I could write a novel about this; so I will, starting now.
I am not a member of any religion. I was raised in a very strict religion and, IMO, it caused me a lot of harm. I am, however, a student of the bible and I identify as a Christian. Do not presuppose any beliefs because of that. IMHO, churches have about as much in common with Christianity as NASCAR races have in common with commuting to work in the morning. Religions are man-made organizations, usually identified with a particular interpretation of a set of spiritual beliefs. When I became disillusioned with the religion I was raised in, I went back to the bible and read the passages about the founding of Christianity without the mindset of religious influence and I found that I derived a completely different meaning from this.
Christianity is about forgiveness, that is its chief characteristic.
[quote-MwC]I know a person excommunicated from Jehovah's Vitnesses. Rather gruesome treatment by a faith that preaches forgiveness. [/quote]
I've known people in that very situation and I'm appalled that anyone would shun to the degree that these people shun, even to the point of shunning family members.
hansdd said:
I'm new here, but not new with the porn battle. I'm an excommunicated Mormon and would very much like to become an active member again... I'm looking for an accountability partner.
I hop that you are able to achieve reinstatement in your faith. I know from several LDS friends that the Mormon community is very tight knit and I can only imagine that being deprived of all community connection is very painful.
Masturbation and Religious Guilt
There is no direct biblical condemnation of masturbation that I am aware of. My personal opinion is that masturbation is not good for a person and should be avoided. The reason os simply that masturbation can displace a healthy sex life with a partner.
I believe that God, as I understand Him, is "sex positive"; He invented it. They are learning more and more about sexuality and sexual anatomy all the time. The clitoris, an organ that only functions to facilitate sexual pleasure, turns out to be much more complex than was ever imagined. As it turns out, this organ is much larger and more encompassing than casual observation would reveal, and it branches downward, somewhat in the shape of a wishbone which straddles the vagina. If we are the product of an intelligent Creator, which is how I see things, then that creator went to a lot of work to make sex pleasurable, for both genders.
The bible does condemn fornication, although there is disagreement as to the meaning of that word. Strictly speaking, the root word from which it is derived refers to prostitution. One thing I will say is that establishing a durable relationship with a monogamous partner has real advantages. The risk of disease in such a situation becomes quite close to zero. If children are conceived in a lasting relationship there is a much better chance that those children will be raised in a two-parent home and reap benefits with regard to financial security, not to mention the invaluable benefit of having two parents resent during their formative years. Boys need both a mom and a dad, so do girls. A girl raised without a father may have very real problems when it comes to forming solid relationships with the men in their lives. Boys need a father to serve as an example of masculine behavior.
I'm fine with all of the above, but I add that this has to be tempered with a sense of realism. People don't always do everything perfectly and everyone should be treated with respect, understanding and support. Derision does little to help anyone.
Religion and Shame About Sex in General
Nothing tastes as sweet as forbidden fruit; nothing! I think that much of my masturbation problem was rooted in shame. Because of shame, a healthy, natural, interest in sex on my part felt much more exciting than it had too have felt. This excitement was the rood cause of 43 years spent chronically masturbating. Since beginning the reboot I have totally redrawn my relationship with sexuality. Sexuality, IMO, is a Divine gift and I am truly thankful to be able to say that even as I enter my 60s I have a strong sex drive, good erections and a healthy interest in sex. I deserve nothing less and intend to be sexually viable for a long time to come. If you met me in person there'd be no doubt on your part that I can accomplish this. I'm not a prefect physical specimen, but I exude health and confidence. I consider that my newfound attitudes about sex are a big part of this. For those of you interested in the bible, keep in mind that Abraham was nearly 100 when he became father to Isaac. Hey, if I can still plant my seed at 100 years of age I'd be thrilled. But, much more importantly, what does it tell you when one of the foundations of a major system of beliefs was making babies at a ripe old age? It doesn't sound like the work of a sex negative God to me.
I believe, and I believe strongly, that sex is a gift and meant to be enjoyed. That, IMO, does not mean being enjoyed without restraint; because that can lead to harmful consequences, but used wisely, sex can be a wonderful aspect of life, even if you profess to be a person of great Godly devotion.
Guilt and Pornography
Quite simply, in the absence of guilt, pornography ceases to function. I used to be triggered by almost anything even remotely sexual in nature. Nowadays I seem to not be triggered easily at all. I avoid porn, which for my purposes is material created only to cause sexual excitement, and I have found that a nude scene in an R-rated movie has little, if any, effect upon me. I don't desire to see explicit depictions of sexual intercourse and don't seek out such materials, they are uninteresting at best, repulsive at the worst. This is a quantum shift from my earlier point of view which held that any sexual content whatsoever, made a movie porn and therefore bad and therefore exciting to watch.
One of the most important parts of my recovery is accepting that sex has a place in life and is not dirty or to be enjoyed only in very limited amounts. With this mindset I see that sex does not make a movie into porn, anymore than a friendly slap on the shoulder between friends would constitute film violence. Ultimately, porn is all in your head and, if you are deeply influenced by the religious opinions of others you may find that you see some fairly innocuous stuff as being pornographic.
Final Thoughts
Organized religion has gotten more than a few black eyes, of late. IMHO, this is, for the most part, caused by people that have used religion as a pretext to air their own views. Some people at church are living examples of Christianity while others are examples of religion at its worst. Jesus was born into the culture and religion of the nation of Israel; yet his actions drew a lot of criticism from the clergy of that world. I see him as a perfect example of the conflict between Godly devotion and organized religion.
Whether or not you you agree with my viewpoint regarding a Higher Power, please do not lump me into the same group as all churchgoing people. If I belong to any religion it is a religion with a membership of one.
