getagrip
Active Member
Stepping away from the dopamine aspects of watching porn, which I know we all are dealing with, I would like to mention a psychological effect of PMO. For those of us who have a lot of emotional baggage, like poor self-esteem, poor self-image, and fear of success, PMO is a way to return us to our comfort zone. Allow me to explain.
It's been a tough couple of years for me and now that I am divorced for the second time at age 66, I have the choice to throw in the towel and give up on relationships and life in general, especially since I have ED caused by both porn and my medications. Or I can choose to rebuild myself, address my ED problem, and create a new future for myself that could include a relationship. Unfortunately up until very recently my tendency was to say screw it, I'm just going to give up and be a hermit. But I met up with a buddy two nights ago, a guy much younger than I, who is taking bold steps to improve himself and shape his future. This inspired me to do the same for myself. And yesterday I began the process by buying healthier food, going to the gym, and expanding my horizons through reading. I was starting to feel good about myself. But as the evening wore on (and after a couple of drinks, which is always a porn disinhibitor for me) I started to engage in some of my trigger behaviors, thinking I could stop. But of course I didn't stop and I PMO'ed. And predictably, today I have all the usual guilt and shame feelings, plus calling in sick for work because I slept so little.
My idea is that my attempts to improve myself made me feel "too good" and being rather masochistic and as I mentioned, having a fear of success, PMO was extremely effective in returning me to my "normal" state of poor self-esteem and shame. Back to my comfort zone.
But I have hope. Today is a new day and I am trying to learn from this experience.
Thanks for reading.
It's been a tough couple of years for me and now that I am divorced for the second time at age 66, I have the choice to throw in the towel and give up on relationships and life in general, especially since I have ED caused by both porn and my medications. Or I can choose to rebuild myself, address my ED problem, and create a new future for myself that could include a relationship. Unfortunately up until very recently my tendency was to say screw it, I'm just going to give up and be a hermit. But I met up with a buddy two nights ago, a guy much younger than I, who is taking bold steps to improve himself and shape his future. This inspired me to do the same for myself. And yesterday I began the process by buying healthier food, going to the gym, and expanding my horizons through reading. I was starting to feel good about myself. But as the evening wore on (and after a couple of drinks, which is always a porn disinhibitor for me) I started to engage in some of my trigger behaviors, thinking I could stop. But of course I didn't stop and I PMO'ed. And predictably, today I have all the usual guilt and shame feelings, plus calling in sick for work because I slept so little.
My idea is that my attempts to improve myself made me feel "too good" and being rather masochistic and as I mentioned, having a fear of success, PMO was extremely effective in returning me to my "normal" state of poor self-esteem and shame. Back to my comfort zone.
But I have hope. Today is a new day and I am trying to learn from this experience.
Thanks for reading.