Start of my journal?

[MMecseji]

Hey everybody, I'm going to try to start a journal correctly here. It's probably not going to have all the relevant info since this is my first real post. Critique it if need be, I'm all ears.

My name is Michael and I'm a 26 year old porn addict. I've been looking at porn for TOO LONG, since about age 12. I've known I've had a problem with porn addiction for quite sometime but it's obviously not the easiest thing to quit. I 100% have porn related ED, porn can give me a hard on instantly but real interaction with a girl can be difficult, if at all. I started progressing from "normal" heterosexual porn to tranny porn and fetishes which was a red flag for me as well. Thankfully I saw that can be a common problem, whew, that was a relief.

Some triggers of mine: stress, bad day at work, boredom. PMO'ng makes me feel better so it's easy to fall into.

I ran across this site about a month to two months ago and read some of the forums, articles etc. and it really inspired me. I tried rebooting a couple times and at first it was only like 5 days before I failed. The uncomfortable feeling, not clearly avoiding my triggers were some issues. When I would PMO I feel great for about a minute then hate myself right after for giving in, and feeling like I just wasted those "x" amount of days. What leads me to post for the first time is I just PMO'd after a 14 day streak that I was really proud of. I had urges and cravings but I knew quitting was important so I just shoved them down. Today was a weak point for me and I still feel depressed with a lack of motivation or desire to try again tomorrow. Anybody have any pointers or advice?

Again sorry for the sloppy post, and if I broke any rules. Thanks for listening.

-Michael

 

[ShadyLove]

Welcome, Michael Sounds like we're in similar boats.

Try not to be so hard on yourself though. Talking about failing and hating yourself isn't likely to be too motivating. The PMO at the end of a 5/10/15 day reboot isn't a failure - it's a 5/10/15 day achievement, and one to beat next time. And you slipped up... Quit the hating! If you're anything like me, that'll reinforce a low mood and my first reaction in that frame of mind would probably be to PMO again to escape!

If you find the day counter tracking approach puts you mentally in a cycle of rebooting and PMOing and feeling like you're getting nowhere, try a different approach. I saw on a similar forum a tracking spreadsheet that gives you a longer term and more balanced picture than resetting to zero if you PMO. It just highlights more tangibly that going from 3 a day to 3 a month is still a big step!

I can see how both ways of tracking it work for different people. Have a think about what you think will be more helpful to you personally though, and if you'd like to try to spreadsheet I'll send you the link.

Keep going though. It might get difficult at times (and frankly fucking miserable), but we're all here for the same reason and I'm sure we can learn a lot from each other... So keep coming back and sharing what's going on in your head and reading other people's stories. You'll get there. We all will!!!

 

[MMecseji]

Thanks for the reply that helps. Yeah it definitely doesn't help negative thinking, that's for sure. I was just trying to paint the whole picture for readers. It might be a little nerve racking with the day counter approach because I, like many I'm sure, just keep asking myself "when is it going to get better and/or when will I be cured?" if that makes sense.

 

[ShadyLove]

This is my first "proper" attempt at rebooting, and I only joined yesterday! I've attempted the occasional half-assed quit before, but this is the first time I've properly committed to it (even knowing it might get properly grim later on!) so I really can't give you a timeline. And from what I've read, nobody can. It'll probably drive you mad thinking about it too, so just avoid over-thinking it. Remember being a kid in the back of a car asking "are we there yet? are we there yet?!"... It didn't make the journey any quicker!

Try reading this: http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=15558.0

It's very long, but it contains some pretty useful tips. If nothing else, it's a really interesting perspective even if you don't agree with any/all of it, but hopefully it'll help you piece together a strategy and plan for your reboot and make the process a whole lot faster