rockinlove
Member
I am a 30 year old unmarried entrepreneur. Find myself increasingly seeking pornography as a means of escaping reality as it gives you instant gratification. Much like any addict seeking a quick fix to one's problems. Only to find that it is a delusion, an urge, physical and psychological that is inherently misleading. A delusion if you will.
In the end, when the urge takes it toll, I end up feeling listless and spent. Much like a log of wood adrift at sea, powerless, to take guard against the approaching tempest.
This addiction has cost me:
1)My physical well being
2) Relationships
3) Life-goals due to a myopic and impulsive reward seeking behaviour
4) Career growth: even though I work independently it affects my productivity
5) Life is short and porn is taking up precious mental space and leading to procrastination.
Today is day 0 and I have to remind myself that each day I refrain from giving in; I emerge stronger.
I started masturbating late. Only made a habbit out of it at the age of 22. Interestingly, I avoided it until my first relationship with a girl who was 3 years older than me at the age of 21. I screwed up, cheated on her and became a sex addict. Would go to massage parlours where women would give you a happy ending. I even dated a few girls from massage parlours. A stripper. A few girls from my post graduation course. A goth chick and the last one was with a girl who was cheating on her boyfriend with me. She was absolutely gorgeous. In the end, I grew disgusted with her and became a misogynist. Avoided women even though all my closest friends were women.
Started dating new girls but nothing could ever re-kindle that spark that I felt once. Even met a prettier girl but I screwed up owing to me espousing a poor self esteem. Psychologically, I thought that I did not deserve her.
This habit has led to significant problems:
1) Not only has it cost me relationships but has affected my equation at the workplace with my peers
2) Increasingly, I found myself being unable to focus on the task at hand and this led to a lackluster performance at work
3) I started to place women up on a pedestal owing to porn and it is important that I imbibe a sense of self sufficiency where my happiness comes from within and not from another person or a source of stimuli
4)I have diffuse thinning and while it is well under control, it is fapping that led to this disease if you will and going overboard is only going to make it worse
5) I can focus on more constructive goals in my life once am over this and this is what shall keep me stong.
In the end, when the urge takes it toll, I end up feeling listless and spent. Much like a log of wood adrift at sea, powerless, to take guard against the approaching tempest.
This addiction has cost me:
1)My physical well being
2) Relationships
3) Life-goals due to a myopic and impulsive reward seeking behaviour
4) Career growth: even though I work independently it affects my productivity
5) Life is short and porn is taking up precious mental space and leading to procrastination.
Today is day 0 and I have to remind myself that each day I refrain from giving in; I emerge stronger.
I started masturbating late. Only made a habbit out of it at the age of 22. Interestingly, I avoided it until my first relationship with a girl who was 3 years older than me at the age of 21. I screwed up, cheated on her and became a sex addict. Would go to massage parlours where women would give you a happy ending. I even dated a few girls from massage parlours. A stripper. A few girls from my post graduation course. A goth chick and the last one was with a girl who was cheating on her boyfriend with me. She was absolutely gorgeous. In the end, I grew disgusted with her and became a misogynist. Avoided women even though all my closest friends were women.
Started dating new girls but nothing could ever re-kindle that spark that I felt once. Even met a prettier girl but I screwed up owing to me espousing a poor self esteem. Psychologically, I thought that I did not deserve her.
This habit has led to significant problems:
1) Not only has it cost me relationships but has affected my equation at the workplace with my peers
2) Increasingly, I found myself being unable to focus on the task at hand and this led to a lackluster performance at work
3) I started to place women up on a pedestal owing to porn and it is important that I imbibe a sense of self sufficiency where my happiness comes from within and not from another person or a source of stimuli
4)I have diffuse thinning and while it is well under control, it is fapping that led to this disease if you will and going overboard is only going to make it worse
5) I can focus on more constructive goals in my life once am over this and this is what shall keep me stong.