W
Walt
Guest
I've given up caffeine at night, drinking alcohol, masturbating during the day, just about anything that leads me into porn.
There's one thing I can't seem to get rid of though, the anger. I'm not even all that stressed right now, I have zero financial worries and I can pretty much do whatever I please on a daily basis.
I just get so angry for no reason in particular, then I get a Fk everything kind of attitude and my ambitions to ditch porn don't seem to matter anymore. Anything to distract from whatever it is in my life that isn't going according to plan.
Whatever it is that I'm angry about always seems to work itself out with time, and porn never really provides a solution to my problems :
I used to be so motivated, but I don't have the willingness to tell myself that I won't ever relapse into violent porn again, it just makes the failure that much worse when it happens, so what's the point?
I feel a lot better about myself when I'm not watching morally questionable/violent/extreme porn, It feels great to just appreciate a woman with a cute face, nice pair of breasts and/or a cute butt, to actually enjoy my sexuality with a real person.
I swear it isn't even the orgasm that's good with porn. The first orgasm after relapsing to porn feels great, but it's that completely numbed out feeling after watching violent bdsm porn that goes beyond my comfort level 6 times in one night, that numb "high" that cancels out everything else in the world, that 30 minutes where nothing else in life matters and the all encompassing numbness and relief is the only thing worth living for.
Porn addiction really has nothing to do with orgasms, it's really all about numbing the pain/anger/depression, a temporary cure all that you know will only drag you down further, but life itself doesn't even seem to matter when that craving hits
There's one thing I can't seem to get rid of though, the anger. I'm not even all that stressed right now, I have zero financial worries and I can pretty much do whatever I please on a daily basis.
I just get so angry for no reason in particular, then I get a Fk everything kind of attitude and my ambitions to ditch porn don't seem to matter anymore. Anything to distract from whatever it is in my life that isn't going according to plan.
Whatever it is that I'm angry about always seems to work itself out with time, and porn never really provides a solution to my problems :
I used to be so motivated, but I don't have the willingness to tell myself that I won't ever relapse into violent porn again, it just makes the failure that much worse when it happens, so what's the point?
I feel a lot better about myself when I'm not watching morally questionable/violent/extreme porn, It feels great to just appreciate a woman with a cute face, nice pair of breasts and/or a cute butt, to actually enjoy my sexuality with a real person.
I swear it isn't even the orgasm that's good with porn. The first orgasm after relapsing to porn feels great, but it's that completely numbed out feeling after watching violent bdsm porn that goes beyond my comfort level 6 times in one night, that numb "high" that cancels out everything else in the world, that 30 minutes where nothing else in life matters and the all encompassing numbness and relief is the only thing worth living for.
Porn addiction really has nothing to do with orgasms, it's really all about numbing the pain/anger/depression, a temporary cure all that you know will only drag you down further, but life itself doesn't even seem to matter when that craving hits