Over 5 months pornfree, still struggling with OCD

[yesyes1234]

I have been porn free for some time but struggle with obsessive thoughts and anxieties. I was wondering if anybody here were going though the same or has gone through something similar? If so what helped you get through it? I have heard good things about CBT therapy - anybody with experience? Anybody who can recommend some literature or good pages?

I have a hard time finding articles dedicated to the link between ocd and addiction. Most posts on this forum involving OCD are about HOCD which doesn't really fit the bill.

 

[MZ]

Actually i didnt experience this but mybe ur OCD has nothing to do with ur PMO addiction, coz what i know from my little knowledge that after 4-5 months of quitting PMO, most of the withdrawal syptoms fade away and only few of them stay, so best advise to seek a dr or psychologist, just to know why u have OCD and what r the causes. Best of luck

 

[rainman]

Just my personal opinion... I agree with the other reply. Whose to say the 2 are connected? Obviously if you've been on your own for long periods engaging in an addiction instead of being out there, being out and among people will make you anxious. but that doesn't make the 2 directly connected.

2 things really helped me -

Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David D. Burns - I go into it on my thread (which isn't very long) - http://legacy.rebootnation.org/index.php?topic=7797.0

The other is relaxation through yoga and meditation - I also touch on these things in my thread too - that I use the headspace app. I've had anxiety and so did people I know, and professionals all pointed us in the direction of meditation, focusing on breathing and so on. it doesn't cure you overnight. but as you make it a discipline and get better ('getting better' isn't really a thing when it comes to meditation, let's say, 'the more you practice...')

Good luck, mate, well done on 5 months of sobriety, you're awesome

Rainman

 

[yesyes1234]

Thanks for the replies!

@MZ I had OCD before as well but the obsessive thoughts just went completely out of my control during the addiction. I feel it fade during the progession, though. I probably won't know the cause for sure though. I've read some who contribute it to a chemical imbalance and I guess therapy look into overstimulation in the past etc. When I quit, I was pretty far out, though.

@Rainman Cheers, I've been doing a lot of meditation and yoga lately. It really does make it better. And gives you more energy as well. I speculated on the connection becuase it seems like the addiction and OCD effect some of the same braincenters. And I don't really understand why it got so crazy out of hand. I will check out the feeling good therapy. Kind of sounds like loving kindness meditation which is also really good.

Good luck!

 

[yesyes1234]

Close to 7 months now. Still struggling with personal issues. I still experience intensified frustrations pretty much every day, but the intensity decreases week by week. And I feel less and less foggy as well.

One thing I've found to be comforting during the tough times is having something to work on. Where I experience progression. For me meditation, exercise, cooking, a journal and various creative tasks have really helped me. When I'm having a bad day or a streak of bad days  and start to get that frustrated feeling of wanting to act out because of the crippling effects of this shitty addiction, I can get some comforting relief by the facts that at least I have these things developing in my life.

Obviously this goes along the line of the "you need to feel your life up with other activities" and "forget about porn by focussing on other stuff" arguments. But it is a HUGE help. It can seem like a bit of an obstacle to get these routines in your life, but I started just doing small things like 3 min meditation or 3 work out routines, writing a few lines in my journal, and with time it became more and more enjoyable.

 

[marfap]

I had OCD for 28 years and am now completely recovered.  I have always felt that my many former addictions  (smoking,drinking,marijuana)  were somehow separate from my OCD, though I may have used them to self-medicate from time to time.

OCD did latch onto my porn addiction so I had constant extreme irrational anxieties such as: being discovered using or someone publishing my porn viewing history or it being used to blackmail me, this went away with my OCD.

I still have shame, slight anxiety,  lethargy etc, but these are now just symptoms of my addiction ; I am on day 8 and already these symptoms are greatly diminished.

As I side note I got rid of my OCD by doing years of CBT on myself (though I did not know at the time that was what I was doing).

 

[M]

My thoughts are that porn and PMO are the symptoms, not the cause. Eliminating PMO doesn't necessarily fix the underlying issue - be it loneliness, anxiety, stress, depression, whatever. It does, however, give you more clarity of thought to address these real issues, as you're not spending every day addicted to the dopamine high of PMO or a dopamine crash once it goes away.

For myself, I would be fairly sure this all began due to my complete lack of self confidence as a child, as well as being unable to accept my homosexuality - therefore, into a dark room with a screen of porn where there is no judgment and it seems like you're a virile beast who can do no wrong.

Thus, no, just eliminating PMO won't cure OCD or anxieties. But usefully the best ways to eliminate PMO do help to manage these issues - exercise, meditation, seeking new friendships/relationships, taking on new hobbies, eating better, sleeping more, etc. From here, you have greater clarity of thought, better self awareness, and then the power to make the change.

 

[yesyes1234]

@ Marfap

Glad to hear you beat it. What kind of ocd did you have? And did you have it while you were addicted? If so, how did you experience the two things together? Did it get worse, did you obsess about other stuff?

@ M

I agree to some degree. I think some people develop issues during addiction as well. Or problems that didn't really affect them before now starts to become an issue.

Addiction definitely amplified my issues to a whole new level, especially the ocd. I had actually beaten all my compulsive routines before it started to go downhill, and then other compulsions emerged. I still don't quite know what happened, but the issues I dealt with during addiction did alter a bit as well. I think I might have started to obsess about everthing that could give me a kick of dopamine. The obsessions have diminished during the reboot as well.

Underlying shame, low self esteem etc. are still issues though, of course.

Cheers

 

[yesyes1234]

Also, when it comes to addiction, I think porn is a bit of a weird one, to be honest. Unlike other addictions you never really knew about the dangers of overusing. And a lot of us got hooked during out teenage years where factors like hormones, our emerging sexuality and curiousity, a lot of free time would make us more prone to consuming a large amount of P. The fact that it is such a quick fix you can fit in pretty much anytime during the day, unlike alcohol or drugs where you are influences untill the next day, makes it a bit more subversive as well.

Of course you could say loneliness or social rejection plays a factor, since those the healthier crowd would just go and hook up instead. As we all know, getting a partner isn't always just that easy and a number of factors play into this. Even the ones who are often in a relationship have long streaks without them. Even for them, the sheer boredom of everyday life combined with the accessibility and attraction of internet P might lure them into addiciton.

I heard Gabe talk about this as well. I don't think it's as simple as only people with underlying issues are prone to addiciton.

 

[marfap]

I had mainly just the obsessive thoughts (what was known as Pure OCD)

I had tried to quit porn when I had OCD but was unsuccessful, also surfing for hours for the perfect woman, would sometimes numb and calm my symptoms.  The OCD did make my porn use "paranoia" and shame far worse. However, my OCD was still just as bad with or without porn (on the days I wasn't getting anxious about my porn use, my brain would always find something else for me to get uncontrollably anxious over).

My porn problems only really started 7 years ago after getting  faster internet, before then my OCD was just as bad, but I would obsess over other stuff.

 

[harpoon]

Hi yesyes1234.

I myself have these ocd thoughts, and my gut feeling is that rebooting will not cure this.

Do you drink coffee, tea or drinks with caffeine? because there is such a thing as caffeine allergy, just a thought

 

[yesyes1234]

@ Marfap.

Interesting to hear. I can definitely relate to the paranoia and shame getting worse. Did you do CBT as in pushed yourself to deal with situations you found uncomfortable or did you do anything else?

@ harpoon

I don't drink any caffeine. I've stopped drinking soda as well.

The ocd did get better before the addiction, though. And have diminished during the reboot. By quite a lot. But I don't think they will go away completely either.

What have you done do deal with them?

Cheers!

 

[katikai]

First time posting in those kind of forums (call it shame, guilt ...)
In my opinion, and I have good reasons to believe it's accurate there are at least two types of nofapers - nopmoers :
First, a large population of people that suffers from ED, delayed ejaculations.
Second, a smaller set of people suffered from OCD, premature ejaculations
Me and very likely you @yesyes1234, are from the second group, my case:
36 yo, being pmoing for 20 years, subtle behavioural OCD, let's call it pure OCD (persistent thoughts in the brain )
1 year 12 days p free , and 1 year 2 months 20 days m free,
I thank everyone trying to help here but most (including myself) are no scientists, so when people have never studied cases of OCD related to porn use and probably never seen some recovering from porn addiction to see if its OCD has gone, in such case they can not throw conclusions based on their feeling of the situation.
Me neither, but as OCD myself still struggling with rebooting (I consider myself an extreme case), I've noticed two kind of processes in my brain :
One of sex obsessions (this is obvious)
(Lately my mind try to play new tricks that is )
Second, of being undermined and in need to get even with my previous enemies, those thoughts are so powerful that are torture like, their only purpose is to weaken my control over my self to fall into the trap, nothing else.
Along with other anxiety tortures, by being physically sick.
I repeat my case is very extreme you can't just use porn for the longer chunk of your life and then just stop and think things will go back to normal immediately, but
I was prescribed Lexapro, took it for a month then stopped it, now I use prayer and mindfulness. I'm just determined to stand against OCD by Myself, and you can see what aim my OCD is directed. It is in direct relation with my recovery. That's all I can tell for now.
I'm doing things I really never would have done them, I use my time wisely, I think I could never get up early when I don't have strong incentive, my control over my self improve every day, I can set goals and achieve them without procrastination, I can set rules to be strictly obeyed, really growing up.
I think whether you'll be cured from OCD or not, note that rebooting is rebuilding your brain, you'll certainly have a better control of your thoughts when you recover. And in my opinion if you have to choose between medication and rebooting, the latter would be a wiser choice.
Good luck