Greetings,
Thanks to YBOP, I recently found out that my circumstances are a) not so unique, and b) probably resolvable, but here they are: I'm 30 and have suffered porn induced - or at least exacerbated - ED intermittently for more than 10 years.
I have an active 'real' sex life, which over the last five years or so has been characterised by multiple short-term partners (I work a job that requires frequent relocation) and a rap-sheet of sexual failures. I have slept with a bunch of women but about 80% of the time I sneak Cialis or Viagra - usually it works but it makes me feel like a fraud, and paranoid about being found out. The ED tends to be worse with a new partner, but sometimes it straps itself in for the long haul.
Under the assumption that the long-running ED was performance anxiety related (late puberty, early trauma recurring etc), I tried some home made cognitive therapy: sex clubs, exhibitionism etc. Then I tried fucking it out of my system. When that didn't work, I tried acceptance: not sneaking meds and refusing to be ashamed of my limp D, reassuring the girl I'm attracted to her and telling her that even if I'm not hard I'm enjoying it. This helped, sort of: every now and then I can fuck; often I can enjoy a BJ; but a lot of the times the girl's left tugging on rope, unconvinced by my wan grin.
So, I have an active but fraudulent real sex life. And a compulsive, and it seems insidious, online sex life.
A while ago I came across YBOP and it made TOO much sense. Habituation. Escalation. Death Grip. The whole shebang. Although performance anxiety and some other things have contributed, I am now convinced that porn is the major factor in my ED.
So, as of the last 16 days, I've been P and M free and I feel great that there might be a way around this. I've also decided to stop taking cialis and viagra with girls. Incidentally, I quit smoking too.
I know there are varying opinions on rebooting during sex but I wanted to get the community's take on my situation. At day 5 I fooled around with girl I met a few weeks ago. My D, and entire body, was super-sensitive and I got hard quickly, but I also lost it again quickly. I would get hard, then lose it, ad nauseam. Eventually, she jerked me to a half-hearted O. We subsequently met a few times and during her period - (no expectation: no condoms: no softening and wan smiles all round) - it went fine. She gave mad head to my 80% hard D and I was 'present' throughout. But when her period finished it was back to the same limp D story. I've also been hooking up with another girl, who I've spoken with about no PMO. We ended up fooling around a couple of times: one time it worked well, the other time: not really.
Perhaps, I'm in flatline: from day 1 I've had no morning wood, minimal P cravings, no spontaneous arousal, and my dick feels kind of dead.
Despite my continuing sexual failures, I feel okay. I know it's early days and that I'm on the right track in terms of cutting P out of my life. But is continuing to have sex to O with an inconsistent erection going to slow/kill the reboot? I'm moving country again in about 10 days - should I avoid hooking up with girls? This sounds sort of pathetic but I move frequently and meeting girls through OKCupid etc has always been a way to stave off loneliness and do fun things. Do you suggest I cut this too?
Lastly (apologies for the long post) something weird happened today. I was talking with a girl who is coming to visit me in just over a month. We had wonderful sex a while back (except that I was sneaking cialis) and we talk a lot. We are perfectly aligned in terms of what turns us on and she was telling me about what she wanted us to do when she visits.
Mid-conversation, I experience an intense dopamine rush. At least I think that's what it is. My heart starts galloping, my body's shaking like a madman. Really shaking. But my D stays soft. What's that about? Perhaps I'm nervous about not being able to perform when she visits (this is a girl I have real feelings for and don't get to see often). Or Maybe I'm just flatlining. I didn't M and I didn't go on to look at P. Just the dope rush. Should I cut out even these types of conversation too? It seems really sad to have to do this but whatever it takes to beat this thing.
Thanks for sticking with me through such a long post. Any input is appreciated. Stand strong brothers!
Thanks to YBOP, I recently found out that my circumstances are a) not so unique, and b) probably resolvable, but here they are: I'm 30 and have suffered porn induced - or at least exacerbated - ED intermittently for more than 10 years.
I have an active 'real' sex life, which over the last five years or so has been characterised by multiple short-term partners (I work a job that requires frequent relocation) and a rap-sheet of sexual failures. I have slept with a bunch of women but about 80% of the time I sneak Cialis or Viagra - usually it works but it makes me feel like a fraud, and paranoid about being found out. The ED tends to be worse with a new partner, but sometimes it straps itself in for the long haul.
Under the assumption that the long-running ED was performance anxiety related (late puberty, early trauma recurring etc), I tried some home made cognitive therapy: sex clubs, exhibitionism etc. Then I tried fucking it out of my system. When that didn't work, I tried acceptance: not sneaking meds and refusing to be ashamed of my limp D, reassuring the girl I'm attracted to her and telling her that even if I'm not hard I'm enjoying it. This helped, sort of: every now and then I can fuck; often I can enjoy a BJ; but a lot of the times the girl's left tugging on rope, unconvinced by my wan grin.
So, I have an active but fraudulent real sex life. And a compulsive, and it seems insidious, online sex life.
A while ago I came across YBOP and it made TOO much sense. Habituation. Escalation. Death Grip. The whole shebang. Although performance anxiety and some other things have contributed, I am now convinced that porn is the major factor in my ED.
So, as of the last 16 days, I've been P and M free and I feel great that there might be a way around this. I've also decided to stop taking cialis and viagra with girls. Incidentally, I quit smoking too.
I know there are varying opinions on rebooting during sex but I wanted to get the community's take on my situation. At day 5 I fooled around with girl I met a few weeks ago. My D, and entire body, was super-sensitive and I got hard quickly, but I also lost it again quickly. I would get hard, then lose it, ad nauseam. Eventually, she jerked me to a half-hearted O. We subsequently met a few times and during her period - (no expectation: no condoms: no softening and wan smiles all round) - it went fine. She gave mad head to my 80% hard D and I was 'present' throughout. But when her period finished it was back to the same limp D story. I've also been hooking up with another girl, who I've spoken with about no PMO. We ended up fooling around a couple of times: one time it worked well, the other time: not really.
Perhaps, I'm in flatline: from day 1 I've had no morning wood, minimal P cravings, no spontaneous arousal, and my dick feels kind of dead.
Despite my continuing sexual failures, I feel okay. I know it's early days and that I'm on the right track in terms of cutting P out of my life. But is continuing to have sex to O with an inconsistent erection going to slow/kill the reboot? I'm moving country again in about 10 days - should I avoid hooking up with girls? This sounds sort of pathetic but I move frequently and meeting girls through OKCupid etc has always been a way to stave off loneliness and do fun things. Do you suggest I cut this too?
Lastly (apologies for the long post) something weird happened today. I was talking with a girl who is coming to visit me in just over a month. We had wonderful sex a while back (except that I was sneaking cialis) and we talk a lot. We are perfectly aligned in terms of what turns us on and she was telling me about what she wanted us to do when she visits.
Mid-conversation, I experience an intense dopamine rush. At least I think that's what it is. My heart starts galloping, my body's shaking like a madman. Really shaking. But my D stays soft. What's that about? Perhaps I'm nervous about not being able to perform when she visits (this is a girl I have real feelings for and don't get to see often). Or Maybe I'm just flatlining. I didn't M and I didn't go on to look at P. Just the dope rush. Should I cut out even these types of conversation too? It seems really sad to have to do this but whatever it takes to beat this thing.
Thanks for sticking with me through such a long post. Any input is appreciated. Stand strong brothers!