly intense that you feel completely powerless, there is still hope. Unfortunately it's a long and just fucking horrible process, but it is definitely possible. In this proces there is also a lot you can do to make it less painful.
There are a lot of tips to deal with the anxiety as well. You can go for walks outside and spend time in nature (spending time in nature can be very refreshing). You can go to public places where you can be around people without having to interact with them. You can alos spend time with family or people you can feel unselfconscious around.
Hope it helps
As one of the other posters said, it is important to be aware of how you think about this thing. This is not you in the sense that this is want you want for yourself, who you want yourself to be. You are a person, struggling with something far stronger and manipulating than you ever anticipated. The extreme genres are just what your addict brain have lured yourself into in order to get it's dopamine fix. The thoughts, desires and cravings are not produced by you, but by your addiction. This also goes for the guilt, shame and anxiety that is a result of this addiction.
I can really recommend the mindfulness approach where you try to distance yourself from the thoughts in your head. Just let them be there without judging them or trying to change them. Especially mindfulness meditation can be a good way to get into this mindset.
http://www.mindful.org/a-five-minute-breathing-meditation/
(This website has a couple of short meditation practises)
Also, as a way to remind yourself that you are not a bad person and that you don't want to do bad things to other people, I can recommend loving kindness meditation. This one really helped me a lot with the selfhatred. The pornthoughts and general unpleasent desires to dominate and degrade that comes with it can be really difficult to tackle. Suddenly you start to think of yourself as a person who wants this, but you are not. These things just appear in your mind.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sz7cpV7ERsM
Also, I can recommend writing down your vision about who you want to be. How you want to be as a person. This is who you want yourself to be. This is who you want yourself to be. This is who you can work towards becoming. It will hopefully help you seperate the part of yourself you have an option to choose on from all the things that just appear in you. Remember, we can't control our impulses we can only try to control the way we respond to them. And addiction is literally and alterations of the structure and intensity of the impulses that are created in our brain. A lot of these porn memories are literally hardwired in our brain which is why they are so absurdly difficult to escape. However, they are all reversible.
So, there is definitely hope. If you are at a point where the cravings are so absurdly intense that you feel completely powerless, there is still hope. Unfortunately it's a long and just fucking horrible process, but it is definitely possible. In this proces there is also a lot you can do to make it less painful.
There are a lot of tips to deal with the anxiety as well. You can go for walks outside and spend time in nature (spending time in nature can be very refreshing). You can go to public places where you can be around people without having to interact with them. You can alos spend time with family or people you can feel unselfconscious around.
Hope it helps
Honestly, did me watching lolicon make me a bad/disgusting person?, seems like most people online assume that it is something really bad, which I do agree, no doubt about it, but at the same time curiosity and my addiction lead me to viewing this, which is what plagues me the most. Does it make me a dangerous person?, or is it really something that's in my head?
yesyes1234
Active Member
I don't know what it is but I don't think you should judge your overall self on wether or not you have watched something. There is a bit more of a grey areas than just bad/good obviously. And the addiction makes all this stuff very tricky. Escalation is normal. I have seen a lot of guys talk about how they ended up watching stuff that was far from their original taste.
If you yourself think it's a bad thing and you want to be a person who is into this stuff, then I guess you're not that bad? Also, remember it's normal to feel a lot of guilt and shame with this addiction, especially if you're still relapsing.
If you yourself think it's a bad thing and you want to be a person who is into this stuff, then I guess you're not that bad? Also, remember it's normal to feel a lot of guilt and shame with this addiction, especially if you're still relapsing.
Thank you for all the much needed support, but is there anyone here that's been through something similiar, that understands me, or these types of genres, with them being effected?. I wouldn't mind chatting about it, and seeing other people that went through this type of stuff..