What do you do when you want sex?


I'm a few days past 30 days in my quest to give up porn but my sex drive is super high the last few days. I'm not into casual sex so that's out and I don't know if I'll be in a position to date for quite some months. I'm just wondering what others do when you are super charged up and you're not in a relationship. Is it ok to masturbate if I don't think about porn? I'm worried that if I want sex this bad after just 30 days, what is it going to be like in another month or so?


Active Member
When it comes to masturbation I prefer approach: If you have an urge, then masturbate. But don't use porn for it or a fantasy. Just focus on the pleasure alone. You need to accept you are sexual person, so stop being ashamed for that.

I think it is better to masturbate from time to time without porn than risk another serious relapse with porn. I am aware of chaser effect and that is the reason why I am doing it only when the urge is really strong.


Active Member
I believe that developing a healthy sexual outlet is critical to recovery. It is about defining a healthy sexual relationship with yourself. What form that takes is down to you. It doesn't necessarily need to lead to climax. Recognising why you want that release is very important though.

I found making a conscious effort along these lines helps a lot:

  • Avoid being sexual with yourself if you've been fantasising recently. Do something else for a day or two to calm down, meditation is good. See if you still want to be sexual after.
  • Avoid fantasy at all costs, even and especially when not being sexual. Acknowledge the thought and let it pass through your mind onto something else more worthwhile. Especially avoid fantasy during masturbation and be very mindful and wary of your thoughts.
  • Take the time out to masturbate properly. Make it a calm experience and set aside time where you won't be disturbed. Make it a purely physical experience for you. Avoid old habits or places or methods that you associate with porn or fantasy. Keep those out of your mind.
  • Persevere and practice any healthy sexual outlet. It will take weeks and months of new practice to start to erase the old negative ways of the past. Don't be disheartened if things go backwards or you find yourself at a computer screen again, just take a step back, learn and try again. It is persistence that matters.
  • Have compassion for yourself and keep working on all other aspects of your life recovery.

I am a man and used to think I had an insatiable sex drive. When I did my reboot there were times it felt unbearable. But actually it wasn't unbearable because I did it. I used to think my sex drive would just keep going up and up until I could masturbate and bring it back down. But actually I found it was much more up and down. If I didn't masturbate despite feeling strong urges, those urges would actually subside for several days after a while. Although this isn't easy or comfortable, it made me feel much more on control and more confident that I could take charge of my own sex drive. This in turn helped a lot in my relationship because I did not have to be so needy for sex. I do not have to accept the scraps of bad sex offered.


This is a toughie inst it, I thought the "reboot rules" were no artificial stimulation (porn / chat rooms etc) and I managed about 8 weeks without masturbating then I did whilst thinking of the wife (thought that was quite acceptable ... at the moment she wants nothing to do with me physically) but my counsellor has suggested I go a full 100 days without orgasm to reset the brains chemistry ...  monks life it is then for the rest of the summer & plenty of exercise as a diversion!

Best of luck, 67


As a guy, I recently went 76 days with no master action, porn, or touching other than for urination.  The initial 30 days were the toughest because my brain kept raising the flag reminding me to go get some porn and masterbate.  On a few occasions I tried rubbing a tiny drop of teething gel on my friend and he went right to sleep.  It got me past the issue and lasted about 6 hours.  It really helped.


Respected Member
Masturbating, or in the case of women also using toys for stimulation / insertion, etc etc, is fine if not performed to artificial stimulation or to a porn fantasy. Pleasuring yourself by any means (within reason...) isnt bad.


Lust It is an emotion of a human being. If I were to use sex toys, I sometimes helped my girlfriend to meet for a long time.  :p