About 2 weeks ago, while watching wife sharing porn videos online, I stumbled across a forum on Redit that allowed users to share pictures of their real life partners. I found this to be the next novelty, I would no longer even watch porn, I would simply go to this forum and fantasize about how these guys were sharing pictures of their real life partners. I then created an account and proceeded to make a post asking if anyone was interested in seeing my fiance. Simply making this post and fantasizing about sharing a picture of her for another man's pleasure made me climax. But as always, I had to push it a little further next time. I later got on private conversations with other guys that responded to my post, and started to send pictures of my fiance. It all fed in to my fantasy, I actually never sent any nude pictures, even though they would ask me for them. I would climax just by sending a picture of a regular selfie of hers, because I knew there was another guy in the world jacking off to my fiance. I however knew that if this pattern continues, I would eventually end up sharing a nude picture of my fiance. Somebody that means the world to me, this is disgusting, disloyal, disrespectful, and extremely shameful. It is for this reason that I said enough is enough. I am aware that I have overloaded my reward circuit so much that I am on the verge of betraying someone I love just to get a squirt of dopamine.
I have actually not suffered much sexually, I still get morning wood somewhat frequently and am able to have sex. Perhaps it is the fact that I remained sexually active while growing up that allowed my brain to wire itself to a real person AND to porn.
I am on my 6 day of not watching porn (Redit included of course). I did not find it that difficult in the begging, however yesterday and today have been quite difficult, with my brain yearning to go on Redit and indulge in the horrible act of sharing my girl. I am not planning to do a "hard reboot" since I believe it is too hard and I don't have ED. However the frustration and desire to get on redit almost got the best of me yesterday and today. I climaxed to pictures of my girl, the problem with this is that I fantasized about sharing these pictures of my girl. I never got on redit or shared them, in fact these were not even nude pictures, these are the type of pics any normal girl would post on Facebook. The excitement came from thinking that another guy in the world would jack off to them. By the way I am not gay at all, as most people in this forum know, porn has a weird way of curving your behaviors.
I'm not sure if to say I have started over...I mean I am still on day 6 of not doing any porn. But the fact that I fantasized about it makes me feel ashamed and that I have somehow started from day one. In fact my brain was telling me, "oh well you have to start your day counter again, so you might as well go on redit and do it today since it no longer counts".
I have actually not suffered much sexually, I still get morning wood somewhat frequently and am able to have sex. Perhaps it is the fact that I remained sexually active while growing up that allowed my brain to wire itself to a real person AND to porn.
I am on my 6 day of not watching porn (Redit included of course). I did not find it that difficult in the begging, however yesterday and today have been quite difficult, with my brain yearning to go on Redit and indulge in the horrible act of sharing my girl. I am not planning to do a "hard reboot" since I believe it is too hard and I don't have ED. However the frustration and desire to get on redit almost got the best of me yesterday and today. I climaxed to pictures of my girl, the problem with this is that I fantasized about sharing these pictures of my girl. I never got on redit or shared them, in fact these were not even nude pictures, these are the type of pics any normal girl would post on Facebook. The excitement came from thinking that another guy in the world would jack off to them. By the way I am not gay at all, as most people in this forum know, porn has a weird way of curving your behaviors.
I'm not sure if to say I have started over...I mean I am still on day 6 of not doing any porn. But the fact that I fantasized about it makes me feel ashamed and that I have somehow started from day one. In fact my brain was telling me, "oh well you have to start your day counter again, so you might as well go on redit and do it today since it no longer counts".