Never

imnipper

imnipper

Member
I never thought this would be so hard.

I hit this site hard when I discovered it earlier this year confident that I could "slay the dragon" and use the site and the support that I have to help.

I failed and then I failed again.  I am trying to keep it in perspective and was told that it is not surprising that I was unable to give up porn and stop masturbating for more than a couple of days, that this process is new and unknown and that it is still possible to succeed.

Today is my 52nd birthday and I have spent the last couple of months bargaining with myself, reflecting on how I have used porn, how I have engaged sexually throughout my life, how I have aged, how the rules have changed and what I can expect going forward.

I hope (and think) I have a better understanding of this reboot process works and I am approaching it as someone who has tried before and, through that experience, may have a better understanding of the triggers and how to use the tools that I have to beat this.

I take profound hope in the message that we can reboot, that I can know a sexually satisfying relationship and that I will find life with pixels not to be a compromise.

 
getagrip

getagrip

Active Member
I salute your persistence and determination! I am pretty new to this board so I can't offer much expertise but I have a great feeling about your chances of success this time.

I am 66 and almost completely without libido or ability to get hard-- but I think P is only partly to blame in my case, since I've haven't been addicted to porn for very long. I think other factors like stress, depression, and anti-depressant medications are factors as well.

I have a new tactic that I have only been using for a few nights now. I work nights and get home around 11pm. I like to have 2-3 drinks to help me unwind, but unfortunately the alcohol lowers my inhibitions to looking at porn, as well as all my other compulsions. So now, instead of coming to the PC to look at porn, I come to this forum. I feel it is time much better spent than looking at P, because I am learning, getting encouragement, and supporting others in their struggles.

Welcome back and good luck!
 
A

Anothertry

Active Member
Hello imnipper.

I remember you!  Certainly remember your name anyway.  I am in a similar boat to you, in that I can't seem to get this monkey off my back.  There are 2 things I can offer you that have been helpful to me however.

1)  The advice to never give up the fight.  As soon as you find the willingness - even if it's 3 hours into a porn binge with your pants around your ankles, stand up and put the porn away.  If you keep on saying no when you can, that will eventually become a stronger habit than saying yes.

2) One thing that gives me hope personally, and I have been in recovery for six years now, is things keep on getting better.  It's stil not unusual for me to relapse once or twice a week.  Sometimes more.  But the relapses are getting shorter.  I don't actively seek and get triggered by erotic imagery in the world around me anymore.  I don't use P on my work computer or in public anymore.  It's rare for me to stay up all night (used to happen several times a week, now maybe once a month).  I am spending less time looking at extreme P.  I am more motivated to do positive things in my life.

So I may not be where I want to be, but I am moving forward by not giving up this fight.  I sometimes lose the willingness to fight the cravings, in truth.  Well, when I get it back, I just keep going.  What I'm trying to say is that if you are like me, this may be a slow process.  But if we don't give up, I am sure we will get there eventually!  The sooner the better - but until we're done let's keep hiking.

All the best,

AT.
 
imnipper

imnipper

Member
Thanks AT and Get a Grip-

Last night was familiar this time around.  Up late....distressing about it and the anxiety about the reboot.  Great advice and suggestions from both of you. 

Yes, using this site instead of surfing porn helps.  I am also using the counters out of the gate where I did not know how to use them before....I had experimented with several options (No PMO with a goal, No PMO open, No O with a goal and No O open) trying to find the right fit.

Right now, I am looking to make it for 2 weeks without touching myself.  I'm leaving the PMO open and expect to find strength every time I hit the No O goal.  Today is the second day on my way to 14.  I can do this.
 
getagrip

getagrip

Active Member
You're not alone. Three hours wasted last night after twelve amazing days into my first-ever reboot attempt. We gotta get up and start running again.
 
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