Emerald Blue
Well-Known Member
I have sometimes wondered whether there is a case for a private section where partners can freely express issues arising from their partners porn addiction which may be very personal in nature, especially at a time when they are emotionally vulnerable, yet hold back because their words will be made public. I have always felt that we need a safe space where we can be free to express how we feel, and the recent bad feeling created on the partners section has highlighted the fact that anyone can come on here to provoke and goad people who may be going through a particularly difficult time in their relationships and in their lives.
I am dismayed at the sexism and misogyny directed at women who speak out online about issues that affect women, particularly women who campaign about rape, reproductive rights, sexual harassment, women who have formerly been prostituted who now speak out against sex trafficking, domestic violence survivors, and so on. The abuse directed at women who campaign for the legal and human rights of women and girls is nothing short of hatred. Some of these women receive death threats and threats of rape and violence. Not all comments and threats are so extreme, but we can still see plenty of comments around the internet perpetuating rape myths (she was drunk/she wore the wrong clothes/he was falsely accused etc) or seeing women as objects to be used and discarded.
Obviously this forum is a place where we can give and receive support as partners of porn addicts but you don't need to look very far to see women in our situation being told that it's "normal" for men to use porn and (yes, here comes those myths!) that it's up to us to dress like a porn star, give our man the porn star experience, and if we can't it's because we're old/fat/ugly/religious/prudes so suck it up and leave the guy alone with his porn, and no wonder, being married to the likes of us, etc etc. Not very helpful, is it?
If you add in our collective histories, some of us have lived through a lot of shit which also informs our opinion of pornography ? some of our real life experiences ain't pretty. When we have to face up
to the reality of our relationship being blighted by porn, we also have to come to terms with our own histories of objectification, as well as a range of other cascading emotions and memories being stirred up. What if our partner was getting off on a genre of porn that we experienced in our own lives as an abuse or violation? For example.
I know that partners hold back from saying too much precisely because they feel uncomfortable about being too public. I'm all in favour of having an open forum and I also welcome the input of recovering addicts who are in relationships, but after the way this section was derailed recently, and some of the opinions stated, I'm not so sure about posting on here about sensitive issues. I read the same old crap that you can find elsewhere online, even if it was a diluted version. Nevertheless it wasn't pleasant and although the person probably had a lot of issues and needs help, it's not the kind of attitude that is helpful to the women here who are dealing with a partner addicted to porn, and all the issues that go with it. ANYONE can sign up and say whatever, and I feel that there is the potential for too much upset.
I don't want see vulnerable women held up as objects of ridicule. I don't want to see the online misogyny that goes on elsewhere creeping in here. I believe that women should have the option to make private posts for this reason.
I am dismayed at the sexism and misogyny directed at women who speak out online about issues that affect women, particularly women who campaign about rape, reproductive rights, sexual harassment, women who have formerly been prostituted who now speak out against sex trafficking, domestic violence survivors, and so on. The abuse directed at women who campaign for the legal and human rights of women and girls is nothing short of hatred. Some of these women receive death threats and threats of rape and violence. Not all comments and threats are so extreme, but we can still see plenty of comments around the internet perpetuating rape myths (she was drunk/she wore the wrong clothes/he was falsely accused etc) or seeing women as objects to be used and discarded.
Obviously this forum is a place where we can give and receive support as partners of porn addicts but you don't need to look very far to see women in our situation being told that it's "normal" for men to use porn and (yes, here comes those myths!) that it's up to us to dress like a porn star, give our man the porn star experience, and if we can't it's because we're old/fat/ugly/religious/prudes so suck it up and leave the guy alone with his porn, and no wonder, being married to the likes of us, etc etc. Not very helpful, is it?
If you add in our collective histories, some of us have lived through a lot of shit which also informs our opinion of pornography ? some of our real life experiences ain't pretty. When we have to face up
to the reality of our relationship being blighted by porn, we also have to come to terms with our own histories of objectification, as well as a range of other cascading emotions and memories being stirred up. What if our partner was getting off on a genre of porn that we experienced in our own lives as an abuse or violation? For example.
I know that partners hold back from saying too much precisely because they feel uncomfortable about being too public. I'm all in favour of having an open forum and I also welcome the input of recovering addicts who are in relationships, but after the way this section was derailed recently, and some of the opinions stated, I'm not so sure about posting on here about sensitive issues. I read the same old crap that you can find elsewhere online, even if it was a diluted version. Nevertheless it wasn't pleasant and although the person probably had a lot of issues and needs help, it's not the kind of attitude that is helpful to the women here who are dealing with a partner addicted to porn, and all the issues that go with it. ANYONE can sign up and say whatever, and I feel that there is the potential for too much upset.
I don't want see vulnerable women held up as objects of ridicule. I don't want to see the online misogyny that goes on elsewhere creeping in here. I believe that women should have the option to make private posts for this reason.