ED remains with 95 days done - Gutted :(

R

Reboot_Dude

Active Member
I've been rebooting since July this year and have come from a point where I was suffering from a totally dead penis with a wonderful girl. Since then I haven't touched any porn at all and have only slipped and MO'd twice. During this time I have however made contact with girls online, including a couple of weeks browsing Tinder and a few raunchy chats, and tried to organise some hook-ups so I can try to re-wire and show myself I've made progress. In hind-sight, I think this probably didn't help me.

Today I had an old friend visit me, I'd known her for a very long time and had never had any kind of physical contact before with her, but I had told her about my situation and she agreed to help. It did feel a little odd I admit, 15 years almost as friends and we were suddenly kissing and then pulling off clothes. I had got to a point where I've been getting regular nightly erections and felt like I had made progress, but when presented with this girl in her underwear in my lap I could only manage a 20-30% erection. (There may be a few potential triggers in the next two paragraphs...)

She tried to go down on me and nothing happened, so I went for the last resort and gave myself a little stroking. This got me to about a 70% erection and she went back to going down on me, that's when things got much better as I got a full-on erection and within about a minute I came in her mouth - something a girl has never ever managed to make me do before in my 35 years. The fact I had been without an orgasm for so long probably helped that!

From then on I only managed to get it up if I started it off with my hand and it never got hard enough to have actual PIV sex, which we did try for. I made her cum twice through other methods so it wasn't all about me, but I eventually lost the will to try and jerked off onto her ass, which I realise was probably something I shouldn't have done.

I'm extremely disheartened, I really thought I had made progress, I felt different, but in reality nothing much had changed other than the blowjob success. This girl had a good body, but just nothing was happening in response to it. I did put pressure on myself though as I was hoping this would be me fixed and I could get on with my life, I also think that the fact the situation was so unnatural was an issue, it felt strange being in that situation with a person I only had platonic feelings for. But ultimately I think that would just be an excuse!

So... what the fuck? :/ Do I just keep going? How the hell do I ever approach another girl knowing I'm likely just going to be useless in bed?
 
R

Reboot_Dude

Active Member
I guess that is the reality, yes. There is little else I can do but just keep going! I admit my reboot so far has been fragmented as I've discovered what my triggers are and the kinds of things other than porn itself I need to avoid. The idea of an artificial sex substitute is a much better way of thinking about it other than just porn. The fact is I have not achieved 90 days hardmode.

I'd appreciate feedback from others who have been in a similar situation, I cant be the only one who has had a disappointing experience after making an effort to change!
 
Phase2

Phase2

Well-Known Member
Well, first of all, there are a lot of men on here that would be pretty stoked to be able to come from a blowjob. I think that is a victory, something very positive to build on. Don't try to emulate porn star sex with a zillion orgasms in thirty different positions with rock hard everlasting erections. That is dangerous territory. We are breaking free of that here!

But the most important thing, and you've realized it, is your 'reboot' has not been a clean reboot at all. This sentence says it all "Since then I haven't touched any porn at all and have only slipped and MO'd twice. During this time I have however made contact with girls online, including a couple of weeks browsing Tinder and a few raunchy chats, and tried to organise some hook-ups so I can try to re-wire and show myself I've made progress." All that stuff is porn, or porn substitutes. So if you want to make progress on your reboot, cut all that shit out and do it right. Then I think you will make progress.

I have a similar issue with a hook up app. It doesn't feel like porn, but it can be damaging too as it is just another dopamine delivery device.

Get back to basics and I think you will find yourself making better progress. Go back to yourbrainonporn.com if you need guidance. Good luck buddy.
 
R

Reboot_Dude

Active Member
Thanks for the feedback, dude. Yeah you are right, I just haven't been as strict as I need to be. I've allowed myself these little outlets, especially messaging, which gives me a little relief. I've only noticed it was such a strong habit in the last few weeks and have made an effort to cut it out but it was too little too late for this time. I really made things harder for myself by putting a timeframe on my reboot, which forced me to do things before I was ready, I need to cut that out too and allow myself to just go with the flow rather than forcing the issue.
 
M

M

Active Member
It also sounds like you were inside your head the whole time - perhaps some performance anxiety mixed in as well? Which is perfectly natural - here we all are trying to overcome issues that seem like fundamental failings of our masculinity (not saying that's actually the case, but it's often what our brains tell us). I'm not surprised it happens to many people here, including myself. Needless to say, when we consciously or unconsciously set expectations (like obvious recovery after 90 days, for example) and these expectations are not met, we feel disappointed and likely a negative effect on us in that moment. It's for this reason that I'm still in two minds about having a counter - even if I get to the specified time, will I still feel like I've failed if the outcome isn't as positive as I want?

Don't feel bad. Just feel angry, or energised, or empowered, or whatever it is you need to feel to keep pushing and pushing forward.
 
R

Reboot_Dude

Active Member
I probably was inside my head a bit. Before these problems occurred for me, I'd be kissing with a girl and already fully erect before my pants even came off, it's the kind of thing I read in people's success stories too! As soon as I started messing around with this girl and I realised there wasn't much happening I was already on alert. I know this is exactly what not to do and I did try to forget about my dick, but it didn't make any difference. I think the fact is I just wasn't healed sufficiently to just perform as though nothing was ever wrong.

Still, got a blowjob and came so hard I got pins and needles in my hands, so I can at least take this as a good  rewiring experience if not mission accomplished ;D

My aim now is to get to New Year with a perfect record.

And again, thank you for feedback, it does help to rationalise my thoughts and maybe it will help someone else searching this forum in the future with a similar problem. This place is great at promoting success but needs to assist when it doesn't go the way you want it to as well, so good job forum :)
 
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