Back Once Again - Time for another reboot attempt! (Age 28)

[newtrack86]

Firstly hello to anyone who reads this. Its good to know that theres so many other people in the same boat here and that so many others have made it through!

I've actually lost count how many times I've tried this now but I feel like I've hit a point where it's affecting my life so much that I can't see any other alternative. Im now 28 years old and I'm losing touch with the person that I used to be thanks to my PMO addiction. 28 years old and I've never been in a proper relationship, which is pretty depressing. All the opportunities I have missed, passed up and avoided just to take the easy option!

This is my list of reasons why I need to make a change in my life and give up porn for good, in no particular order!

Get a girlfriend.
Get the confidence to get a new job and stop coasting.
Be able to talk to people without feeling ashamed.
Feel good about myself for once.
Get in shape.
Be more social.
Do something with my life.
Not act so weird around people.
Be able to genuinely smile and not look fake.
Not have that fuzzy head feeling.
Get my sense of humour back properly.

What I have learned though through my many, many failures though is that in my case drugs and alcohol are the porn binge catalysts during a successful reboot streak. If only they weren't so damn moreish! Time for them to go as well.

And so it begins (again!).....

 

[newtrack86]

Day One:

Not feeling work at all today. A huge binge last week and over the weekend and it really makes you realise how much it affects your ability to work. Avoiding bringing up work related issues with colleagues as I can't even hold a proper conversation. Trying to smile is the hardest thing, it must look so fake like more of a grimace than a smile!  The thing is I know that I'm going to feel like that but I do it anyway. Where's the logic in that??

Anyway need to keep this up now as it actually feels like my job might be at stake here. I never imagined that I would actually get to this stage as I always managed to get through somehow.

 

[knx37917]

Great list of self-improvements.

I think dissatisfaction with work might be a trigger for both of us.

Whenever I felt powerless, meaningless and utterly mundane, due to working in a oppressive bureaucracy, porn and sexting provided all too necessary stimulation.

I've also turned to alcohol and drugs (cannabis and mushrooms) to either numb the feeling or to try and search for deeper meaning to a pretty shallow existence.

I think breaking this addiction will have that residual effect of taking control of our life goals, especially in the realm of employment.

 

[newtrack86]

Yeah I hear what your saying redux. I feel much the same at the moment in the way that my life is going nowhere.

I gave up drinking for a while before only to find that it didn't actually improve my state of mind, it just made me realise how boring my weekends are without it. Which is pretty fucking sad.

That should have been an eye opener that something needs to be done about that but its much easier just to go back to drinking. Which I did!

Anyway, I failed again last night. Got home pissed and stoned and got straight to it. So it's back to the drawing board again.

I managed 5 days which is weak but even that makes me so much more productive at work its unreal.

How long have you been trying to stop looking at porn redux?

 

[daedalus]

Hi newtrack86,

I think that's a great list of reasons to get out of the PMO addiction.  Maybe you could write it on a white board or on paper and put it up on your wall.  I'm doing this, and I'm also re-reading the list when I wake up each morning to keep myself motivated.  If you can't kick the drugs and alcohol right now, or if you know you're going to fall back into that one day, maybe you could set up a precaution--like turning on an internet filter or self-control before you go out, and maybe even letting your computer's battery run out.  These things might not prevent you from succumbing to the addiction entirely, but they might be just enough to keep you from trying on any given day.

Anyway, I look forward to hearing more about your journey!

-Daedalus