Healthy Mastubation

[offaxis]

Hello,

I'm struggling with the concept of "healthy mastubation" and would like some input around exactly what you guys do and activities.

No More Mr Nice Guy defines "good sex" as:

Good sex consists of two people taking full responsibility for meeting their own needs. It has no goal. It is free of agendas and expectations. Rather than being a performance, it is an unfolding of sexual energy.

How does this apply to masturbation?

I find it too easy to become goal oriented (orgasm) or view it as a chore. It is also difficult to remain present and avoid fantasy, although I am getting better at that with time.

So what specifically do you guys do? Turn down the lights, take the time out, relax, schedule it, think "I'm going to have sex with myself tonight" or what?

I get that it's experiential.

How did you go about developing healthy mastubation and what is it like for you?

 

[Rockit]

For me, I don't know if I'll ever get there.  We avoid handjobs as well, because my mind wanders and I don't want to fantasize.  Maybe someday I'll get there, but who knows.  At this point, I am avoiding it.

 

[saintpetersburg]

Thanks for asking this question this is something I'm trying to deal with at the moment. I'm not giving up P without M because I don't see anything wrong with M as a single person.
I've been trying to be mindful of what I think about during M and obviously trying to avoid any P images that come up. For me I've been focussing on actual sex memories. I'm lucky tbh when I hear.stories from guys who don't have any memories of.sex I feel a lot of sympathy for their situation.
What I'm wondering about is whether or not there are healthy fantasies. For example, fantasising about "normal" girls and without the fantasies involving any kind.of pornification and extreme acts. This seems like it would be healthy enough and kind of a return to a more teenage, less pornified mind.

 

[offaxis]

Thank you for the replies and shared thoughts.

NMMNG writes about fantasy too and says it's a tool we use to cope with detaching from the physical reality of M. It's a way of dissociating. Mostly because our sexual programming contains shame around sex or M that is hard to cope with.

So I am thinking healthy M should be more about pure physical experience with nothing mental going on. Just your body's natural desire, not your brain. But how to do this?

 

[rebootrapp]

I know for me, I've just given up the whole notion of masturbation. If it ain't with my wife, it ain't happening. I definitely touch my wife differently when I don't P/MO, and she can feel it, and that leads to more/less sex as the case may be. I'd rather make love to my beautiful wife than my hand any day.

To each their own, not throwing stones at all dude, please don't misread me. That's just my philosophy going forward.

 

[screwedup40]

For me personally I'm not sure I'll ever get to a point of healthy masturbation.  I fantasized WAY too much when I used to MO to the point that I might as well have been watching porn (which I also did plenty of).  No judgements for those that do, but my goal is to never MO again.  But to the original point, if you can make it about sensation only with no fantasy than I imagine that would be healthier than the alternative.  Probably the only way to achieve that is to try it and see what happens. 

 

[E45]

I actually surprised myself when i managed to give up fantasy. It is possible!

Now I just need to convince my brain I don't need to wank every week. That is too much, I am sure.

 

[laalee]

Hope it answers the posters question i think it is a great topic esp being single.

When i was recovering, i tried something out.  As my M has been to mags porn etc since i was 11
i always struggled to O without anything. But what i did try once was put on some relaxation music candles and M
and it worked, i did not feel ashamed or anything but i only tried that once.  Now days because i am so effected by MO
and believe i have PIED i cant seem to get an erection to start off.