My shining revelation Age - 20

woockie

woockie

Member
Hey there fellow fapstranauts! I'd like to welcome you to my journal. A little background for ya, over the last 6 to 8 months my life has spiraled out of control. It started out with the lose of my girlfriend whom I dated on and off through out high school. It was rough for me, moving out of my apartment and back in with my parents. After that I lost the job I which I held for 3 years. Then Came the struggle of my sexual orientation. Oh how this question festered. As it festered my anxiety grew, the more anxiety the more distant I became, the more distance there was the more depressed I got. It got to the point where I stopped functioning.
One night I find myself strolling through Netflix and decided upon George Carlin: Jammin in New York. After I finished it I realized this man is highly intelligent and interesting so I watch it again. This time it hits me PORN BRAIN PORN BRAIN PORN BRAIN. Holy f***... I have been PMO'ing from an extremely young age, about 11 or 12. At least  once a day for sure but depending on my mood that number could sky rocket as I'm sure many of you know. Yet for some reason I shrugged it off (possibly rationalizing in order to keep my addiction ssafe). Until I watched Louis C.K.'a Hilarious. Once again PORN BRAIN is brought up. Although this time it's a little easier to understand this was my Erika!
So I'd like to know when did the idea that PMO'ing was harmful jump into your mind?
Hi, my name is Nate and I'm addicted to f*cking myself over.
 
F

fnatk

Active Member
Hello there Nate, first off I think you might mean that it was your "Eureka!" moment? Either way, for me it was seeing Gary Wilson's Ted Talk. I realized I was doing all those things that were signs of an addiction, the multiple tabs, endless searching for the "right pic/clip" etc.

You mention that you've struggled with your sexual orientation, did you perhaps escalate into Transsexual or Gay porn? Many of us here on the forum have done that, including me so don't feel ashamed to talk about it here.

I think starting off by watching Gabe's videos on Youtube might be a good idea if you haven't seen them already:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCaEqbNJURD6ChROqueUdNuA/videos

Then I'd suggest setting a goal for yourself, no PMO (Porn, Masturbation or Orgasm) in 90 days is pretty much the standard, you can even get yourself a little counter like the one I have here in the banner below.
 
woockie

woockie

Member
Yeah, I watched a lot of tranny and gay porn. After O I always felt dirty. Im on day three now and it feels really good. The urges are still there but my fogginess is starting to lift. Today I was actually able to have a conversation with a co-worker. The anxiety is still rather rampant and the depression wasn't terrible today. Honestly I have to stay with this because its been so long since Ive felt this good about myself. I know its not much but I know that this endless cycle of beating myself must stop and Ill be a much better person for it.
 
woockie

woockie

Member
Alright so there's this girl abd she's been crushing on me for awhile. She hit me up tonight andlong story short we fucked. For me it was just sex but I didn't have any fantasys about porn or anything close. It was the kissing the touching the sucking and fucking that made it fun. Does this reset my counter since I'm only at day 4? I'd love to hear some opinions on nsa sex this early into a reboot.
 
woockie

woockie

Member
So yesterday I went to a party. Plenty ofgreat liking women around and fit the first time  I was able to read the signals of interest. I struggled to talk to them though. I just couldn't have fun I was in a shitty moodand they could tell. what a frustrating feeling .
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top