Confessing to your parents

[willtochange]

I'm a 26 year old male and have often wondered if i should confess to my mother about my struggles. I think at times that it would be beneficial and other times i think what would she think of her "good" son. lol Have you shared with any of your parents?

 

[DontGiveUp7]

I know exactly how you feel man. I have long thought about this as well and some things come to mind. It would be beneficial in the respect that you are getting it off of your chest and bringing what thrives in the dark to light (PA). It would also help because if your parents knew, they could maybe help keep you accountable and make it extremely difficult for you to look at P. On the downside however, you don't know how they would react or feel if you told them which is the same exact issue I have with telling my parents.

 

[Kubrick316]

I'm a 26 year old male and have often wondered if i should confess to my mother about my struggles. I think at times that it would be beneficial and other times i think what would she think of her "good" son. lol Have you shared with any of your parents?

Yep! I told my parents everything, and the reasons for this were simple to me:

1) They can tell when I'm not at my best or in a good mood, so to mitigate any worries on their part I told them what I was dealing with so that they wouldn't worry about me.

2) No one would ever care about me as much as they did. There are some friends I could tell, but friends come and go. I could tell my partner, but I've had girls breakup with me either because of the idea I used porn once, or over not being satisfied sexually. My parents, though, would never abandon me. They would be understanding, they would listen, they would encourage, coach and support me in my journey to recovery.

And most importantly, they didn't judge me. So I used porn in my adolescence...it's not exactly the biggest shock in the world to find out a guy had watched porn at one point. But they didn't make me feel like I was this dirty, vulgar individual who, even after I had pledged myself to changing my habits and my life, would forever be this vulgar person based on my past habits. They showed me that I can move passed my mistakes, improve myself and create a better version of myself to put out there in the world. Not that watching porn is the worst thing anyone can do out there in the world, but it's the idea and fear that people could endlessly shame you for your self-inflicted wounds and attempt to stagnate your personal growth through that shame.

I'm not gonna tell that you must tell your parents or you should hide it from them, but you shouldn't be afraid of trusting in your parents and believing that they can help you. Your Mom can be someone you can confide in when things are tough, and she can give you encouragement and strength when the weight of it all seems too heavy.

There's definitely a lot of benefits telling her, but you know your Mom best. Do you think she would be there for you in that way and give you all the support in the world?

 

[GoodLife]

Hi WillToChange,

Wow...you are a regular contributor! Great to see!

In terms of telling your Mother....hold off! At this point I can not see the benefit.
If you had a year of no PMO & confidence in your recovery then you would be in a good, safe position to handle whatever comes your way. Plus your Mother will know you are having success.

It would be different if your Mother was aware of your addiction then she would be happy to see you doing something about it.

I am sure you will always be a good son in her eyes, however in your attempt at honesty, etc. you may hurt her.

Its good to discuss these things. All the best

 

[Gracie]

As a parent, I can tell you that telling may not be as bad as you think.  If you are close to your mom and she can be a sounding board to you so that you have support , tell her.  She may be able to help you more than you know.

 

[DontGiveUp7]

I completely agree with you Gracie. I guess our minds just play out the worst case scenario of our parents' jaw dropping in disgust which is more likely than not realistic. We just need to figure out a way to take a leap of faith and move past that.

 

[willtochange]

Me and my mother are very close, we can share anything with each other, well almost anything. lol we talk about stuff that normally only moms and daughters would but we have a great relationship. I don't think she would judge me but probably be shocked and maybe even hurt. It's been itching at me for awhile everytime i see her. I have some books now in the house so i'm sure she might read the titles to some sooner or later. lol Thank you all for the replies!

 

[byhisgraceillmakeit]

I shared with mine a few months back! I wish I would of shared sooner looking back. You can read about it in one of my journals (from April or May). Just think, most of us all into this because we've kept it secret in fear of ever admitting to someone I think I have a problem. You never can get help until you admit what's going on.