Hey everyone!
Today was a challenging day.
I was painting in my studio and, like numerous times in the past, I got involved in a part of the painting that was not coming together and, as a result I began to get very frustrated and impatient. My normal resolution for that sort of thing has been to masturbate with porn. Having done so, I would then find myself in a calmer state of mind and would be able to proceed in a more relaxed manner.
So, once again today the urge to resolve the situation in the same manner became very intense. I did not use porn but I did try to masturbate. However, without the visual stimulation I could not get anywhere! Very frustrating at the time but I realized the more I continued to try the more frustrated I was going to get so I stopped, went for a walk, then came back and got down to work once again. As a result the issue I was struggling with in my painting worked itself out and I had a great day. Additionally, which is an even more important awareness, the obsessive thoughts passed.
I realize that the masturbation was being used as a stress reliever, and that is something I need to pay attention to (the various reasons I may choose to masturbate), however, I was not going to use porn. I knew there was no way I could look my wife in the eye if I had and I know she would instantly be aware of what had occurred and that the fact that I had slipped again would trouble her. I don't want to hurt her anymore.
So...I just need to keep addressing whatever comes up (pardon the pun) from day to day by sharing it with you folks.
Good night.
Survivor
Today was a challenging day.
I was painting in my studio and, like numerous times in the past, I got involved in a part of the painting that was not coming together and, as a result I began to get very frustrated and impatient. My normal resolution for that sort of thing has been to masturbate with porn. Having done so, I would then find myself in a calmer state of mind and would be able to proceed in a more relaxed manner.
So, once again today the urge to resolve the situation in the same manner became very intense. I did not use porn but I did try to masturbate. However, without the visual stimulation I could not get anywhere! Very frustrating at the time but I realized the more I continued to try the more frustrated I was going to get so I stopped, went for a walk, then came back and got down to work once again. As a result the issue I was struggling with in my painting worked itself out and I had a great day. Additionally, which is an even more important awareness, the obsessive thoughts passed.
I realize that the masturbation was being used as a stress reliever, and that is something I need to pay attention to (the various reasons I may choose to masturbate), however, I was not going to use porn. I knew there was no way I could look my wife in the eye if I had and I know she would instantly be aware of what had occurred and that the fact that I had slipped again would trouble her. I don't want to hurt her anymore.
So...I just need to keep addressing whatever comes up (pardon the pun) from day to day by sharing it with you folks.
Good night.
Survivor